Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

OK, these were all different people, and the actual reasons I ended it:

-He couldn't say the word 'then' and said 'ven' instead (so I was too embarrassed to introduce him to my friends).
-He did an impression of a chicken, jumping around like crazy, and it was unattractive.
-He had bread stuck in his teeth after eating a sandwich and it turned my stomach. I wouldn't be able to kiss him again.
-He wore a Harrods scarf and kept adjusting/turning it so that the Harrods label was in a particular, visible position.

I'm crying at this thread!

Teal that's what's worrying me about this thread - it seems there are loads of blokes out there with shite shoes, music and sweaters; no skill in the sack and often a negligible manhood. Is it any wonder I'm single ?!

Shodan at least, at 7 minutes, it sounds as though you got the deluxe version!

Also a pencil dick. He was quite sweet though so I persevered for a few dates until one day when I went round to his - he was living with his mum at the time - she informed me that during the previous evenings episode of pet rescue/animal hospital he had wept.... Because a hamster had died and it reminded him of his dear Hamish.

Another dumped for being as thick as a plank. Good looking, great dancer (met in a club) - having dinner one night and after clearing his plate he loudly exclaimed that he was "famished" whilst contentedly patting his belly.

Another dumped for turning up in a beige Austin allegro. It was 1991. I was 17. I swear he told me he had an XR3i.

oh and another one who called Valentine's Day "Valentimes day" - this was when I was a teenager though, I think I would cope with it better now probably not

There are a few expressions on here that men have said whilst coming. I went out with a guy who used to shout "I am rock boy!!"

He was extremely feminine.

I vote shoulder shimmy man as top post so far.
Haven't been this entertained by a thread in ages .

Witty I did actually lol at your post: "I am rock boy" I have had a few ejaculations (see what I did there, eh?) that have already been mentioned on this thread, but I think "rock boy" would have me laughing right in his face, just from the shock!

'mad about fig rolls'. Surely that's not a terrible thing?

One got dumped because he got so drunk in a nightclub and ended up stripping naked in a club and getting on stage.

Oh im sure i will horribly remember lots but-

Lovely, lovely guy. Really fat lips. Sorry. No.

International golf promoter. Arsehole friends. Oops, should have accepted that Ascot invite... But i judged him by his choice of company that day...

Acorn dick. Was ok in bed actually . Didnt wash nearly enough though... copious deodorant every day is not a good excuse for only 12 baths a year. Yes really.

Totally empathise with the pp who tried to excite her bf enough for him not to fold clothes before dtd. There must be some heat of the moment at the start!

Machikoro, only if he yells ' mad about fig rolls ' during sex

I dumped a bloke because he liked ballet. He didn't like classical music at all but he liked to watch ballet. My mum said "it's the legs" when I mentioned it to her, so I dumped him. I was very young.

Late 80s I dumped another because he kept a video library of every news item re the Falklands war and would watch time after time, cheering and shouting about how great Thatcher was. I left very quickly and stopped taking his calls.

He wore shoes a size smaller than me and I'm only a size 4. He was short too.

Bloke I met in a club, looked like a rockstar, long hair, leather jacket (not fake!), keen as all get out, talked about future, meeting parents, very into me. One inch penis. Am I shallow? (He certainly was!)

They made his feet look dead.
I'm crying now.

How do we nominate this thread to Classics?

Oh, I remembered a few more:
The cuddly, very sober French man who looked truly shocked when I suggested a condom for our one-night-stand and said:
"But ... you are so beautiful, I really wouldn't mind to have a little child with you!"

And the absolutely gorgeous colleague that I finally hooked up with after a xmas party, who mumbled during the blow job:
"Wow, you're so good its like you're a professional."

Haven't spotted myself yet...

However, I have been chucked for post-coital farting, drunkenness, and once ran away when she said "I'm going to mark you as mine". Having been bitten once before, I wasn't hanging around to find out where.

one got conjunctivitis and an allergic reaction that made his face swell at the same time, he was good looking until that happened, then I realised that his personality was just shit.

one got his willy out just to show me it. I was a virgin and had never seen a willy in person. I freaked out and swiftly left. looking back I should have been quite happy with what he was offering.

one kissed for too long, it was impossible to pull away, it was too much tongue, it just wasn't nice.

Dumped someone because he played and sang along with Take these Broken Wings EVERY TIME we had sex. This was 22 years ago. Still hate the song and cringe

soap please you have me in wonderment. The back of his head? You'll have to say why or im thinking he made you walk behind him!!

This thread is bloody brilliant! I've been single (by choice) for 3 years now but in that time have had a few encounters that have made me realise how damned lucky I am! One guy was gorgeous, polite, funny, generous, well endowed but could only have sex from behind as it was how his "ex-wife liked to do it" . Taxi!!

Then there was the guy who asked me out to dinner, booked a gorgeous restaurant but ordered a steak that was nearly still alive leaving everything awash with blood (he was delighted!) and then announced he'd booked us a room at a hotel for afterwards!! WTAF??? Thank God I was driving for that one...! He still badgers me on occasion...

Then there's Mr Right Now. Never imagined that this person who is a decade younger and who I wouldn't have looked twice at in the street would turn out to have the biggest cock I've ever seen or indeed be so utterly shit hot in bed. I so nearly missed out there....appearances can be very deceptive

Have also had Mr Stony Silent and years ago, acorn willy. Poor acorn willy, he was such a lovely bloke but there was no way I could have lived with that forever.

On and then there was the bloke who sent me a picture of his cock prior to date...which frankly put me off straight away, but something about the whole scene didn't look right, so I did a reverse Google image thingy. Turns out it was a porn star cock and a still from a film. How did he think he was going to get away with it?? Cancelled that one....

He started discussing our future children's names after three days and declared he loved me after two. Plus, he used to go home every weekend and his mammy would send him back with a week's worth of frozen meals. Was also in the Green Party and wouldn't shut up about how all my opinions were wrong and that the Green Party was so much better in everything. I've nothing in particular against the GP but it was like listening to a living party political broadcast at times.

He sweated so much during sex, it used to drip on me, I couldn't bear it or hide that each drip made me jump any longer, so farewell it was.