Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

Classics all of them!!!
I've dumped a long term boyfriend because I couldn't bear the stickiness of his skin sometimes.

Dumped someone else for their shit taste in mugs.

TwentyCups....that is fucking FOUL!!!!!

Buddahbelly....

Very nice man, fine in bed but would yell "HERE I COME, HERE I COME!" At orgasm. It would startle me so much and throw me off my game. I never could get my O on as I was always tensing up for his battle cry.

I had a holiday fling with a bloke who had a really strong Scottish accent, by the third "date" I was just nodding and smiling cos I did'nt have a fucking clue what he was saying.

One night on the beach he kept repeating one thing over and over, it sounded like he was saying something about next year, I just kept saying yes and smiling.

The penny finally dropped and what he was actually saying was he wanted to take me up the rear, he could'nt believe I said yes so quickly so kept asking, and I kept saying yes, did'nt have a clue!

He did'nt get any bumsex, I did tell him to fuck off the next day when at breakfast I discovered the "mates" he said was on holiday with were actually his fucking wife and teenage son.

I am literally sobbing with laughter at the magic briefcase of sex. My DH is in bed next to me like this

1. Teeny penis. I actually asked was it in yet
2. Wore red shoes. I dumped him and went out with his mate who wore much nicer shoes.
3. Mega hairy back. Said he liked it stroked during sex.
4. Kissed like he had liver for lips.
5. Applauded himself after sex.

Straight pubic hair.

As in straight straight.

It was like coming face to face with a hybrid of cousin it and gonzo.

When I was 18 I had a bf who used to whisper "thank-you, thank-you" after he'd come. Exactly twice, every time.
He also ate Bran Flakes and had to have raisins sprinkled on with exact spacings. He wouldn't eat them on their own and wouldn't eat Sultana Bran in the absence of raisins.

Very annoying, he didn't last.

It got worse when I went to uni. One guy said "mummy make me come" in a babyish voice then did and fell straight asleep. Exit.

Pencil willy guy. He was 19 and gorgeous. Took pictures of his dick with a polaroid camera. Offered me one as a souvenir. Er, no thanks.

Very fun fling guy (also Uni lecturer). Could only have sex if he was dressed in women's underwear. Actually I didn't mind that particularly. He used to run a big bubble bath, then serve up pizza and oven chips and rum and coke (to eat/drink in the bath). Never hungry and definitely hygienic.

Unlike bad hygiene guy.......he was terrible at wiping his arse and once left a skid on the bedsheet (his house, thank god)

I have slept with some normal people too. I think :)

I once went on a date with a guy who was so fascinated with my (not at all strong) Scottish accent that he kept trying to get me to say "there's been a murder" repeatedly in the style of Jim Taggart. When I finally acquiesced after the fiftieth fucking time of asking he laughed so hard I thought he was going to wet himself.

The really lovely, totally gorgeous guy who only ever called his mother, 'Mum-Mum'. It made me cringe.
With Mr Twopants, it was only Mummy and Daddy. He also loved his older sister a bit too much. He'd often gaze deep into her eyes and tell her how much he loved her. All very odd.
The guy who told me he was really small before I slept with him. Thought he was joking and I'd get a pleasant surprise. I didn't. He also shaved off everything 'to make it look bigger' it didn't work
The other guy who shaved everything off 'because I have ginger pubes' and told me he used to keep a Union Jack flag under the bed as a wankrag ; apparently it was never washed and went rock hard

Im dying at light robe and the briefcase

I've tears rolling down my cheeks from this thread.

Mr Briefcase sex magican :) :) :)

Just . Epic. Thread.
I dumped a guy who spent the night explaining the flight paths out of Barton aero drome he wasn't a pilot
My mate dumped a guy because once back at his house she found he had posters of tigers all over his house. Posters. Of. Tigers. Not even framed .
I dumped a guy for saying "have you had your cookies?" After sex to check if I'd cum. No I've not because you're shit in bed and calling them my cookies makes me want to cut your throat. now I'll go and finish myself off in the bathroom there are more. Which is concerning.

Buddahbelly did Mr Briefcase Man ever, err, make attempts to please you in any way?

grumpysquash3
"mummy make me come" in a babyish voice then did and fell straight asleep
No. F*cking. Way?

A Turkish guy who used to yell 'oh ya, show me your power' mid sex - ended with me almost wetting myself laughing.
And then another guy who kept asking if I wanted to taste his 'white chocolate'!! Oh Jesus, even writing that makes me cringe

Many years ago when I was young and rather impetuous, an older boyfriend took me away for the weekend to Blackpool. We hadn't been dating long. He paid for hotel etc and I drove us there in my car.
After an evening out we got back to the hotel room and I was all over him like a rash. I asked him to get a condom - he didn't have any as he didn't like using them and he was rather abrupt and said I should make life easier by being on the pill (I wasn't).
I made it perfectly clear we needed a condom - perhaps he could pop into men's toilets downstairs to check if there was a machine there etc (or maybe we could do other things). He said he really couldn't be bothered, rolled over and promptly went to sleep.
So rather than listen to him snoring I got up, dressed and drove home.

ha the robe man has reminded me of Mr Wanking Robe.
There was an acquaintance who I was hoping to visit when I was over in Australia. He had always fancied me. We had a few long distance phone calls and lots of steamy emails
One day he rang and wanted phone sex. It's not really my thing so I just mumbled a few things then let him get on with it. I actually remember putting the phone down next to me on the sofa while I watched tv. I could still hear him grunting, puffing and muttering that he had just come out of the bath and was wearing his robe (that tickled me anyway as where I come from it's called a dressing gown.. robe sounds super poooosh)
When I relayed the story to my best mate, she said of course, it must have been his Special Wanking Robe put on especially for the occasion of phone sex.
And it stuck (excuse pun ) ever since. He has since only ever been known (to friend and I anyway) as Mr WR. I never did get to stay with him as he got cold feet and had met someone

Cheap Lingerie Man. The lingerie wasn't for me.

A couple of hours later he rang me waking me up, he was in Maccys and did I want anything? It was 5am!!! He had snuck out to get macdonalds

Jesus. I'd have ridden him like Seabiscuit.

I dumped a guy who turned up for a date with his jumper tucked in his trousers.

Also about who was lovely and a great shag but when he got pissed stripped naked and ran around the pub/club:park:wedding ...

Also a thank you man. It irritated the life out of me. Every time, every act, every date. He said it was because his mum brought him up with manners - but it was really creepy - 'thank you for letting me taste you' ugh

I'm absolutely howling at this thread, just waiting for DP to whisper 'penetration ' in my ear now.

Went out with a guy who was sales director of a local company, good looking, nice company car. Went back to his only to discover he still lived with his widowed mother - who wasn't in by the way - then when we went into his bedroom I discovered it was still decorated as a boy's bedroom and had air fix model planes hanging from the ceiling!
I also went out with a guy who seemed very exited when we had sex. It didn't last long. Then he just lay there saying 'oh my god, oh my god' - it hadn't been that good! I later realised it had been his first time.

Different guys here.. mostly

1 - couldn't pronounce genre correctly. When I said it the correct way in a completely no judgemental manner swore blind that I was wrong.
2- would pout whilst thrusting and more often than not the he was staring at his own cock going in and out not me. No eye contact at all.
3- couldn't cum unless he was looking at his own cock and wanking furiously
4- was scared of pubic hair and couldn't shag unless the light were off.
5- silent guy. Could never tell if he came or not.
6- 1 minute guy. No way I was going to orgasm after 3 thrusts and an 'ahhhh'
7- guy who liked to wear a cock cage. Actually he wasn't so bad. Very attentive and loved to give oral. Great with his hands. I just missed boring but good missionary and a good thrust.
8- The one who, after I fanny farted during sex and I laughed so hard I cried as you do , stormed off in a massive huff because I had killed his erection.
9- the one who was embarrassed and angry his house mate had heard my sex noises
10- dating a short while. He got a new tattoo, horrid generic tribal design so badly done on the back of his neck and thought it made him look 'hard'

Perfectly reasonable reasons for breaking up with a guy... hopefully.

Oh not sure this fits here but oh well.

I once dated a bloke who had some downsides (pjs neatly folded under his pillow and listened to chakka khan. Also took jazz lessons and sang in an acapella group.) anyway I guess he had reasons to be less than enamoured of me too and managed to break up with me when we returned to college after spring break before I could. Was working through his big speech -("okay then")-got up to leave my room and the door knob fell off in his hand before he could make his big exit. He became Doorknob Rob.

I've just remembered another one...lovely lovely guy, tall, handsome, polite, parents liked him. Asked me to go on a "big date" to a club in London. Turned up at my house wearing a salmon pink satin suit and silver shoes. I nearly DIED of embarrassment. Spent whole evening pretending he wasn't with me. Gosh I sound awful!!!!