Help me get over my vanilla cuntyness

[Youuttercono]

I haven't told anyone this in RL because I am actually mortified at myself. I am a fluent, but not native, Spanish speaker. But for some bollocky reason I said something completely fucking stupid recently.

Instead of asking for a vanilla ice cream cone I asked for a vanilla cunt. What kind of idiot am I? To make matters worse, the person serving me laughed with her colleague about it (at me, not with me!) I was too mortified to laugh at myself and haven't stopped cringing.

Help me get over it by telling me some gaffes you have made, either linguist or just plain stupid.

I got married in israel . Our dj was enthusiastically trying to get everyone seated so we could make our entrance and, realising that most of the guests were English, entreated "Everybody to please sheeeet on the tables" instead of sit at the tables! There were lots of guffaws other than from my older relatives but strangely enough most people did sit down !

I have an acquaintance who, while on secondment in France, would often have to phone his boss from the car to say he was on his way to the office. Unfortunately, a quirk in his pronunciation meant that he somehow spent six months reassuringly telling his boss 'it's ok, i'm horny' while running late for meetings...

My French exchange at school told me 'je m'en fous' meant 'I don't mind'. Her parents asked what I would like to do the next day - guess what I answered? gahhhh

A woman I knew once told her Italian friends the story of the princess and the clitoris (which could, you will recall, be felt under a hundred mattresses!!!)

In fairness to your student, Bertie, Americans and Canadians do use "girlfriend" to mean female friend. It always throws me a bit - facebook updates like "so I left my husband at home doing some odd jobs and went out for a drink with my girlfriends."

This thread reminds me of this joke. A French relative who worked in a hotel used to have it on the wall.

Many moons ago my late Nonno had a rather 'intimate' conversation at his restaurant - a young Italian lass practised her English by asking him for another 'fuck' instead of 'fork'.....

Many years ago, I got some dust in my eye walking past some workmen digging up the road in Valencia and my eye swelled up pretty badly.

I went into a pharmacy to get some eye drops and confidently announced, Ayudame por favor - tengo polvo en mi ojo , only to be met by gasps of horror from the elderly pharmacists. Things didn't get any better after I explained the workman outside had caused it.

The thing was, I did know that polvo means both dust and cum, but in my youthful naïveté, I assumed they would understand I meant dust from the roadworks.

My partner and I were in Japan and splashed out one night to stay in a very traditional and upmarket 'Ryokan' style hotel.

We had been travelling for a while and badly needed to wash some clothes so asked the lovely, young concierge if the hotel had a laundry service. He looked pretty shocked and confused and slowly answered "Nooooo, we only provide the Kimono (bathrobe)". This completely confused us back for a few seconds until we worked out that he honestly thought we asking for a "Lingerie Service" as if it were a completely normal thing
He found it hilarious when we explained and broke the ice so much we actually ended up going out to a bar with him after his shift :)