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Original poster

Jesus fuck, my fanny is on fire!

130 replies

CatCafe · 02/03/2017 16:52

So, tired of stubble down there, I thought I might achieve a smoother result with hair removal cream. Chose a sensitive skin/ bikini-line safe one, didn't bother patch testing just slathered it right on.

When I rinsed in the shower it felt like I was pouring acid onto myself, it burns when I walk or move and I'm fucking terrified of what'll happen when I need to pee so torn between crossing my legs and leaving them open in hope of "airing" my afflicted area.

Now walking like John Wane and have a fanny slathered in half a tub of Sudocrem.

Cheer me up with similar tales of personal grooming gone wrong/ advice on how to stop the pain.

OP posts:
Flypaperforarseholes · 02/03/2017 21:07

Years ago, I flat-shared with a bloke who shagged around behind his girlfriends back. Eventually, he slept with her best friend and she found out. He was out on the piss when she came round to get her stuff so I let her in. She told me she'd left him a present but I didn't know what.
The next morning, I was woken by piercing screams from the shared bathroom...
The present she'd left was to replace his aqueous cream (which he used on his treasured todger) with deep heat Grin

CigarsofthePharoahs · 02/03/2017 21:21

I love those veet reviews!
Ice pack wrapped in a teatowel applied to the area.
Antihistamine cream.
When I had a horrible rash on my face that burned like crazy if I even used plain moisturizer, I put lansinoh cream on and that worked.

Maltropp · 02/03/2017 21:31

My exH used to immac/veet his balls....not when I first met him, started doing it a few years after we met. Ugh. He liked the effect, I really didn't. We shared a house - amicably - for a year after splitting up and I knew he'd had a successful meet up from the online dating site he was on when I came home to find the bathroom reeking of the stuff and him dressed up to go out on a second date that eve... She clearly liked the effect.... they're still together nearly 3 years on and she's lovely too!

SpackenDeDoich · 02/03/2017 21:35

You have my sympathy. I've done the same a long long time ago. But the pain when I did a wee is still a very vivid memory. In the end I had to wee while directing the shower on my foof. I stuck to shaving after that.

kwick · 02/03/2017 21:39

Thank you one and all!! I have had a great time reading through this thread - just what I needed Grin
OP I hope your fanjo is feeling better soon Flowers

throughgrittedteeth · 02/03/2017 21:55

Oh my lord, laughing so much at this and the amazon reviews! 😂

kwick · 03/03/2017 08:12

The Amazon review were hilarious too... now know where to go when I need a laugh!

OP how is your fanjo?

Sugarlumps333 · 03/03/2017 08:16

I used this stuff once when i had ran out of wax and was in a rush - forgot i had it in my hands and had been sat on the bathroom floor twirling my actual hair on my head around - cue frantic shampoo after putting veet all over my head 😭

Original poster
CatCafe · 03/03/2017 09:47

Oh Jeez Sugarlumps I hope it didn't leave you with no hair up there!

Fanjo is much better today, thanks for asking, though I've used enough sudocrem to heal a small army.

Those Amazon reviews fair cheered me up through the pain.

OP posts:
creakydoor · 03/03/2017 10:49

Ah. I've suffered that misfortune... ouch

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 03/03/2017 11:37

It'll be fine in about 24 hrs. I do this all the time as I to cannot be fucked to shave etc. After a couple of goes your skin gets used to it. Germolene on external bits?
Keep on breathing! :)

CheersMedea · 03/03/2017 11:51

LurkingHusband - thanks for that link. Brilliant. This was my favourite, still grinning at it:

DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS

ByAndrewon 24 January 2012

Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)

Porygon · 03/03/2017 12:14

^^ crying!

Porygon · 03/03/2017 12:14

OP, hope you're feeling better today!

But more importantly... @Nicky42 - why on earth would you dry shampoo your minge?

morningconstitutional2017 · 03/03/2017 12:32

I don't bother with depilating now but when I did I found that putting Savlon cream (not the lotion) on the area first, then applying the hair removal stuff on top prevented most of the soreness. The hair removal bit will still work - as soon as you feel any discomfort for heaven's sake wash the entire stuff off. Don't wait and don't try to be brave.

I loved reading that link lurkinghusband - I've never referred to that part as a 'gentleman's log cabin' before! I must try to find an appropriate conversation to casually pop this in but probably not at the next cocktail party! Grin

Snotgobbler99 · 03/03/2017 12:54

A story from my rugby playing days.

Pre match, a teammate attempted to slather his stiff back with 'Radian B' linament. Unfortunately, he used a bit too much and the 'run off' dribbled down his bum crack....

He ran about for several minutes shouting "Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!" and then spent the entire match with his arse in a washbasin. According to him, his starfish swelled up something horrible and turned into something more like an angry octopus (strangely, none of us volunteered to check it out)...

Forced to walk like John Wayne after the match, it became his nickname. thirty odd years on, he's still called 'John' by his oldest friends.

Eliza9917 · 03/03/2017 13:10

Get some aloe vera to put on it. And let it air once you get home, for as long as possible.

I once bleached my hair and then died it red but it was more of a tint for dark hair than red dye and it went bright orange and I had to walk about like that for about a week ffs.

PollytheDolly · 03/03/2017 13:15

Aloe Vera is amazing. Put it in the fridge first as well.

I know someone who snorted Olbas Oil thinking it was like Vicks Nasal Spray. Shock

Teacupinastorm · 03/03/2017 13:30

I've done the same thing trying to Veet my tache. Did it for the first time, it said leave for two minutes which I stupidly decided not to time. Washed it off to reveal a bright red top lip which then dried out and went lovely and crusty for days. Covering it in foundation only made the dry flakiness more obvious.
To top it off the one weird really dark thick hair that caused me to do it in the first place was still there!

SecondMrsAshwell · 03/03/2017 14:01

LurkingHusband

The Veet reviews are classic - thanks for the link.

A friend of mine worked in a beauty salon, where one of the women decided she would do the old sugaring on herself (she normally did nails, but how hard could it be?). She went into one of the cubicles and there was a pause then a scream. Instead of smearing it on herself in a thin layer, she had picked up the whole heater and bowl and tipped it onto her upper thighs - to do it faster. Of course, it was far too hot. Then someone poured cold water on her and it set solid. It took the hospital quite some time to get it out but she was okay-ish......

QuimReaper · 03/03/2017 15:25

OP does it burn everywhere or did you get it inside?

I did exactly the same thing a few years ago and posted about it here Grin Only burned when I peed though, if it's burning all over you must be allergic to the cream!

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 03/03/2017 16:00

I've read the reviews linked by Lurkinghusband before, they are great 😁
I stick to shaving although I epilate elsewhere 😀

JaneEyre70 · 03/03/2017 16:17

I've got a horrid scar from 2 c sections and no nerve sensation around the top of my pubic hairline. So I used Veet once and didn't feel it burning.....I'd actually burned a hole 2" long and it was agony. We were also going on holiday the next day and I couldn't swim or use the hot tub we'd paid a small fortune for. Sudocrem helped massively and also Lanacane cream (www.boots.com/lanacane-anaesthetic-cooling-cream-medication-60g-10021926) as it's got local anaesthetic in. I share your pain OP - mine took nearly 2 weeks to heal and I honestly thought I was going to have to go to A & E Blush.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 03/03/2017 16:25

I have really bad OCD and over the years i've had some bad times having to scrub myself with neat bleach and had a LOT of chemical burns. Personally i find the best thing to put on it isn't sudocrem but Savlon antiseptic cream. It's thinner, absorbs better, and took the majority of the sting/pain out for me within about 12 hours, if you put it on, thin layers, every 2 hours or so, it's what worked best for me.
In future though there isn't a single hair removal cream thats suitable for nethers. By bikini line they mean the ones on your thighs round the groin not the actual vulva.

SheWhoDaresGins2 · 03/03/2017 16:36

Snotgobbler99

According to him, his starfish swelled up something horrible and turned into something more like an angry octopus

That story itself was hilarious but ^ that bit there made me inhale my southern comfort and it came out my nose. Such a mental image Grin Grin