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I hate having kids

571 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 18:04

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

OP posts:
Famalam13 · 21/09/2016 08:04

Posted on this thread before but have NC. DH told me the other night he doesn't feel I love him anymore. Can't blame him really. DS is an early riser so I go to bed at 8. DH gets in at 6. Puts DS to bed. We watch something like Mock the Week while eating in silence then I go to bed. I have no time or energy for affection.

Why did I do this to my amazing life? Just crying at my own stupidity. As PP has said there is no hope because losing DS would ruin my life even more.

I thought I was meant to be a mum, that I would be good at it. I was a fool.

Elephantsaremygods · 21/09/2016 08:21

It won't always be like this fam. How old is your little one?

Famalam13 · 21/09/2016 08:28

Thanks Elephants he is almost 8 months. I thought it would get better with time but this thread is making me question that. I underestimated how hard it would be with no family support and no friends with babies.

Elephantsaremygods · 21/09/2016 08:35

Mine is 6 months and I totally get you, it's insanely hard. He was up all night last night and I'm exhausted.

I would go to some baby groups if you can, I don't have any friends with babies either but I went to groups and have made a few new ones :)

Famalam13 · 21/09/2016 08:39

Flowers, Cake and Brew for you elephants! I go to groups everyday which save my sanity especially my local one. Problem is all we talk about is babies Grin

Spongebobfrillypants · 21/09/2016 08:59

This thread has been a game changer for me. I have 4 children ranging from ages 15 - 11. My career decisions have all been based on the fact that I thought I would have children & that my husband would be the bread winner. I was an intelligent girl at school & I have thrown that all away & am earning a pittance. I am sick of the drudge of housework & have now decided to get a cleaner. I cannot see how 1 person (ie me) should be responsible for the cleaning, tidying, household management for a family of 6. This is not what I signed up for. I really do think men must be laughing their socks off - they've married women who are now capable of doing everything so why the hell should they do anything anymore?

Msqueen33 · 21/09/2016 10:05

I agree Sponge. I'm sure my husband has a good laugh that the only person he gets ready in the morning is himself. Whilst I get three ready and two of them have autism so aren't easy so I was having to defuse a meltdown at school from middle DC whose bag wasn't the one she wanted despite the fact she hadn't brought the one she wanted nor would it fit her swimming towel in whilst trying to get DC 3 who also has autism to school.

Dd 1 is struggling with behaviour at school and has started acting out.

But all this falls to me. I didn't want to give up work but the two with autism cannot cope with lots of childcare other than me. I'm exhausted. I want to run away. My husband in my opinion has an easy life. He gets home late so I've put the kids to bed, he never has to wash or iron anything and doesn't have to put up with drudgy crap. I love my kids but with hindsight the worry never stops and I'm so tired I'm not sure I can take many more years of this. 🍫 To all.

MunchCrunch01 · 21/09/2016 10:10

mol don't despair, you'll get some free hours at 3 and can you start on a course in the evenings to make you have options once your dc are older? I try never to judge anything by bad days when I feel defeated, and I find the feeling defeated/tired is closely correlated with how my DC are sleeping, when they sleep better, everything seems better.

Swirlingasong · 21/09/2016 12:37

Famalam, with both of mine 8 months was really, really hard. It just seemed like never ending feeding with milk and trying to get solids in too and wiping things, so much wiping! All combined with still havi g severe sleep disruption at the point when everyone else seems to assume you've got the hang of this mum thing. It does get better than that. I enjoyed my babies far more once they were one and were walking and communicating properly. Isolation and lack of support is still an issue so do get out to toddler groups (and don't be put off by the first one, they vary a lot). I would have gone mad without my weekly cup of tea and chat.

Famalam13 · 21/09/2016 12:44

Oh gosh yes swirling all the wiping! If it's not food it's sick or dribble. When do they stop being sicky?!

Glad to hear it gets better :) people always seem surprised to hear he doesn't sleep through, I think that's expected now so they can't work out why I'm exhausted.

Swirlingasong · 21/09/2016 13:32

With mine it was when they got mobile, sitting properly and eating a good amount of solid food. Hope it happens for you soon.

And yes to everyone being surprised by the lack of sleep. I never understood it as it's quite normal. Only difference is that at 8 weeks people expect you to be exhausted and need help. 8 months is far more exhausting I think because by then you've had no sleep for two thirds of a year and actually looking after the child is a lot more tiring.

PalaceGirl · 21/09/2016 14:13

Mine are 2 and 4 and I get sick of the sound of my own voice sometimes. I keep waiting for a 'slower' day but it's dawned on me that's never going to happen. Someone pass the gin

BabyGanoush · 21/09/2016 20:28

I do think a lot of us, especially those born in the 70s, who were teens in the 80s and started study/work in the 90s were sold the lie of having it all.

I thought I could HAVE it all.

Turns out, I have to DO it all!

MunchCrunch01 · 21/09/2016 20:29

Yeah I thought you had kids, went back to your high powered ft career job and that was that (hollow laugh)

FRETGNIKCUF · 21/09/2016 20:35

I've skimmed....

Your children are normal annoying self centred needy gorgeous kids. Having a supportive and understanding partner makes all the difference.

Go out. Go out and don't call to check off DH is okay. (In fact pray that something really demanding and difficult happens and be out of touch).
Then find a hobby, an uninterruptible hobby... like fencing?? Street fighting? Fuck knows... something that is all about you and gets you beating the shit out of life.

Then..... book time away with your husband when you can leave the kids. It may be in a year';s time but do it.

FRETGNIKCUF · 21/09/2016 20:36

Mine are 14, 13, 10 and 7....

If any of them had super hearing they would hear my whispering utterances and call the police in fear of their lives every some mornings.

girlandboy · 21/09/2016 22:15

Lots of you have mentioned running away. Well last month I did just that.
DS (16) has broken me with his behaviour towards me and his attitude. I looked up the symptoms of chronic stress and a nervous breakdown and I ticked every box.

So with my DH"s blessing I went away. On my own. Just for a few days. I was scared, and a jittery mess but after the first day I was a lot calmer. It was blissful.
Things have been a little better since I came home. Trouble is, I quite fancy running away on a regular basis now!

God knows I love my kids, but I don't think I love being a Mum. Perhaps essentially I'm too selfish.

DebbieDoesDubai · 22/09/2016 04:50

FRETGNIKCUF I love your user name 😂

DebbieDoesDubai · 22/09/2016 04:54

girl did you tell your DS you were going? Did you just disappear? Does he have any understanding of what drove you to it?

teenagers can be beyond mentally and emotionally draining in a way that small children and babies can't come even come close to, IME.

At least with small children it's physically exhausting but containable and you can still be reasonably in control. Plus they don't generally have the same level of contempt for you that teens can have.

Squeegle · 22/09/2016 08:32

I have not been pushed to the edge of despair with my DCs until now. My DS 12, has always been challenging, but it's the contempt and the rudeness that I find so hard. If I ask him what he wants for breakfast he says none of your business, and he is physically bigger than me and knows it, so he is becoming impossible to discipline. I keep optimistic that he will go back to the nice young friendly fellow that he was only a year ago... But I don't know how to do it really.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 22/09/2016 08:33

Love this thread, glad to see I'm not alone. I too have fantasised of having a short stay in prison or a minor illness that causes me to have a few days in hospital. Blush
I have 4 dc, the first 3 didn't make me feel like this but dc 4 is immensely hard work. She is 3.3 yrs and takes 1.5hrs to settle to bed then she can be wide awake again at 4am. I haven't had a full nights sleep in years. She is likely to have asd and is non verbal, trying to guess what she wants is nigh on impossible (no pointing either) and the wrong guess results in horrendous melt downs. I've been unable to potty train her so far so she's like a big, heavy baby. I do know how it works as my other 3 dc were all out of nappies by 2-2.5. She bites, scratches, hits and pulls my hair. She has me in tears most days tbh.:(
I love her to death but omg of I'd have had her first she would be an only child! She wasn't planned and on very bad days I think I shouldn't have continued with the pregnancy. I haven't told dh that as I feel so evil thinking it Sad

girlandboy · 22/09/2016 09:11

DebbieDoesDubai yes I told DS the night before I went that I was "going away for a few days". He said "sorry, that's because of me". So he knew!

He's been a little better since, but I think he's beginning to lapse into his old ways again. Hence me wanting to go away again!! I don't think I ought to abandon ship every other month though Wink

PacificOcean · 22/09/2016 14:28

parisgellar sorry to hear that didn't work out. But don't give up! Now you've realised you want to go back to work, you can look for another job. Being a SAHM isn't for everyone.

Throughautomaticdoors · 22/09/2016 18:25

I have had a particularly shitty day. Figuratively and sadly also literally as apparently my 7 year old is incapable of pulling himself away from the iPad on time and so shat himself spectacularly.
If I'd known how relentlessly crap it would be I wouldn't have had them but like other posters if anything happened to either of them my life would be ruined so there is no solution!

OP posts:
FRETGNIKCUF · 22/09/2016 23:23

Ban devices during the week. Solves loads of fights about screen time.

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