Jesus fuck, my fanny is on fire!

[CatCafe]

So, tired of stubble down there, I thought I might achieve a smoother result with hair removal cream. Chose a sensitive skin/ bikini-line safe one, didn't bother patch testing just slathered it right on.

When I rinsed in the shower it felt like I was pouring acid onto myself, it burns when I walk or move and I'm fucking terrified of what'll happen when I need to pee so torn between crossing my legs and leaving them open in hope of "airing" my afflicted area.

Now walking like John Wane and have a fanny slathered in half a tub of Sudocrem.

Cheer me up with similar tales of personal grooming gone wrong/ advice on how to stop the pain.

You have my sympathy. I was going to link the amazon reviews, but lurkinghusband beat me to it. I can confirm that those reviews are indeed accurate. The particular company didn't pay any heed to the fact that for most men, instructions are something you look at once it's all gone wrong already.

I found that ice cold water gave a temporary relief to the lava like burning of my nethers. Sort of like tea-bagging a bowl of icy water. Longer term, savlon or bepanthen both gave some relief to the chemical burns !

RLD

Absolutely LOVE this thread!!!! What does it say about me laughing at others misfortune...

Savlon is good for burns

I once waxed and then fake tanned and didn't avoid 'the area' enough. My god. The itching and burning lasted at least a week.

Another hair removal cream here!
Day before I was being induced with DS2, I decided to do my armpits, so I'd be all smooth and feel very glamorous.
Slathered it all on, got in the shower and grabbed some of DH's Lush shower gel.
It's main ingredient was lemon.
It reacted with the hair removal cream and gave me acid burns.
I'm 99% that's what got me through labour, the pain in my pits was well worse than the pain in my lady bits.
The midwife ended up getting a doctor to prescribe burn cream!
Then, two days after birth, I ended up getting a bloody fungal infection in my armpit because all the skin was peeling and it got all vile and nasty.
I'm leaving them au natural for the foreseeable future 😷

Quim I didn't get it inside (thank god!) but I did put it on a wider area ahem than just my bikini line.

It stung all over- bikini line and all. It was fucking horrible.

Changed you have my sincerest sympathies, your story is twice as bad as mine!

Ouch that sounds bad ! Isit the veet one ? And has anyone ever used hair removal cream on their top lip and if so does it work ? I'm sick of having a tash lol!

Oh this thread is funny, sorry OP . I have no advice to add except that I am so glad now that my lady garden is kept au natural!

Sorry to hear of your fanjo fiasco OP, you have my sympathies.
LurkingHusband I wondered if anyone was going to post that link. It makes me weep with laughter.

I told this story just the other day on here. I epilated my fanny and the epilator ran away with itself and I got my flap caught up in the roller. I had to unravel it

Aloe Vera aftersun is your friend

We were making love once and it gradually became clear that my OH wasn't in ecstasy but agony- I'd been cooking with fresh chillis and forgotten to ash my hands before DTD

wash not ash!!!

have literally just wet myself laughing at "Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Jesus noarmani that sounds PAINFUL

Greenteandchives
I just spluttered my red wine across the keyboard.

Never ever go into the Dead Sea.

Brilliant thread - has really made me laugh, that link is hilarious Lurking

Lurking - absolutely hilarious. Thank you.

Holy fuck noarmani

Not vulva related but my younger sister turned up to my wedding to exh with a pink mustache as she had left immac on her top lip for too long.

Almost - hope you are OK and in a good place at the moment.

Oh I've just remembered by burning fanny story, it is TMI so I apologise.

We were camping and DH had been eating a spicy bombay mix, we decided to have sex and H was giving me oral. The warming sensation was really quite pleasant to begin with then it started to burn. I threw some clothes on and ran to the inadequate showers where the shower head was fixed to the wall. I was in there for ages trying to gather water from the shower head into your hands to cool my burning fanny.

Mine was more of a Mexican Hairless with mange than a Brazilian.

I misread the title as 'my nanny is on fire' and was genuinely impressed that in between drop-and-rolling her you were able to find time to post on MN. My burny-ouchy fanjo story involves slicing up mega hot chillies and then failing to wash chilli residue from hands prior to going to the loo. You can imagine the rest.