Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

*Where is that thread from last year about coffee where people (including me) expressed mild surprise that INSTANT coffee was still the most popular hmm

I'm still surprised by that as I know no one who drinks instant.

I think Starbucks and costa are fine compared to fucking mellow birds which I spent the 70's/80's drinking.*

Ah, you haven't had Carte Noir - no other instant comes close, and it is better than some non-instant Coffee's.

The only one slight drawback (with a tiny bit of guilt) it is made by the bastards that are Mondelez (a division of Kraft foods).

Argh, quote fail.

LoupGarou so what did you order, and were they prepared to wait while you sold a kidney to pay for it?

Oh I love that McDs ad!! Genius. Maccy D's coffee is actually pretty good.

Another thing I hate is the word "artisanal". Because all I see is the word anal.

I was laughing at this thread until worras deconstructed spag bol, now I just feel raaaaggggeee!
I would not be a happy girl if I'd paid to go out to eat and was presented with separate Tupperware jars of food like that!

Business speak wankery - 'reaching out' as in thanks for the email address I'll reach out to them. Always have an office wankery rage when I get one of those...

Architect designed houses, surely they've all been designed by an architect at some stage - wankery!

I once even saw a job advert headed with the question, "Are you passionate about potatoes?"

No, no I'm not. And all you passionate lot would do well to calm the fuck down.

MumBod

I don't drink much coffee at all, but if I do, it's instant at home, and a soya latte at a cafe. (I have bought real coffee to make at home, but whatever I buy and however I make it, I don't like it as much as I like the instant.)

I once observed 'cheese theatre'. It was in a hotel and I had what I thought was going to be a normal meal, but it was the kind where what was described as a chicken pie and mash was actually half a chicken breast with a cheese straw balanced on top of it surrounded by the merest smear of mash. I have a comparitively small appetite and I think it was one of the few times that I have actually had room for pudding after a meal out.

The bloke on the next table had the 'cheese theatre'. Poor bloke had to sit there while the cheese sommelier gave him a potted history of about 15 different cheeses on a trolley, after which he was allowed to pick three to eat.

The80sweregreat I don't know, I tried to find out the price but apparently it would "ruin the experience of bliss and contentment" and they would subtly present me with the bill at the ends, then I'd know . I walked out, I figured my schreeches of horror over the bound to be ridiculous price would do more to ruin my bliss and contentment. I do wonder how the staff actually come out with this stuff without cringing.

I'm nodding along to most of this thread but I love babbycinnos - a free warm milk for my toddler. Brilliant!

"great vocals"

Great singing. Just say: singing!!!

a carefully curated collection of tat mass produced homeware

Why thank you highinthesky

ArcheryAnnie I didn't order anything, it was absolutely packed with people though. I think they were after souls actually

*AndShesGone Thu 23-Feb-17 11:30:46

Someone put a leaflet through my door asking if they could 'curate my collections, everything from socks to books'.

I reckon they were a de-clutterer hmm but could have been a choosy burglar for all I know*

LOVE THIS

downtime. redesigned
we are the place you go when you want to switch off. when you’ve stopped trying to change the world. when you’ve put your feet up.

a deep respect for heritage and a love for the new. our design sensibilities derive from a universal aesthetic, steeped in heritage. when you use our products, you experience something timeless.

This wankery is selling slippers.
This is just part of the ludicrous marketing that I am ashamed to say I bought into.
My slippers are not downtime reinvented. They are shit and annoying. The stupid colour contrast rubber/silicon shutters sole comes off the front of one slipper constantly leaving me to flap around like a lame penguin trying to flip it back on again.
And the beauty in simplicity crap? The slippers look as though I nicked them from my frugal wartime grandad. There is no beauty or quality that shines through.

They are shit. And cost me around £80 if I remember. I was hoping for lovely comfortable, attractive and practical slippers. I curse the fucking things every time I put the bastards on.

See the picture? I do not look like that. Usually I am limping around trying to flap the sole back on.
*Wankery!
*

Also once in Pret I'd had a really horrible day with my grumpy just turned 1 year old trying to get him to sleep by pushing around in the rain. Went into Pret, ordered a coffee, cake and a babycinno realised I'd forgotten my purse and (slightly tearfully) asked if they minded if I just used the loo to change the baby. They gave me the order for free. I have a really glowy feeling about it all.

oh dear, i think they will have to change their ways at that place then!
most people need to know the price first. Helps with the 'bliss' of drinking it all.

Buying free range eggs or locally, ethically sourced meat from your local butcher isn't wanky so why is drinking coffee from your local coffee shop wanky?

It isn't. Twatting on about it to anyone who didn't back away fast enough will listen is wanky though.

It's what makes you want to carefully Aeropress in front of them, then subtly switcheroo and give them supermarket own brand instant 😈 to listen to them wanky-twat on about single origin beans.

DB is a bit of a coffee twat but never initiates a conversation about it.

I do not know what 'shutters sole' should have been.
Possibly shittery sole. Sounds accurate

Splendide, that was nice - you will tell people about how sweet they were and then others will go along too.
why cant other places be like this?

oh and so agree with hand cut ciabatta

give me something that's been made by a nice, clean machine any day rather than a disillusioned, underpaid youth who was probably out on the piss last night and hasn't showered (*disclaimer I was once this youth so am allowed to stereotype)

The work cafe has quinoa salad in a mason jar, and mason jars of 'freshly pressed carrot juice'. They also serve cartons of orange juice, and chicken Caesar salad in a plastic bowl.

Obviously when me and a colleague are ordering, we order 'normal salad' or 'wanky salad', and crap juice or wanky juice neither of which sound that appealing

I also hate 'loaded with', like jacket spuds or chips. Spud with cheese and beans seems to be relegated to the 90s. 8-hour baked Maris piper potato loaded with sour cream and whatever other pointless wankery has now taken over. Or loaded fries with an array of wankiness. It's chips with chilli and cheese. Not loaded fries.

Do they think that if they don't put the pound sign on the menus we won't think that £3.50 is quite a lot for chips hand cut skin on triple cooked heritage potato batons-- and we'll just hand our cards over to pay and not realise that it's real money we're spending

There's a whole shop full of such wankery in the centre of Durham. I can't help but smirk when I walk past.