Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

He started licking me when we were about to dtd; not kissing, just slobbery licking all down my jawline and neck and across my chest. I absolutely can't stand sloppy wet kissing or licking and couldn't bear the thought of his saliva all over me so I cut proceedings short with a mumbled excuse and drove home as fast as I could to scrub myself in the shower. There was no repeat performance.

Dumped one after two dinner dates because he kept saying 'mmmm!' really loudly and in a really affected manner while eating. It was bizarre. Shame though as otherwise he seemed lovely. I went on the 2nd date in case it was a one-off but when it happened again I feared what noises he might make during sex if a plate of pasta got him that worked up

Mr brief case man is my favourite. This thread is brilliant! 😁

Doorknob Rob....ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Wtf is a cock cage? These are killing me!

grumpysquash3
"mummy make me come" in a babyish voice then did and fell straight asleep
No. F*cking. Way? shock

Vanellope Sadly, yes, he actually did.

I never slept with him again, but bizarrely I am kind of still in touch with him (as in see him about once a decade). He is semi-famous as a motivational speaker and makes a lot of money. I hope what he says is better than that!

Oh yeah, I also had a tapered willy experience in my misspent uni days; it started ok but went so skinny at the end and had a droopy foreskin which made it look and feel even worse. We'd been on quite a few dates but I couldn't face the baggy ice cream cone willy more than once!

The one who hadn't mentioned that he had just separated from his wife and turned up in his car with the children's car seats still strapped in the back.

Went out with a diver from the north sea rigs. He shared a flat with another diver on different shifts. One night at his his friend got back unexpectedly and proceeded to strip off and get into bed with us. With me trapped in the buff between two naked men, one of which I had never meet.

This thread is amazeballs!

Mummyme1987
Google is your friend.

It was like coming face to face with a hybrid of cousin it and gonzo

Was doing really well containing my laughter till I read that^^ I have snotted every where snorting with hysterics

There was one who slept all night with his eyes wide open and they rolled back so you could just see the whites.He was very pale too and thin. I couldn't cope. It was like he was dead and from a horror film. I like men with a bit of meat on them who close their eyes when they sleep.

I once told DH about him and he thought it was hilarious. Every so often he pretends he is asleep with his eyes open and rolls his eyes. It still makes me laugh. Or chases me like that, walking like a zombie. I run away squealng. I am easily amused.

ProseccoBitch - ooh I had one like that once! Wide at the base but tapering. Oddly enough it left me in excruciating pain even though I've had bigger, thicker, longer etc.... must be something about the shape!!

Another cone here. I never told him he was not like other men.

I used to wonder if he knew he was different from other men. I also used to wonder what it would have been like if I had not had previous experience and thought it was normal.

There was the guy who used Dove deodorant (ladies one) clear nail varnish and drank all drinks with a straw. I actually became quite attached to him because he genuinely didn't give a shit what anyone thought.

There was the guy who I fancied like mad and couldn't wait to ride. However he snuck me into the house and had boxers hanging from his lampshade. He was in his late 20's lived with his mum but was amazing in bed.

There was the guy who asked me to milk his prostate. I declined. I made the mistake of telling an (now) ex friend about it. The next time he saw him he shouted 'Prostate Milk'.

There was 'May I?' guy. I lay there. Legs akimbo. We'd had a good feel of each other and my god he was gorgeous. But he points to my fanny and asks 'May I?' No you fucking may not. Well. Not after that.

You know the 'to me, to you' thing from the chuckle brothers? Chanted that while dtd.

Fuck no with a side of nope.

Oh good lord don't google cock cage then click on the tumblr link.

As a woman even I winced!

Instantly goes off to Google cock cages.....

Oh god, the cages are one thing, but the penis plugs on the same page??!! (Lovehoney)

There was one guy who took so long over foreplay (that was doing very little for me) that I was struggling to stay awake. We were both young and inexperienced though and probably not very sexually compatible. He wrote me a lovely letter a few days afterwards and although it turned out to be a bit of an embarassing night he seemed a very nice person.

However he snuck me into the house and had boxers hanging from his lampshade.

As in pants, or as in Muhammed Ali and Nicola Adams?

This thread is fucking hilarious! Every single post.

Muddypuddled, was he Prince?

Humming putting away things man, adapting the pitch to suit whatever he was doing in the kitchen, then rollerblading to work.

Escaping over the wall from the man who cut a hole in his MOTHER'S tights...

I have a shag of shame of my own, he would brag about his 9 inches, (I'd estimate 5). And before using his fingers, would put one in his mouth, accompanied by finger-licking 'pop' noise, you know, like when you're eating greasy finger-food, (but very loud).

Then he made me a hideous mix tape, featuring "Nobody Does It Better". He was nearly 10 years younger than me, and I'm into current/Indie music.

This reminds me of a thread a while back, where at every opportunity, OP's H would say "hey, do you fancy some lovemaking", as foreplay (she could be doing the vacuuming, seeing to DCs, relaxing after being all touched out etc.)

The one where we went back to his house. We kissed a bit. He then opened a drawer and produced a book entitled 'Anal sex for women' and a Hitachi Magic Wand. "All women really like this," he vouchsafed, while I backed towards the doorway.

I made my excuses, in manner of a News Of The World reporter.

Dogs. Wasn't that clear? :o

No honestly boxer shorts. No idea why. At least they were clean. If a tad bobbly.

My friend raves about Her hitachi. I'm sorry but don't think I could have something near my special place that requires powering by being plugged into a plug socket. The kids would think the roof was coming in.

Googled cock cage. Why, I don't get it. Someone please explain

Sharon - I've met May I? Guy as well! Maybe it's the same one...

Also Mr 'do you want to see my penis piercing?' (I declined)

Mr 'I love you' on the first date

Mr 'Giant teddy bear on third date'

:(