I hate having kids

[Throughautomaticdoors]

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

But ms if they had warned you, would you have listened?

That hormonal cocktail of being in love and urge to reproduce must be one of the most powerful, primal urges a human can experience.

I'd have acted on it, as I say, if the circumstances had been right, even given all the very obvious reasons why for me it would have been a bad idea.

Just passing round the gin. A bottle each to all who need it.

I'm making haw gin tomorrow

Nothing and nobody can possibly 'warn' anybody about what it's like IMO.

I had had 3 MCs, was in my late 30s and had just got to the point that I started thinking about what a child free life would look and feel like. I know I would have come out the other side of the upset and sadness had it never happened for us - just like it sounds you did, Words

I don't think anyone could have put me off. It might have made me think more though. Pass the vodka ladies.

Haw gin you say? Like rose hips? Or is it sloe gin with a different name?
Chinks glasses and orders vodka especially for ms.

I need to join you.

Got two, severe illness, work ft, single parent and appear to have kids who want to break me. I also have no family support. And I'm
Moving house in next 2 3 months so managing the process along side of the above.

I cried through both child stories tonight and found myself pleading with child 2 to fucking shut up. Yes I said that.

This is the worst thing I've ever done.

Haw gin

For you too, conscientious, sounds like you need it.
TTSP, TTSP, TTSP, TTSP*.... repeat ad infinitum

*this too shall pass

Thank you Pacific.

conscientioussuicidee

I am like words - the right man didn't come along. However I never feel broody even though others were pregnant. Well done on your perseverance to all of you who find motherhood hard.

Don't worry I've said worse and felt vile after. 🍷🍷🍷🍷

Out of interest I wonder how many of us that struggle with parenthood had issues conceiving?

I had 4 miscarriages and recurrent miscarriage testing. Having a successful pregnancy took on a whole new level for me... I have heard there us a high rate of PND in IVF mums...not sure of the link sorry I'm tired and not very eloquent

For clarity I'm not sure of the reason for a higher rate of PND in IVF mums.

I was late 30s too, but no trouble conceiving.

Took my 2 out today. Went to a garden centre for lunch - and to let the children blow off steam in the soft play area.
I'm ill. Didn't realise how ill until we got going. It's a cold, but its turning into a bad one.
DH decides to look at a few things first, so I went to queue up to get some drinks and pay for entry to soft play. Ds1 is nearly 6 and he asked if he could find a table to sit at. I said ok, one less pain to keep an eye on as he's good at sitting and waiting, but crap at queueing.
Cue ds2 going absolutely batshit at me. He's 2 1/2 and is as stubborn as a mule and a bit behind with his talking. He started screaming, I couldn't understand him. He kept trying to run off and I'd not got the buggy or his backpack with the strap with me. I was trying to hold his hand, but he was pulling away and trying to run. At one point I ended up having to grab his t-shirt to stop him bolting - into the path of a waitress with a tray of hot food!
I could feel the judgement. The lady in the queue next to me with the perfectly behaved child, not screaming loud enough to make your ears bleed!
I started to feel a little faint. I lost my grip on ds2 and he ran off so fast I couldn't follow. Guess what? He just wanted to go and sit next to his brother and sat there perfectly quietly until I'd got the drinks and sat down with them.
DH finally turned up having purchased plant pot feet (eh?) and took them into the soft play. He came back, we drank our coffee and I found myself wondering again why I thought I'd make a good mum, I was so close to the snapping point with ds2 today.
I feel like every time I go out in public with ds2, something like this happens. I keep telling myself it's a phase, but it's still in the getting worse part.
I'm exhausted and now I can't sleep due to this bloody cold which I caught off ds1. I love them utterly unconditionally, I just wish they'd stop trying to destruct test it.

IceBeing I've made an appointment to see my new GP. I've felt a lot better the last few days but I know the grey will creep nack if I don't do something about it. There have been some big changes recently but this...decline...had already begun. My partner and I split up 6 months ago so I'm now a single parent. I decided to move away from the area I'd always lived because I thought a new start would help...so the stress of a big move, plus wondering if I've done the right thing for the kids, has taken a toll. My eldest is off to Uni this weekend, too, which comes with its own set of worries/pressures, not least of which has been extending my credit in order to pay for all his supplies/accommodation deposit/living expenses until his loans come through. Some pretty big reasons for feeling overwhelmed.
There are times when I feel like I'm drowning, melodramatic as that sounds.

At one point I wanted to fling myself under a bus just so I could be taken to hospital and have a sleep for a few days. Both my kids were (accidents) surprises and at only 13 months apart I've fund it extremely difficult. Mine are 1 and 2 years old. People keep telling me it only gets worse. I wish I had the balls to tell them to fuck right off!

Arniechops I've got three and the elder and the middle at 13 months between them. The toddler years were tough (one has autism so slightly different) but actually now they're older it's a lot easier. They do fight occasionally but they're amazing friends. You swap a lot of worries but it's not as shit as when they're small 🍫

I am sad for so many of you that you haven't been able to admit this in RL, I at least had a couple of friends who I could say, when going through a particularly hard time that sometimes I wished I had never done it or would talk about our fantasies of being in traction with a very bad break that required weeks of hospital admission.

I found the toddler years the hardest by a long way and remember being 7 months pregnant and trying to wrestle DS (2) into a shopping trolley and failing so letting him walk (bad idea!) giving up, leaving the supermarket and then trying to wrestle him into the car seat and failing. Finally locked him in the car and stood by the car howling in despair to the consternation of the trolley man.

I am now a single parent to teenage DC and am probably enjoying (if that's the right word) this bit the most. It's still bloody relentless and thankless but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, ie they might actually leave one day.
Exh blamed our marriage breakdown on us having kids but I think I'll be having the last laugh as he has just had a new baby (at the age of 46) with his much younger girlfriend. I think he is off his head quite frankly, as I wave my youngest off to Uni he will still have a pre schooler. The thought of doing that all over again would have me running for the hills.

Yep, it's pretty shit a lot of the time😤.No getting round that. Got two boys, 3 and 6. After fucking up much, the things I've learnt are:

• Don't by shy asking for help. With our first, we found it really hard for the reasons mentioned, but we thought it wasn't right to ask. Like it's a weakness or failure on our part. Those with less support from a partner have even more reason to call in reinforcements from wherever they can. Get practical help like food for the freezer, someone to sit with them while you go for coffee etc. Family,friends,advice lines, GP. So with no.2 with did that much more,and found people were happy to help,they just hadn't offered as they thought all was fine.
• Think positive to reduce those energy-sapping daily battles. There's lots you can't control, but try to take a positive approach where you can. So where I'm trying this at the moment is to reduce the negative effects of those mini-battles I have with the boys every day, by avoiding shouting and argument. Find a way to bring the tone/volume down and discuss just why why it take 5 asks to put ur fucking shoes on etc. Maybe the shoes won't go on quicker, but eveyone will be less stressed at the end. Distraction is also great for this for the younger one.
• Look after your health. If you can, tweak your diet in the right direction, for more energy, improved mood and better sleep. Energy was a huge issue for us so i wish I'd worked this out at the start

Hope something here resonates, but keep looking, you'll find something that works for you. X

Yes I'm an introvert, a perfectionist... and a bit of a control freak to be honest, so I find it really difficult.

What a fantastically real & honest thread. Motherhood is 100000000% harder than I thought and I only have one 18 month old. I do feel like I have completely lost myself, I actually don't recognise myself which makes me so sad.

It's a never ending task with nice bits but the relentlessness of it all is so depressing. My relationship with DP is completely changed & I don't know if we will ever get it back, lack of any extra money and zero social life. I too just feel that there is nothing to look forward too in the future and it's very bleak for me.

I love my daughter more than anything else but I miss the care free happy person I was before so much

Oh god my people are all here

I'm lucky, my two sleep when they finally go down. But they're so bloody full on all day long. The short period between dh leaving and us needing to do the school run can result in complete breakdowns (mine), breakages (stuff thankfully), losses of items they were just bloody wearing.

They're 4 and 5.5 and I'm at the stage now where I have to request they come to the toilet with me because leaving them alone would result in something happening. I've had days where they've just had a tin of beans for dinner because I can't get into my open plan kitchen without having to immediately abandon what I'm doing and referee.

And throughout this, they actually get on. It isn't fighting. They're just monsters. For us. School and preschool think they have halos. Gah

Is it just me that mouths "just fuck off!" before answering their demands?
We've started the mrs brown approach of 'that's nice'. We know we mean fuck off but they don't

I have been on MN for 8+ years now (since I had DS3 and oh, how I wished I had found MN before I had him) and there are threads like this one from time to time.
They have put things in to perspective for me before and I am very grateful to all the resilient, articulate and amazing women on here who have shared their stories.

It means to much to not feel that I am the only Failed Mother when things are quite shit.

Wrt crying or even shouting (occasionally) at the kids: you know what? It does not do children any harm to see that their parents are human too. We err, we lose our patience, we can be grumpy - I suppose it does matter what we do when we feel like that and learning how/when to walk away was one of my most important parenting skills.

I am so stealing the 'that's nice' line

Love this thread. Sums up motherhood beautifully.

For me I struggle with ethg having to be child friendly. I dislike play centres playdates kids films other parents other children. Now my DCs are getting older it is easier but I'm not sure who I am any more and having kids has left me vulnerable and anxious about every little thing.

I haven't read the whole thread (currently ignoring children trashing upstairs, so time is very limited) but while my heart goes out to everyone here it's really good to read that I'm not the only one.

I've been struggling recently with the fact that I feel that everything I say to my beautiful children is nagging, stroppy or downright angry. I dislike actually playing with them (although don't mind wrestling) and this morning I actually did ask the small two to get off my lap and give me space - I'd had both in my bed all night. I haven't slept properly in over 8 years, and because XH walked out a couple of years ago I do it alone and although we get on well and he helps out a lot I really resent him being able to walk out and go home in the evening when things start to get heated. Also the fact that because he has time he's managed to find himself a GF; I really miss having an adult to hug.

I'm about to start university. I can't wait. I might actually recognise myself again...