Help me get over my vanilla cuntyness

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I haven't told anyone this in RL because I am actually mortified at myself. I am a fluent, but not native, Spanish speaker. But for some bollocky reason I said something completely fucking stupid recently.

Instead of asking for a vanilla ice cream cone I asked for a vanilla cunt. What kind of idiot am I? To make matters worse, the person serving me laughed with her colleague about it (at me, not with me!) I was too mortified to laugh at myself and haven't stopped cringing.

Help me get over it by telling me some gaffes you have made, either linguist or just plain stupid.

At a wedding in france the sweet elderly great auntie of the bride (not French but speaks it well) announced loudly to the priest that the happy couple were so much in love, always kissing....

Except apparently she said 'always shagging' which caused a big pause and much looking at feet and sniggering (she thought it very amusing though).

In a French pharmacy I was frantically trying to find some canestan for a bout of thrush and ended up telling the pharmacist I had mushrooms growing in my vagina😳 Luckily she understood perfectly 😂

Who was the American pop star who took off his jacket before a berlin crowd and said Ich bin warm which does not mean I am warm but I am gay and brought the house down?

And then of course there was JFK and Ich bin ein Berliner.

My mum was in France, had a yeast infection, went into a pharmacy and pointing to her pants asked for something for her small bird....she had asked a friend who is fluent for the word for thrush without giving the context.

Asked two teenage boys behind the counter of a shop in Mexico if they had huevos (eggs but also balls). Yes, big ones they gestured.

Thank you for this thread! I am crying into my wine here.

As someone put further up the thread, the Welsh words for sex and ice are very close indeed. My English DH was taking an WLPAN course, and picking me up from work at the pub I worked at one night, he was talking about the course with my uncle, who was the barman.

My uncle was keen to hear what my DH had learned and he subsequently asked for - a pint of beer, and an orange juice, with sex.

from my 60 something uncle...

On holiday in France with DC (3 months) I needed to buy a breastpump. I just assumed if I said breastpump with a French accent they would know what I meant.... It took the entire staff of the pharmacy to interpret my mortified MIME.
( 15 years later, I still remember it's "tire- lait")

Went to Paris with a group of friends, for a weekend, years back and one of the BFs really wanted to make an effort with the language despite not having done any research whatsoever. We went in to a coffee shop and ordered drinks and pastries from the board. He wondered why we all thought his choice of drink 'Cafe The Lait' was so hilarious and got quite sniffy about it. And yes, he did get served a coffee, a tea and a milk.

Years ago in my Spanish oral gcse exam I had to talk about a trip to the supermarket I delivered a word perfect paragraph to my teacher who promptly stopped the recording and as kindly as she could broke the news I had spoke the whole thing in French not Spanish ! I hadn't done French for over two years previously so have no idea where it came from when given the chance to redo it in Spanish I had brain freeze, blanked completely and failed the exam 😱

This is a hilarious thread.

My French is so bad that when I asked for three coffees one white two black in Monaco they asked me to reorder in English. I have no idea what shite I asked for, but clearly they understood my English better than I spoke their French.

DD has just reminded he how she said liked ménage a tois in her gcse French rather than mangetout.

DH has never managed to work out why, when he asked for a cup of tea for his mother in France, they brought her a gin and tonic.

Wow, classics and daily round up. Thank the Lord of Vanilla Cuntyness that I name changed.

I worked in Colombia for several years. On a visit back to the UK, I was asked a run-of-the-mill security question about the contents of my bag at the airport when checking in. I inadvertently substituted the word coconut (coco) for cocaine (coca). Bloody big palaver that was. Errrrrr......

I told my Greek mother in law (who didn't speak a word of English) that I had been watching a film farting instead of watching a film crying! I only knew later when my Greek DP got home and she told him and said it took her every ounce of self control not to laugh 😳
My Greek DP also told me the word for dog and everyday whilst staying with her I used to ask her if I could take out the dog except the word he told me meant 'shitty dog' so everyday I asked her if I could take her shitty dog out!!!!!

Mine is more of a guilty conscience than a faux-pas. I worked for a UK company with a base in France for a while, we had a few British staff working there, most of whom only had basic French language skills. On a night out one of the girls was flirting with a local guy in the bar, they organised a date and she asked me and a few others for tips on how to speak enough French to impress him as his English was fantastic. We might have told her that everytime someone says "Merci" you have to say "derrière" back to them (rather than "de rien"). They went on 4 dates before he kindly corrected her, by this point even the big bosses were in on the joke. She had a great sense of humour and took it really well, we wouldn't have done it otherwise..it was a brilliant place to work. Oh and they're now married with 3 bilingual children and her French is way better than mine 😂

I announced at a dinner party in spain that i loved eating....cunt....how they roared, luckily i was too drunk to care much.

(conejo, rabbit, cono with an accent is cunt)

my ex H on being asked whether he spoke french, replied "un petit pois"

When I was 19 I lived for a while in Cordoba when I was studying there at the university.

I went into a restaurant and asked for "polla asada" con patatas fritas instead of "pollo asado".

The waitress, who looked about the same age as me, struggled to keep a straight face.

It was only when the other waitresses started sniggering and looking at me that I realised I had said something stupid and only when I got back to my digs when someone told me what a "polla" is, that I realised why!

My DH first language isn't English but he speaks it pretty well, so I was really surprised one day when he suggested we chuckle something in the bin. Still makes me chuckle when I think about it.

Arabic learners beware!

The words for "butter" and "cheese" are a bit similar, (in Lebanon anyway, "zibdi" and "jibni" respectively) but if you get them a bit shuffled, you can end up saying "I want some c*ck"!

I should have added "pollo asado" means roasted chicken and "polla" is a very coarse word for a penis.

In our GCSE French lesson a friend asked the teacher where she woke up instead of when. Without hesitation she replied, "In bed with my husband" We all rolled about laughing while she went bright red.

If you're on here EH, I wave to you (EC)

Found out the hard way that the "Boucherie Chevalier" was not owned by Mr Chevalier when I went in and ordered beef steaks.

Once I also told me husbands work colleuge's German wife that I could speak German my husband raised his eyebrows and questioned really yes I replied took a deep breath and said my wolkswagan needs new windscreen wipers in my best German accent 😂😂😂. He went to most work do's on his own after that can't think why lol