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Original poster

Penetration man

1000 replies

Cameron2012 · 21/08/2016 20:44

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

OP posts:
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7
Bloopbleep · 21/08/2016 23:03

I met a guy in a club who meowed in my ear and purred like a cat. It was so fucking disturbing. A grown man. Who likes that from a virtual stranger? As the club was noisy he must've been doing it really loud for me to hear it. Still makes me shudder. Creep

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 21/08/2016 23:03

Another public knife licker

And while at a really nice restaurant

That was it out me off him shame as the sex was great

FastWindow · 21/08/2016 23:04

disgrace i know you are a regular but you are jolly brave to own up Grin

Trying to think what ive been chucked for. 17 and needy, the worst, can't fault me there...

Things You Should Have Been Chucked For And Weren't : there's a whole new thread.

Dizzybintess · 21/08/2016 23:05

I had one who declared to me after one kiss that he couldn't go any further as he Was "hung like a hamster" why would you describe it like that!!!!!!!

ShatnersBassoon · 21/08/2016 23:06

He asked if he could keep 'a light robe' at my place. Nope.

OrlandaFuriosa · 21/08/2016 23:06

It's the green pants, or blue for variation, that makes me wonder if it is the same person or, conversely, what the sales of such items are ( and where on earth you buy them).

glitterwhip · 21/08/2016 23:06

I dumped a guy once because he was too skinny and had awful teeth..lovely guy but I just couldn't..he sends me a Facebook message once a year to ask if I'm single and do i want to meet for coffee, it's been 5 years
Another one had really soft hands,like a little old lady ..couldn't get past that

maddiemookins16mum · 21/08/2016 23:08

Ok, well, I dumped someone because they never wore underwear. I just found it a bit, errr, rank (especially when they wore the same trousers three days in a row).

lovevintagecrap · 21/08/2016 23:08

Imagine how you would lick the remains of a yoghurt inside the pot....that's how he kissed
Same (divorced) bloke turned up for our afternoon date with his toddlers in the back of the car-neglecting to mention it to me beforehand Confused

alltoomuchrightnow · 21/08/2016 23:11

Maddie, I was with someone who was the opposite. He wore TWO PAIRS (and rarely bathed, to make it worse). He wore a tiny pair of too small bikini type briefs inside boxer style pants 'to hold it all in' he really didn't need to

One time we stayed at my parents and my mum found the offending article (well, articles) in the bed after we'd gone and asked me why he needed to wear one pair inside the other. I really didn't know how to answer her.. I didn't understand it myself.

Crunchymum · 21/08/2016 23:11

Many years ago I had a fling with a beautiful man. He was not very well endowed.... he asked me afterwards still naked in fact if I had enjoyed myself and not wanting to lie I said "it was good but next time we should do it x way and I'll enjoy it more" he sighed, said "God another girl with a baggy fanny" and turned his back on me. Ashamed to say I was too shocked to reply. I did leave immediately after though.

And I had a crier. Quite rampant sex, very impromptu but wonderful. Then as we lay together he started to sob like a fucking baby. His ex was getting married and he wasn't dealing with it too well Confused

Bloopbleep · 21/08/2016 23:13

There was also a guy with a micropenis - smaller than my pinky finger (and I wear size 6gloves for comparison - ie tiny). I was led to believe it was what you did with it that mattered rather than size. Well he used his thumbs to thicken it up and to... Well... Splint his limp button mushroom. I literally got up and left mid "shag" without speaking. I felt cruel at the time.

maddiemookins16mum · 21/08/2016 23:13

Oh and Cheese Man. His teeth were so rank with plaque it looked as if he had just bitten into a block of cheese (cheap cheddar) and it was around every tooth. Just thinking about it makes me shudder. I haven't been able to eat a toasted cheese panini since.

BertieBotts · 21/08/2016 23:13

Cone shaped penis ... signing in! I didn't actually sleep with him because I was too scared. I didn't dump him though he just didn't ever call me again. That bloke also tried to woo me by showing me videos on his phone (which was startlingly new technology at the time) of a man shoving the wires from one of those fibre optic lights up his urethra and finally a whole dildo.

Weird. (I did snog him though Blush)

I've only ever dumped two guys and neither were for spurious reasons. Sigh. But one of them used to text me saying "Are we having fun tonight?" "Will you dress up?" "Can we play?" The romance was already dead but that really wasn't helping.

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/08/2016 23:15

Crunchymum Baggy fanny Shock. How he liked to comfort himself obviously....!! Grin

TwentyCups · 21/08/2016 23:15

I'm dying even remembering this...

I slept with a guy at my house. On my bed was my soft fleecy bright pink blanket,which we snuggled under after DTD.

Three days later I was invited for s repeat performance round his.

As I went down on him I got what I thought was a pube in my mouth. No biggie - went to remove it. Realised the hair between my lips was a familiar shade of bright pink. The entire head of his penis, under the foreskin, had tons of tiny bright pink fibres stuck to it with dried cum. From my blanket.

THREE DAYS LATER.

I have never told a soul.

Dizzybintess · 21/08/2016 23:16

Bloody hell I just told my hubby about this and I thought he had gone to sleep next to me until he suddenly whispered penetration in my ear in a creepy as fuck way.... What have I done!!!

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 21/08/2016 23:16

He asked if he could keep 'a light robe' at my place. Nope.
Not sure why but PMSL at this.

I have nominated thread to be moved to Classics, absolutely made my evening.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 21/08/2016 23:16

He called his penis private Percy.

ShyCharles · 21/08/2016 23:18

I had a date with a man who showed me photos on his phone of his tropical fish tank. He had a whole album of them. 🐟

Buddahbelly · 21/08/2016 23:22

My absolute worst was Mr brief case man - When sex was on the cards he would produce a brief case from his wardrobe like some kind of sex magician. This was the clear signal that he wanted sex, yet I wasn't allowed to see the contents for myself. He would produce them 1 by 1 in a kind of ta da way, so first would be condoms, ta dah, then baby lotion ta dah...

It was very weird, He could only ever come by wanking himself, so we would literally have a kiss and cuddle then he would kneel on the bed, briefcase by his side, I would rub the lotion on for him but then he would immediately take over and start wanking furiously whilst grunting/humming and staring at me whilst he went redder. If I tried to help apparently I got in the way, so most of the time I lay on the bed watching tv waiting for him to finish to go get me a drink. Grin

Then he would produce a baby wipe from the magic brief case of sex and clean himself up, and often he would turn to me and say was that Ok and enquire if I enjoyed it? Hmm

I never understood the brief case thing though, he worked in asda as a shelf stacker.

slithytove · 21/08/2016 23:25

This thread is gold Grin I'm shaking the bed laughing

BertieBotts · 21/08/2016 23:25

Dizzy Grin

I used to work with a guy who was not very good at charming women. He was also a notoriously terrible driver, and as he lived in the middle of nowhere he seemed to hit record numbers of wildlife. He found this so interesting that he'd photograph them on his phone and then show them to women he fancied with the story of how he had to dig this one out of the exhaust mechanism etc.

Without fail they looked terrified but expressed polite interest and then left, extremely sharply.

AtSea1979 · 21/08/2016 23:26

Nothing to add but this is so funny

travellinglighter · 21/08/2016 23:27

Jesus Buddhabelly. You witnessed this more than once??? What were you thinking??

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