Random shite your parents tell you with utter conviction...

[CharleyDavidson]

but that you know is bollocks!

My Mum insists that anything that you can inherit genetically from your family always skips a generation.

My Mum's blood is negative. As is mine. She asserts that I must have inherited that from my Grandmother. And she must have inherited hers from her grandmother.

Bonkers. I know that genetic traits can skip generations, but not always and not with such predictability. But she won't have it.

Mine tells me i should eat a chocolate bar at lunch as it will fill me up and i wont need diner.

My nan believes if you stand a baby on its legs they will go bandy. Whatever that means.

Gay people are only gay because they can't find anyone of the opposite sex who will have them, according to my mother! Which is odd, because I came out as a lesbian a couple of years ago after two long-term relationships with men...

Mrsemcgregor - I'm sorry to say that your mum was right about jelly being full of protein!!!!

That is if she was referring to Calfs Foot Jelly.

The jelly is made by boiling down calf's feet. The key component in the feet is collagen– a protein found mainly in connective tissue. Feet are full of this collagen rich connective tissue. When cooled the liquid solidifies and makes a absolutely vile and disgusting firm jelly which is full of protein.

This concoction used to be fed to invalids in the "olden days".

Ew Fairyfwellowstyhats put me right off my roast beef and mustard Brannigan crisps that i was enjoying.

Here's a lovely picture of a meat dish encased in calfs foot jelly.

It's enough to turn you into a vegan!!!

indeed vom face.

That we went for loads of days out in Henley when I was a teenager. I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO HENLEY.

That she knew the first time I'd had sex because 'something changed in your eyes'. Except I hadn't, and didn't for a good year or so afterwards .

That you only get cystitis from sex. I got cystitis aged 12 and no amount of me saying I hadn't had sex convinced her. It was only a few years ago when she read an article about cystitis she admitted she wrong. She was so pleased because she'd spent years thinking I'd been raped or something awful. Mad old bat, she could have just believed me

We told dd1 that the Guinea pigs we got were a girl and a boy (that's what she wanted, however we didn't want any Guinea pig babies).
She is still very indignant that in fact they were both male!

My mum INSISTED it would take me 2 years to get pregnant. Absolutely adamant, because it took her some time, and took her sister/my aunt a lot of time. I got pregnant after 3 weeks, and we were not ready for it in the slightest (I genuinely believed her when she said it would take ages). Grr!

When we watch Real Madrid on TV, she can't understand how it can possibly be raining as they always have nice hot weather in Spain.

That going out without a vest or a hat on will always lead to a cold, never that you sat next to someone on the bus who was snotty beyond belief.

That I fancy David Essex and have done since I was a teen (I cant stand the bloke and his smug smile, never have done. She's getting mixed up with one of my sisters)

That DS (17) who is gay just hasn't met the right girl yet

Mil: -if you wear green it makes you die (tho apparently it suits me and I should wear it more often)
-commuting gives you cancer
-cutting your nails on a Sunday makes you die
She's a cheerful soul...

Oh and being gay is just fashionable nowadays that's why everyone's at it

I recently got a new motorbike with green on it and my mum got really upset as aparently its really unlucky. Since when is green unlucky? She has never mentioned this before.

If you sit on a cold wall or pavement you get piles dont you know !

@flapjackfairy i got told if you sat in puddles when i was little my friend and i sat in one try and find out what they where.

I know i hadnt got a clue what piles were only that they were bad, very bad.
Another one was dont go out with wet hair because you will get bells palsy ?? And your face will droop one side! Same if you pulled a funny face and the wind changed.
I also had a grandmother who believed you weighed less if you stood on the scales with one leg instead of two! Ha ha we wish! It didnt matter how many times people proved it to be nonsense she still wouldnt have it

My mum told me for years that baby grows are called hoppers.
There I am 20 years later looking for baby grows for DD and I ask the girl in Next where the hoppers are
When I was 15 someone convinced me you could get a 6 inch whale as a pet and it never grows any bigger. My mum said I could have one if I went to the pet shop and bought it myself. My mum waited in the car. I bet I made their fucking day

fuckoff that is amazing. So doing that to my kids!

My mum refused to believe my explanation for not wanting a microwaved baked potato when I was about 15 (hotter than the sun in the middle/shrivelled on the outside). In fact she told me that I was 'talking shite'

Stingray green is unlucky at a wedding so I'm wondering if people are just applying it to all situations.

My mum said the reason Catholics don't eat meat on Good Friday is because they think it turns into Jesus's flesh in their mouths. She added hastily that it didn't really, but needless to say, my sister and I were so horrified we didn't eat meat on Good Friday for years.

I must take my coat off immediately after entering the house or I won't feel the benefit when I go back outside.

That she wasn't 'allowed' to babysit my DC, she's absolutely adamant that I wouldn't part with them. Obviously she forgets telling me a billion times that she wouldn't.

That I went grey early because I used temporary hair colours (remember Harmony?) when I was younger. People who dye their hair go grey early, apparently. Or, my dad went grey in his 20's..?