Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

Best thread ever

One who had a pencil dick with a bend to the right half way along. Freaky
One who used to follow me to the loo and chat
One who looked too much like the Milky Bar Kid, and criticisded my singing (OK, I can't sing, but he didn't need to say so)
One who sang really badly in my ear while dancing to a slow dance
One who would just bang away for hours without coming (so boring, and I'd be just thinking 'I have to get up for work in 5 hours...')
Hmmm, met a few....

One who liked to pretend to be Fabienne from Pulp Fiction in bed. Yes, he was a man. Yes, it was creepy.
One who thought women could only get pregnant if they orgasmed so made sure I never did!
One who got all his sex education from porn and would do the porn talk/do it as if he was being filmed, leaving room for the camera etc. (only went there once because it was too bloody odd!)

Went out with a chap who was obsessed, obsessed, OBSESSED with my feet.

I have nice, feet, I suppose - but there are FAR nicer parts of me! I am 6 foot tall with long loooong legs, milky white skin and long tresses of lovely ginger hair, and my tits are small, yet pert.

And yet this weirdo was ONLY interested in my focken FEET!

He could only cum if I wanked him off between my soles. And would only cum over or between my toes. Anything from the ankle bone up, may as well NOT have been there.

On our last night together, after THREE MONTHS of this shit, I paraded naked in front of him, screaming, 'Look at me, LOOK at me, LOOK at me, you stupid sod! Look at my legs... my tits... my hair... my fanny... LOOK HOW GORGEOUS I AM!'

'Not interested,' he dribbled, staring intently at my feet.

So I then used said feet to kick him out of my life.

That's seriously weird @Doctroo

On a second date this man told me he had fucked a bag of clay.

His words. I sort of went into shock while he explained that it was artists modelling clay and afterwards he made art with it.

I was with a guy years ago, really handsome nice body but absolutely tiny! Everytime I met him I had to rob my mams kitten heels and literally had a hump on my back after the 3 months from hunching over the bar when we were on dates, what finished it though was we were parked up one day having a snog and I went to grab his crotch for an aul fondle and he pushed my hand away... mmmm Ok I said not being used to this, a week later we hadn't done anything and we went back to a party and went into bed, WELL oh my god he had the tiniest little willy I have ever seen, literally an acorn. I dumped him then. But it was more the kitten heels that did it for me. Shudder

Loving this thread

First boyfriend was a complete nutter.

Wanted me to piss on him during sex, hated leaving me in his room whilst to play football incase I played with myself (I had never done this so he had no reason to suspect!).
Dumped him soon after.

Another guy, I dated for 5 month kept going 'hmmmm' every time he went to kiss me. Made me cringe. Also he's conversation was shit. Couldnt stand it any longer so finished him. He wasn't too pleased

My ex (since last week) would always say "I want to put it in your shitter"... wtaf?!

Oh my god this is a brilliant thread!!

2nd date with someone and he did magic in my kitchen (literally shit, kids magic trick, no euphemism)

He did also take me to a "working mans club" (which I actually think was some nazi supremacists hideout looking back) on the first date, and to a pub in the literally arse end of nowhere and when I got out of his creepy and not at all intimidating rapey white transit he put a balaclava on and jumped out the darkness at me for a laugh. I don't know why I gave him a second chance.

After I said I didn't want to see him again he went quiet for a week, then he text me to ask if I was ok, and if I started seeing someone else and got pregnant and I didn't want it he could give me an abortion. Proceeded to block the fucker ASAP! No idea what happened to him, he's probably in prison for skinning someone alive and wearing the skin or something the absolute freakshow!

This is genuinely my favourite thread ever

I remember I was seeing this guy. Everything was going ok. He went to the loo upstairs at mine and he came down wearing my pants and bra. They were from the dirty washing basket. He rumaged about in my dirty washing to find my knickers and bra. I felt fucking sick seeing his bulge in my pants.
Never to be seen again.

I might have already posted this on here but my shallowest dump was someone I'd been really keen to date but then when it happened he got in my car and smelled of quiche. Couldn't countenance it after that.

Ok there are a few. Another one was because he wore stripper trousers to my uni ball (to give him his due he was a stripper).

Another one I really went off because he was mad keen on buying milk to make White Russians at a party (who the fuck drinks their vodka with milk?! He drank so many of said White Russians that he fell downstairs from top to bottom and I just couldn't look at him after that.

A uni friend with benefits was drunk and I woke up to find him pissing on my floor. The dye from the carpet ran all over my new bra. DUMPED.

I am so shallow

" Want to play hide the sausage ? " really does nothing for me...why would someone say that?

I have spend faaar too long reading this thread..... Thanks so much for keeping me entertained while feeling poorly.

Have one of my own. Couple of dates with a new man, things moving very very slowly. So we went to his house one evening I thought this is it, he had a lodger who had taken over the whole house and we sat in his room all night, apparently he wasn't allowed in the sitting room cos the lodger slept there with the TV on all night.
So we got busy.... We'll actually we didn't cos he had the most underdeveloped body I have ever seen in my life, like a five year old boy.... Not attractive on a 40year old man.... Made my excuses and left

For having a tiny penis, but it was mostly cause his mother was an absolute phsycho. On our first meeting she hugged me and said "Welcome my future daughter in law!" (we had been dating for 3 DAYS at this point)

She constantly asked me what I was using for contraception and kept offering me depo injections...in her home...(she was a sexual health nurse and offered to bring them with her....)

I ran fast and far after about 2 or 3 weeks...

First time seeing this thread, and it’s given me a great hour of entertainment!

I haven’t really had many interesting experiences myself (didn’t date loads before settling down) but there was one guy I met in a club at uni. He was way out of my league, and even if I hadn’t gone home with him would certainly have exchanged numbers...and then he kissed me and it was painful. I didn’t even know kissing could be that uncomfortable! He seemed to really tense his lips and put a lot of pressure on, and he sucked like a Dyson. Felt like he’d bruise my mouth! After a few snogs (it was hard to get away since we were there with a mutual friend who wanted to set us up) I left early. Changed the subject whenever mutual friend brought him up.

Man no1 said after we DTD, “Aaaah, that got rid of the dirty water!” - never saw him again.

Second man was on top of me when a massive bogey fell out of his nostril and into my mouth. It was such a big bogey that I tasted it, and he saw it fall and apologised. I’m actually retching now thinking about it, though it was years ago.

Dated a guy who brought his own sandwiches to a ‘naice’ pub where we were due to eat with some of my friends. Complained about the price of food there and proceeded to eat them in the beer garden! He also asked me for half of the cinema fare when we had a 2 for 1 orange Wednesday deal (when they used to run)... it was cringeworthy and a turn off so he had to go!

Another guy I dated for a few months, remember him ‘hanging’ off his mum like a toddler when we were out one evening and had met his family for the first time. He also couldn’t orgasm at all and said he never had with anyone. We were watching Beyoncé ‘All the single ladies’ on TV and he said all pompously ‘she should be singing put some clothes on it! Writhing about on the telly like that!’ Ffs! How did I let it go on for months?!

All different guys...I like to think I had a fair bit of fun bit of a slag before settling down, but looking back it was all quite tragic...

1. ONS - he invited me back to his place. It was a dirty mattress in the back of a transit van.

1. First date, he walked me to my car and then planted his open mouthed face on mine in what I can only assume he thought was a romantic kiss. Went along with it before making my excuses and leaving. For the whole journey home I could smell his honking breath on my face.

1. Good length, but literally felt like a cross between being jabbed in the cervix with a pencil, and being swabbed with a cotton bud at a gyne exam (minus legs in stirrups). Not a fan of the pencil dick.

1. While I was on top, told me "It's a good job I'm not a boob guy". Cue my horror and re-emergence of body image anxieties over my small tits.

1. Micro penis with a prince albert...strangest thing I have ever seen.

1. Jehovah's Witness with a coke and steroid addiction...that's a whole story for another day...

This thread has made me laugh so much, but then there's a few things on here that have rung true with my current DP who I love dearly - it's funny how the right person can just make weird shit hilariously lovable

After our second date he took a houseplant round to my parents' house, declared his intentions for our future, and asked for their blessing. I was 17, not interested in a "future" with anyone at that point, and hadn't even mentioned him to my parents. They were totally bewildered.

He cut a long scratch along my calf with his big, yellow toenails.

He told me, later, that the bed we had sex In was actually his mother's.

1. ONS: "Cum. For. ME!" (A thrust with each word)

1. Actual boyfriend: Never used the table when I went round for dinner - plates on laps in front of the tv. Fine for a Friday night takeaway but I've always really enjoyed dinner time conversations sitting round the table. But even worse - even with the TV on I could still hear him eat.

1. ONS: Simpsons bedding and a stinking drooling bulldog sleeping at the end of it.

1. I saw a guy a handful of times, before finally DTD. unfortunately the sex wasn't good enough to make up for the fact he was just a bit wet, I mean he was nice but just a bit dull and in hindsight self pitying. I told him I couldn't see it going anywhere. He cried and told me he loved me (4-5 times we'd met) and couldn't believe I'd sleep with him if I didn't at least think we were going to have a future together.