I hate having kids

[Throughautomaticdoors]

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

8 months... I seem to remember in some ways it's better when they walk and you don't need the pram or pushchair all the time. Of course you then also end up walking at 0.00001 miles an hour.

Hmm well IMO it gets better when they're actually walking properly - which, if my DC are anything to go by, is when they're about four!

Actually, I felt that four was a bit of a 'magic number', because they start school, so then you finally get some decent time without them, and within a couple of years they become more reasonable, interesting, interested in stuff an adult might be, etc. But I appreciate that when your youngest is 8 months old that seems a long way off.

My manager has a 3 month old baby. He has lost loads of weight because he doesn't have time to eat at night and has aged overnight.

He asked me yesterday when it gets better. I didn't have the heart to tell him you swap one set of worries for another set. It's bloody relentless.

You should have said that and then given him a big smile and said 'but it's all worth it.'

I don't find having a child particularly hard. The first few weeks were by far he hardest. I just hate the responsibility. My son is amazingly good. He has no tantrums, is very affectionate, happy and has slept through the night since 3 weeks old. But I would still choose not to be a Mum if I could go back. I still don't enjoy him. You don't have to be necessarily struggling to regret parenthood.

I just hate beig responsible for another human being.

Oh 8 months. Yes everything is shit at 8 months.
All the lovely birth hormones have worn off. Generally the baby is on the move and really annoying having to stop them killing themselves with seemingly harmless household objects. They are old enough to take toys and annoy the older child but they don't understand discipline. They get bored but can't really do anything.

In a years time things should be a lot better. I still don't enjoy it but it's less of a struggle now.

8months...my DD didn't walk until 18 months and is still speech delayed at 3. Give me strength!

Another one signing in.

The quote up thread about being a source of joy but turning all other sources of joy to shit is so, so true.

I was hospitalised recently with what looked like appendicitis. Ambulanced in at 3 am in agony. They filled me full of morphine and left me on a trolley. In the corridor. It was BLISS. I was on a saline drip for severe dehydration so I didn't even have to drink. Best sleep I've had for years. I had No problem sleeping through the noise of an A&E department. Gutted when the tests came back clear and they discharged me with some antibiotics.

I can also second saucys recommendation of taking up training for a half marathon. Couple of hours to yourself several times a week. I am quite open about the fact that I run to protect my mental health. The benefits to my physical health are just a nice side effect.

It is the constant worry isn't it. Am I doing enough? Do they get on okay at school? Are they learning? Are they happy? Are they good people? Can they tell the time? Etc. The baby years although achingly boring are probably one of the most worry free but that's only in hindsight.

Ill today which is awful when you have a baby to care for :( I miss the days of illness meaning lying in bed with a hot drink and a book.

I read the feminine mystique by Betty Freidan as a teen. It sounds as if nothing has changed since 1950s America!

Women are being sold a lie. We study hard/get education/careers but are still living the lives of drudgery our grandmothers were but with higher expectations.

Met a friend today who is 16w with her first pregnancy.

I couldn't even muster up the enthusiasm to fib to her about motherhood. I just mumbled something about 'both kids are at difficult ages so it's a struggle right now' when she innocently asked my about my "highlights of being a mummy at the moment"

It does get better.
And different.

But you are SO right - the minutiae of motherhood/parenthood are way misrepresented and missed.

There was the famous occasion when I fell asleep in the dentist's chair. While he was doing a root canal treatment.
And I told him afterwards that I was really grateful for the lovely rest I'd had...

There's nothing anybody can say to prepare an expecting mother for what it is really like IME.

Annaanaconda: "I remember reading books when pregnant where women wrote about how much confidence being a mother gave them. For me its the exact opposite. All my confidence disappeared after he was born and I feel I have no identity."

Yes, this. I didn't speak to DD1 unless at home or with family for months, I was so insecure in this role of "mother". Between 6-12 months it was okay, then she got ragey because she wanted to walk, then I found myself pregnant with DD2 (big shock after IVF needed for DD1), and then we moved house.

I have had ante/post-natal depression since about two months before DD2 was born, she is now five months old. I can't stand the lack of sleep, the constant noise, the lack of time or space for myself.

I have just started having counselling, and hoping it helps. I don't want to take antidepressants because I'm breastfeeding, but an starting to wonder if it's the only option, when I daydream about suicide far too often (ie, at all).

I also do the same as many PPs and stay up too late just to have some time without the children, even though it means less sleep. I'll also bundle them into the car because if I'm driving I'm "allowed" to ignore the crying/whining.

Thank fuck DH is supportive, for those of you struggling on your own or with useless partners.

I've just sat and read this thread crying with both relief and guilt.

DS is 2 and I work full time, which is exhausting but still so much easier than being a SAHM. I work away fairly often and the sheer joy of being in a hotel room on my own is incredible.

He didn't sleep for the first 18 months and was diagnosed with cancer at 8 months so it's only recently that everything has stopped being a blur. I ate my way through the sleep deprivation and stress of cancer treatment and now I am wrecked emotionally and physically.

I love him so much and feel huge amounts of guilt for not enjoying every second with him as I know there are parents on the oncology ward who would love to be at home cleaning up dinner thrown on the floor because the bowl was the wrong colour, but the pressure to appreciate every moment makes it so much worse.

Thankfully he loves nursery and we do have lovely times together, but I do not deal with the tantrums well nor the constant, endless whining that has recently developed. The day he learnt to say "I don't like it" was a dark day in this household.

Somebody mentioned about their pregnant friend. I have to admit that when I hear somebody is pregnant with their second or third child, I honestly don't know whether to congratulate or commiserate with them.

Simplynigella 🍫🍷 Hope your little boy is okay.

When I see a pregnant person I think 'you poor sod'. I am being very negative (because this is a safe place to let it out) but I don't actually regret DS. DH said he misses having a small baby over dinner, I quickly put him right on that one

I'm child free. Had the 'right' man been around in my mid 30s I would certainly be in the same boat.

It's struck me how very many women on this thread are introverts. I wonder if this is a lot to do with it.

Like many previous posters, I find other people (even loved ones) draining and alone time essential. I hate noise and crave silence. Also very selfish and a huge introvert. I enjoy doing cultural things. Can't bear parties. And I really don't like children or find them remotely cute. They are loud, boring, demanding and messy. I do a lot of lying when presented with baby pictures etc at work.

I'm sure Facebook and commercials have a lot to do with it as well.

My heart goes out to all those struggling. I salute your bravery and honesty in jointly pointing out the emperor has no clothes. Glad that she much comfort is being derived from this thread. Well done OP.

I feel moved to say that I am really glad that nobody who is without children NOT by choice has taken this thread other than how it clearly was intended.

I love my DCs with all my heart, I was very lucky to have the size of family i wanted and rather late in life too, but that does not make it easier necessarily.

Words, you are being very gracious too

At 31 weeks pregnant with my first baby, this probably wasn't the best thread to open. However, it makes a refreshing change from all the "you're going to love being a mummy" stuff other people say.

Even though I'm more scared than excited, I'm still far too blinded by optimism and naivety to believe this will be me in a year or so, but it is truly reassuring to know this thread will be here to look at when I (inevitably!) feel shitty, so thanks for sharing and being so honest.

Thanks ms he's all clear and doing really well, thank goodness.

I think the introvert point is an interesting one. I do need alone time and silence and I think that is one of the things I struggle with.

Honeymoon I'm glad this isn't putting you off. I would still have my DS again and many people sail through motherhood enjoying every second of it and go on to have a huge brood because they love it so much. That might well be you in a few years.

I've wondered about the introvert thing too words. I'm definitely one, and a perfectionist too. It's a bad combination for motherhood!

Thanks pacific and slippery. Can't do flowers on this but would if I could.

Hormones are so hugely powerful- I learned, not from choice, but utterly for the best in the long run, given hindsight and self knowledge - that the urge to reproduce melts away if only you let it.

It's a sort of madness, like being in love. Which of course one often is also at the pertinent time. Double hormonal whammy.

I wish someone had warned me beforehand.