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Original poster

I hate having kids

571 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 18:04

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett · 18/09/2016 09:26

(Exhales)
Every bit of what has been said on this thread has me nodding and oh, the remembering!
And I have 2 easily conceived, smart, perfectly healthy, excellent sleepers, popular and lovely young adults. And a perfect DH (really). And a very supportive extended family.
The hospital fantasy. Every day.
I used to fantasise about driving into a wall. Not enough to die, but enough to stop the world for a few months.
Then the not one but two nervous breakdowns.
Yes to perfectionist introvert, in fact a hell yes.
I love them so much, would die for them happily. Every upset they have hurts my heart and I would do anything to make it better.
They are both back at Uni after a looooong summer in and out of home and the day they left, DH and I did a dance of joy (which we then felt guilty about).
I happily pay the huge amount of money to allow them to live independently to study. Would get another job on top of this one if I had to. Work is easy in comparison (and I have a v stressful FT job).
We read all this mummy propaganda and expect too much. Having it all is a con. Would I do it again? Knowing what I know now?
Yes. But I've no idea why.

PacificDogwod · 18/09/2016 09:37

Having it all is a con.

Yes. Absolutely. Funny though that nobody is trying to sell that con to men/fathers.

Would I do it again? Knowing what I know now? Yes. But I've no idea why.

Yes, me too Confused

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 18/09/2016 09:41

Once you're a mother everything is about compromise and I find that infrequently am the least considered, least important person in the house. I rarely get time to eat the dinner I've cooked as dd will decide to cry and need feeding / to go to bed etc, but dh never says he will take her whilst I eat for a change. Normally dinner is a piece of toast grabbed between sorting out chaos.

It's so shit because when you're with them you want them to go away and then when they aren't with you you miss them.

What's the answer? There isn't one.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett · 18/09/2016 09:41

Crazy isn't it?
The urge to have them was overwhelming but after the 2nd I was equally overwhelmed by the knowledge that I was done.
So is it hormones?

Florathefern · 18/09/2016 10:39

Mine are very close in age, I wonder if that is part of the problem? I read there should be at least three years between all children. For me I know that I certainly should never have had a second child. I knew that before she was born and I feel guilty about it.

Rozdeek · 18/09/2016 10:43

flora

I always think small age gaps look hell on earth. My DS is 6 months - if I got pregnant any time in the next 3 years I would terminate.

But there are lots of people on this thread with only one child, or with large age gaps, who find it equally hard.

gamerchick · 18/09/2016 10:44

Well there are decent gaps between mine, one was starting school when the second was born.

Would I do it again knowing what I know now? Not a fucking chance.

KatieScarlett · 18/09/2016 10:45

2 in 2 years here.
A longer gap fills me with horror, far longer until freedom IYSWIM?

Rozdeek · 18/09/2016 10:47

katie

I totally get that viewpoint too but the stress of having two tiny ones seems worse to me

Msqueen33 · 18/09/2016 11:01

I think all gaps are a horror. We wanted to take the kids to indoor climbing. Big two are fine youngest is too young. Same with theme parks. She's too small for some stuff. I'd also say if you get to two never have three as it doesn't work at all. My friend has two and has recently had another breakdown. Which is obviously awful but I feel slightly jealous she got a hospital stay which in turn makes me feel like a horrible person.

KatieScarlett · 18/09/2016 11:06

I took the short term pain option.
Smile
And boy was it painful...

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 18/09/2016 11:11

I shouldn't have had the second one because the first one is horrifically high maintenance. I was coping with just him but it turns out him and a baby is too much for me. He is on the spectrum and has dyspraxia, he never ever stops ever. It drives me mad. He's relentlessly demanding. And even though he's 7 he does stupid things that you'd think only a younger one would do.
My daughter is actually a delight but I'm so anxious about her that I can't enjoy her. I don't think I will ever feel relaxed or enjoy anything ever again. Someone always wants something from me, I can never get anything done because halfway through I will have to stop to assist someone with something.

OP posts:
Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 18/09/2016 11:12

And dh is fucking useless. He hasn't changed his life one iota.

OP posts:
SymbollocksInteractionism · 18/09/2016 12:04

Throughautomaticdoors
No wonder you're finding it so hard your DH should be sharing the load! What does he do when you hand him the baby and say you have to eat, bathe etc?

MagikarpetRide · 18/09/2016 14:03

everything is about compromise and I find that infrequently am the least considered, least important person in the house.

This with bells on. Except it's not just my house but my wider family. I have a chronic illness and there are days I just about function and others I'm perfectly fine. The net result is, despite my own DM having a chronic illness herself, that they just feel I just don't care enough to make an effort. But they want me to make all the running with them. I can't. I can't even arrange my own life beyond school runs ATM. If I'm ill my dc come first above me but I need me next or the dcs have no one (well DH but not whilst he's at work obviously).

Sorry for the random off target rant

Mol1628 · 18/09/2016 14:27

Hmm well i am glad I had the small gap now. Had much second when first was still annoying a toddler and I hadn't yet got my life back.

My SIL is just about to to have her second as her first has started school. All that chaos of a newborn whilst doing the school run and homework and washing uniform etc. No thanks. For the first year of having to two children it was all my schedule, I could stay in if I wanted, not get us dressed. It was bloody hard though and I would never do it again.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 18/09/2016 14:58

Love this thread. Thank you all so much for posting what I have felt for 15 years Flowers Blush Sad

ssd · 18/09/2016 15:37

What's the answer? There isn't one

the problem isnt your kids, its your husband, but how the hell to change him, I dont know Sad

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 18/09/2016 16:11

The answer is to LTB - we can't get to 19 pages without having one LTB, surely?!

Honestly, the struggle is so much less relentless when you can pack them off to their dad's house once a week and look after yourself.

I've just returned from a night at a hotel and spa with some dear friends while the DCs are at home with dad. If your dcs' dad won't help take the pressure off then dump his arse and take some time for yourself.

PacificDogwod · 18/09/2016 16:57

No, no, the answer is 42, surely Grin

PacificDogwod · 18/09/2016 16:58

The other answer would be 'Down with the Patriarchy!' but I don't see that happening in time for me Hmm

Floggingmolly · 18/09/2016 17:01

Why is this in Classics?? Hmm

woowoowoo · 18/09/2016 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rozdeek · 18/09/2016 18:14

molly because it's a fantastic thread.

As a new mum with pnd I feel utterly validated and supported by it.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 18/09/2016 18:19

The thread could be saved in numerous places other than Classics.

How are other parents who "hate having kids" going to find it in the future? It could easily go in relationships or aibu.

Swipe left for the next trending thread