Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

I'm staying single.

Coming back to read this

'He wore beige socks . They made his feet look dead' - can't remember who said it but I am weak with mirth .
My exh's pencil dick had a strange bulbous head ; it looked like a malignant circumcised lollipop .
And he was a drunk . And he stank .

No hair anywhere on his body from the neck down because he shaved it all off!! That’s was it!

Great old thread!
My contributions...

Man 1. You know that scene in American Werewolf in London where the main character changes into a werewolf, making those prolonged, pained, loud growling noises? Well, I fucked a man who sounded just like that when he came. It was alarming! I was half expecting him to metamorphose into something unearthly

Man 2. 2nd date, back at his for some how's your father, and as he was banging me over the arm of his sofa said "All for you, babe, all for you". Just as well I had my face planted in a cushion as I had to stifle a snigger as it just sounded so pornolised and ridiculous. I'd already thought we weren't a match made in heaven as he was a bit full on, and decided then I wasn't going to stay the night, but to make it easier for me to "escape" I waited until he was asleep and snuck out. Then avoided him like the plague.

Man 3. Told me all about his amazing hand technique that he said gets all the ladies off. Well, it didn't do much for me, so that coupled with his bragging about it was the end.

Man 4. Whenever I was on top he'd order me to "Ride it! Yes, ride that cock!" repeatedly. I just wanted him to STFU. Can't stand porno speak, it sounds so fake. Saying that me and one of my later partners used to do to each other for a laugh. It would have to be in doggy so I could turn around and do the whole "Oooh yes, baby" (whilst sucking air between my teeth) while he would say "Ave it" in a fake cockney accent

There are so many more (I have rather high mileage!) so all different shapes and sizes. The most troublesome have been the above average sized where they just hurt unless there's been tons of foreplay and the owner is skilled. Unfortunately I've found that those who have big cocks seem to think that just the sight of their magnificent peens is foreplay enough Hate it when I can't even get them in my mouth too.
The cone-shaped ones are tricky too as condoms keep wanting to unroll. I pretty much don't care how big they are provided the lovers are eager to please and can follow instructions.

Just remember another [shudder]...

I was snogging a man who's technique was just to stick his fat slobbery tongue in my mouth and...that was it. I was so grossed out I pulled away from him and he was there, eyes tightly closed with his fat tongue sticking out, for several seconds before realising I'd disengaged. Euw!

I wonder if we're just recycling all these no hopers round MN?!

Racing greyhounds have a tattoo in their ear. Identifies them for life.

Maybe MN should make a little mark with an indelible pen, on a part of men's anatomy they can't see. Then we could keep a register.

Like racing greyhounds have a tattoo in their ear.

@QOD

Cos he was the same height as me

Not that shallow as I'm 5 foot tall lol

We looked like bloody children

That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

He once sent me a picture of a mushroom, and when I questioned why he had sent me a picture of a mushroom he told me that was actually his penis.

I didn't ask for the picture, and I don't know what he was particularly proud of, but it sort of looked like a chestnut mushroom that was a day late for picking.

We didn't have sex.

One guy, nice enough, but fact he kept a pet tarantula. Ended it 😬😬😬

@Couchbettato

He once sent me a picture of a mushroom, and when I questioned why he had sent me a picture of a mushroom he told me that was actually his penis.

I didn't ask for the picture, and I don't know what he was particularly proud of, but it sort of looked like a chestnut mushroom that was a day late for picking.

We didn't have sex.

Why not?!? He sounds like a fun guy (I'll get my coat).

Love this thread.

The very shallow younger me dumped more than one young man for the sound he made when eating. However my favourite is my friend who dumped her handsome Dorset fisherman for yelling “‘Ere we are then”, as he reached the bedroom pinnacle 😂

@Lifeisbeautiful01 So, she didn't see him as a prize catch then? Never mind, plenty more fish in the sea...

Sent me a pic of his family eating Christmas lunch... under the table you could see they were all wearing slippers (his were espadrilles but the others wore fluffy numbers) I knew in a moment it was over...

Man 4. Whenever I was on top he'd order me to "Ride it! Yes, ride that cock!" repeatedly. I just wanted him to STFU. Can't stand porno speak, it sounds so fake. Saying that me and one of my later partners used to do to each other for a laugh. It would have to be in doggy so I could turn around and do the whole "Oooh yes, baby" (whilst sucking air between my teeth) while he would say "Ave it" in a fake cockney accent grin

I LOVE this story... @CandidaAlbicans2 you sound like great fun!

@sweetgingercat

Sent me a pic of his family eating Christmas lunch... under the table you could see they were all wearing slippers (his were espadrilles but the others wore fluffy numbers) I knew in a moment it was over...

What's wrong with wearing slippers...were they in a restaurant or something?

I have a couple .

1. I was seeing a lad in the army he was maybe 6 years younger than me , good looking , nice sized cock the only thing was everytime I gave him a blow job it was well ......hairy .I dropped subtle hints about maybe a bit of manscaping as flossing my teeth with his pubes wasnt doing it for me . One day he came to see me all excited 'army look what I've done for you' picture a drum roll to him dropping his pants to ....... a perfect 2 inch square of boldness around his cock then the forest continued , I laughed a lot but he had to go after that 🤣

The second one not me but a friend she had just that day bought a rampant rabbit deluxe and was quite looking forward to trying it out that night we went out and she ended up taking a fella back to hers. She came to mine the next day and she was fuming it turns out they were mid shag and he spots the rabbit and without warning gets of my mate , grabs the rabbit and starts giving it to himself with it 🤣🤣🤣I've heard of roger rabbit but that takes the mick so I said what did you do then , well I chucked him out and threw the rabbit after him which hit him on the head and said you might as well keep that and slammed the door 🤣🤣

He turned up on a red moped. Very proud of himself.

Pm for later

He had a micro penis. I've gone out with men of all shapes and sizes and it's never bothered me if a man a smaller one but this was so I couldn't feel a thing.

I dumped a guy who told me he ate grated carrots for breakfast. Another one was dumped because his kissing technique involved his teeth crashing against mine.

Another one was dumped because he closed his eyes during sex and totally ignored me.

He did a sort of sports commentary whilst we were having sex, as though it were a couples' sport.

Not in a jokey way. Like he meant it.

I dated someone a good few years older than me, was not sure if he was too old for me, then he said “I have tried to keep myself young, in fact I am going to a Rolling Stones concert this year”

I just laughed and that was it.

He was nicely dressed for our meal date. When we got back to my house afterwards, he said he was going to change into something more comfortable ; coming downstairs in a tatty pair of jogging bottoms.
Or the guy I met online who told me that he always got one of his fellow firefighters to ring him in the first 10 minutes of a first date saying they had a "shout". If he liked her, he'd be back within a couple of minutes saying it was a false alarm. He told me that he'd cancelled the call on this occasion and expected me to be flattered!