Sorry, but...warnings to the youngsters among us

[MumBod]

Sorry, but...white wiry eyebrows do happen to women.

...you may need to trim your nasal hair too.

...and there will come a time when you'd rather grate your nipples than enter a nightclub, hard as that may be to believe right now.

Any others?

You will not know how to pronounce the name of a pop singer.

One day, you will put on a pair of massive granny knickers, and gasp/sigh at how lovely it feels.

This will lead to a new criteria when buying bras/shoes/clothes: you now will start to consider comfort. Initially you will be filled with horror but that feeling subsides at the exact same rate you fill your wardrobe with slightly less stylish, but slightly looser/more supportive clothing.

You will realise you haven't bought anything from No.17 for ten years - every item of make up you own says No.7 on it. You will then google to make sure Boots still do No.17 because otherwise you'll look a fool on mumsnet and that's when you discover....

....you have been calling a brand of make up for young folk by the wrong name for years because it's call Seventeen. Or it was always called Seventeen but you've forgotten. Or it has changed its name but you didn't know because you are now clearly ancient and behind the times.

You'll add a superfluous 'the' like when your mum said things like 'Oh she likes The U2' or not using one like when your mum said things like 'she's watching Top Of Pops' or just using the wrong word altogether like when you said 'what does 'in fleek' mean?'

You know when you snigger at old ladies in comfortable shoes and elasticated waist trousers? They haven't given up on life. They've given up on discomfort. You will find that liberation too one day.

Dd works in a hotel reception, she came home yesterday reeling because somebody called her ma'am and made her feel ancient. She's 19.

PMSL @ fantasia faun. Thank god for the Lumea

Yes, you too will discover why they still sell clothes with the elasticated waistband.

At some point your political beliefs will become unacceptable and the younger generation will quietly call you behind your back for some kind of 'ism'. Your views on child rearing will also be laughed at and your children will wonder how the hell they survived their obviously neglectful childhood..

You will feel mildly irritated when people in their 30s post on threads like this, because your 30s is the full flush of youth!

Sorry but no matter how co-ordinated and flexible you are now, one day you will bend down to pick something up and find yourself falling over to the side whilst whimpering "oh whoopsy" or some other twee old lady phrase.

When you have children, you too will spit on a hanky and wipe the muck off their faces.

And you will want to apologise to your mum for griping about her boring dull awful cooking during your teens - because you will realise that she, like you, was a good, adventurous cook when she was young, but then a decade of children turning their noses up at anything that wasn't beige and covered in breadcrumbs just knocked the fight out of her.

Yes. Unless you have one that you never clean so it has a natural filter

sorry but...its not just eyebrow hair and hair on your head that goes grey/white

white pubes...now that is old lady stuff...surely not before i am at least 80 !!

You will reply to posts that were there a minute ago but have now disappeared so you make no sense at all.

thejelly - it's worse than that. By the time you are 80 chances are you won't have any, white or not. It falls out as your hormone levels drop.

Sorry, but...

You know that bit of child-rearing that involves sleepless nights, nappies, snot and puke?

That's the easy bit. Wait until they start fledging. You have no idea what it means to worry until then.

It falls out as your hormone levels drop.
I came on this thread to complain about thinning pubes, as NOBODY warned me about this. I always assumed my DM's were a bit thin as she was generally far less furry than me but no, it's age.

My theory is that the pube follicles migrate to your chin.

You will acquire knobbles on your finger joints that come and go and probably herald eventual arthritis.

You look back at photos of yourself in your 20s and think, bloody hell, I was really attractive!

You seriously wish that you could cut a third set of teeth around the menopause, as your own are now so full of amalgam.

If you do venture out once in a blue moon, you will appreciate pubs where you can have "a nice sit down". and where the music isn't so loud you can't hear what anyone is saying.

You more than likely will turn into your mother despite swearing this would never happen.

You will have to sit down to put your shoes on.

You'll have seen current fashions the first time round, have worn it at the time and thought it looked good and now think people wearing current fashion "look ridiculous"

Sorry, but...

...you'll be walking down the street behind a young woman wearing short shorts, and you will hear someone tut and say something about arse cheeks hanging out.

That someone will be you. You'll feel like you've become possessed by the spirit of your mother.

Sorry, but...

one day you'll give a youngish buff man an appreciative glance, and immediately feel like one of the lovely, wobbly, randy old ladies off Harry Enfield. Or Dick Emery in drag.

This feeling of shame will only be compounded by the terrified expression on the face of the young man in question.

Sorry, but...

one day you'll have to have a little sit down after tying your shoelaces.

You are concerned at the proliferation of violence/sex/bad language/flesh on show on tv earlier and earlier in the evening and how it's even worse on the internet what with instagram and facebook and snapchat, and you wonder what messages we are sending and how we are normalising violence and sexualising young people and the way in which that demeans us all and what it means for society and is violence on the increase?

Then you realise where once you were a fan of The Mary Whitehouse Experience, now, see that grumpy grumbling little old lady? That's you, that is.

Then you realise people on this thread will have to google not only "Mary Whitehouse" but also "The Mary Whitehouse Experience."

Kill me now.

Sorry, but...

one day you'll do the maths. In my case, that meant that I worked out that I was born less than 30 years after the end of World War Two.

Which means, when I was born, I was as far away from the Second World War as children who are born today are from the release of A Fish Called Wanda.

You will start to wobble while putting a sock on... you will start to put your socks on whilst sat on the edge of the bed.

You'll work with people who weren't even born when you left school.

Your hips will start moving apart and your arse will fall into the gap.

My theory is that the pube follicles migrate to your chin.

Sorry, but

Your teenaged DD will roll her eyes and declare it is impossible to explain what an App is to you, despite you being educated to degree level.

You may look back on Mum's taxi service with appreciation when you realise how expensive real ones are and how long you may have to wait for one.

You may suddenly get a lightbulb moment when you realise that you get a headache after one glass of red wine, every time, and maybe it's time you changed your tipple.

You may wake up one morning out of the blue feeling extra-refreshed, energetic and ten years younger. You will spend most of the next day wondering what exactly was different about what you did the day before or how you slept to produce that feeling, so you can do it again. You won't know and you can't.

This thread is brilliant, thanks OP for making me laugh .