Jesus fuck, my fanny is on fire!

[CatCafe]

So, tired of stubble down there, I thought I might achieve a smoother result with hair removal cream. Chose a sensitive skin/ bikini-line safe one, didn't bother patch testing just slathered it right on.

When I rinsed in the shower it felt like I was pouring acid onto myself, it burns when I walk or move and I'm fucking terrified of what'll happen when I need to pee so torn between crossing my legs and leaving them open in hope of "airing" my afflicted area.

Now walking like John Wane and have a fanny slathered in half a tub of Sudocrem.

Cheer me up with similar tales of personal grooming gone wrong/ advice on how to stop the pain.

I epilated my fanny and the epilator ran away with itself and I got my flap caught up in the roller. I had to unravel it

OMG. My face must have been a picture when I read that as DP asked me what was wrong/what I'd just read!! I think he was concerned by the look of horror on my face.

Pack of frozen peas with a wet tea towel over them. Sat on frozen peas for the first 24 hours after my CS with DD. I had a 22 hour labour and was sore.

Sounds so so painful OP

Ah sorry OP, DH and I are sitting crying laughing at this thread!!
I;ve read the mens reviews before but still crack me up!!

Last time I used Veet or Immac or whatever I used too much. It slid onto my 'lips' and I ended up with thrush.

I shave now!

Place marking just for the link, badly needed a laugh this evening 🤣 👍

I once Immaced my armpits, left it on for the max 10 mins. Was too long, burned my pits, couldn't put deodorant on as stung like hell and had to walk around like a gorilla for a few days as could abide anything rubbing on them!

Earlier this week, I attempted to clean my teeth with Germolene, still half asleep, first thing in the morning, I grabbed the wrong tube from the cabinet. I can tell you it doesn't taste very pleasant....

30+ years ago we went to the Canaries on hols and had an apartment with a private roof terrace. Unfortunately I fell asleep starkers with my legs propped up to avoid tan lines. I had to spend 2 weeks going out with no pants on and sitting in cold water at every opportunity!! 😂😂

Just looked up Lye, one of its uses is to digest tissue from animal carcasses and deceased humans, no wonder it hurt

DP and I went away for a dirty weekend when we first got together. We had went out, had rather a lot to drink and went to retire to our hotel room for a night of passion.
Not wanting my new squeeze to put off by my garlic kebab breath, I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth.
I then get back in, full of confidence started givinghim a gobble when he suddenly jumped off the bed. I hadn't rinsed my mouth out properly and he's member was on fire safe to say I didn't get any action that night

I recently decided to try some money saving and get my partner to wax my Minnie than pay £30 to my usual lady
BIG MISTAKE!!!
He ripped it off in huge sections on the front but as he moved to my lips he ripped some skin off so I decided to just immac off the rest as I thought I couldn't bear the pain anymore -I clearly wasn't thinking as I applied it, as almost immediately it really did burn the already red flesh!!!!
Jeez-economising comes at a price🙈

i once sat next to a wonderful woman at a wedding who told me the story of an attempted home waxing which resulted in her on all fours, wax all
over her fanjo, weeping and shouting 'just rip it off while i hold onto the table
leg!' at her dh

All these poor fanjos!

We call my mum Edward scissor fanny.
Me and my friend used to wax our legs, my mum decided to buy some strip wax and instead of practicing on her legs she went straight into the bikini line.
My mum read the instructions wrong instead of warning the wax up in the hands for 5 seconds, she placed a wax strip on one side then placed another on the other side and warmed them up for 5 minutes, she ripped then both off painlessly, she stood up and looked down and the wax had remained on her inner thighs but now both sides had merged, she tried parting her legs but her 70's jungle combined with the wax had made sure only Jesus could part the waves.
She tried cutting it out with nail scissors they got stuck she tried to remove the scissors with a metal nail file that got stuck then an orange stick got stuck, she then phoned me in a panic as she tried getting in the bath but the tools in her fanny were scratching the bottom of the bath!
I couldn't help but laugh and pass the phone to my friend who I thought would be able to help better, she couldn't we then had to explain to our other friends what we were laughing about. After we had calmed ourselves I called my mum back and told her baby oil would help but she didn't have any, we called a taxi and sent her a bottle.

That is so funny @6demandingchildren!!!

My dad almost washed his hair with a tube of Immac in the shower. He thought it smelt strange and took a closer look at the bottle thankfully before lathering up!

That is HILARIOUS lurkinghusband

I once decided to wax my upper lip and chin myself. The next day it was all red and bumpy, I looked utterly ridiculous and called in sick until I looked normal again.

My advice to LittleMissM92 would be, don't do it. A friend of a friend did this, left it on too long and her 'moustache area' became blistered, red and eventually flaky. She was very embarrassed but her unsympathetic mum made her go to work. Her female colleagues all felt sorry for her.
I would recommend washing and shaving like a bloke for the part under the nose which I think is the most sensitive and pluck the outer parts. Lots of Savlon will soothe afterwards. You know it makes sense.

This is why I bloody well shave!!!!!

Put vaseline on before you have a wee and hold yourself open while you do if that makes sense. Vaseline won't actually help but it'll create a barrier while you pee. Hold any bits you can out of the way. Trust me it will hurt like fuck. God only knows what the neighbours thought I was doing in there. #voiceofexperience

lurking thanks for the link

It's not designed to be used there...hope you feel better soon! I once got immac cold wax strips stuck doing my bikini line. Had to 'phone a friend' in the end!

I once desperately needed the loo while in the middle of a huge park. I climbed down the riverbank, went under the bridge, pulled down my pants and crouched. A few minutes later I was on fire downstairs - I had only crouched down on top of a bunch of stinging nettles!!! NOT recommended.

Changed - I thought I'd wax my underarms once. Bad idea. Not one single hair was removed, but I managed to rip all the skin from my underarms. Took weeks to heal and it was absolute agony .

On the two occasions I've Immacked, all the hair has come off, despite me just doing 'round the edges'. And on both occasions it's kind of left the core of the hair, which is like sharp as nails stubble. A bit like a horse-chestnut outer casing. Or indeed a chestnut outer casing. Really really really prickly and just wrong.

I've also gone for a picnic wee and crouched down on nettles