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Original poster

Penetration man

1000 replies

Cameron2012 · 21/08/2016 20:44

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

OP posts:
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7
ShowMePotatoSalad · 08/05/2017 20:12

I was his plus 1 to a wedding where he was best man. Made a speech and it was the most cringey, sycophantic, unfunny thing ever. No one even clapped at the end, he just sat down then the room refilled with chatter.

He also liked to wear his dressing down all the time, wouldn't wear normal clothes unless he was leaving the house. Odd chap.

Another one was obsessed with Kung fu films and thought I would be impressed by an impromptu performance of some of his favourite moves, on the decking of his parent's house.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 08/05/2017 20:13

Sorry that should say decking in his parents garden lol

RegTheMonkey1 · 12/05/2017 15:43

He used to say huskily 'So deep, so deep within you'. I don't like a lot of chat DTD and this put me off him. Another gabby one said 'I'm riding you like a little pony'. Both were dumped.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 12/05/2017 15:52

He used to say huskily 'So deep, so deep within you'. I don't like a lot of chat DTD and this put me off him. Another gabby one said 'I'm riding you like a little pony'. Both were dumped

I don't blame you! I felt nauseous just reading that Grin

AdoraBell · 12/05/2017 15:57

Ugh. What did he read/watch that gave him the notion to say that Reg?

Falconhoof1 · 12/05/2017 16:25

Guy I met snogged at a party at university. I went back to his flat where he started talking about another girl who had been at the party and called her "sloppy seconds". I had to stand up for the sisterhood and walked out.

RegTheMonkey1 · 12/05/2017 16:40

I have no idea AdoraBell. The 'so deep' man was 40 and lived with his mother. I was sneaked in under cover of darkness (I was 21 and naive for my age) as 'mother' didn't like him to go out with girls. I think he must have read it in a book or something. The 'little pony' guy was a big mistake. Looked like Kevin Rowland, what was I thinking? Mind you he didn't get another ride.

StillHungryy · 12/05/2017 16:59

I'm riding you like a little pony

HeheGrin

AdoraBell · 12/05/2017 17:07

Ah, the mother things explains so much

Well done Falcon

bumblingmum · 12/05/2017 17:30

These are great, so pleased this thread popped up again.
1 bloke tried to spit in my mouth when he kissed me. I was repulsed and said what the hell are you doing, he honestly thought it was sexy Confused
That should have been a warning, when we had sex, he lasted for 3 thrusts and was done. I had barely realised we started. It wasn't a one-off either - every time (although only tried a few times before i gave up on him)

Mcakes · 15/05/2017 15:20

Boyfriend at university who had lovely long silky hair and big doe eyes (I was shallowly into that sort of thing in the 90's) but it turned out that he was actually a massively boring drip. He had one of those wet mouths, a brummie accent AND a cone/carrot dick (nothing wrong with a Brummie accent by itself, but combined with the needy personality and general overall drippiness it was offputting).

The sex was ok at first but then got REALLY painful a few weeks in. I have always self-diagnosed this as vaginismus (vagina clamping up) because I no longer fancied him and I thought this was my body's way of saying "fuck off out of my vagina you weird stabby carrot man". Having read this thread I now realise it could have been the penis shape that is intrinsically painful. Have never clamped up with anyone else since.
Odd what we put up with when we're young isn't it?!

MrsExpo · 15/05/2017 15:24

Glad i'm not the only one who's encountered some weirdos over the years. I once cooked my (then) new man a lovely dinner/wine/candles - the whole thing and was completely put off when he insisted on sniffing every forkful before putting it in his mouth. That didn't last!!!

IVFNewbie · 15/05/2017 15:27

Tissue paper stuck in pubic hair.

styledilemma · 15/05/2017 15:30

These are great, so pleased this thread popped up again.

Yes. This thread is so funny. I could do with a laugh today

I'm sure a killjoy (or tw) will be along shortly to say how meeeny we're being to the poor menz. Grin

styledilemma · 15/05/2017 15:30

or two.

ExConstance · 15/05/2017 15:34

He looked and sounded like Frank Skinner. I can't stand Frank Skinner.

Notmyrealname85 · 15/05/2017 15:35

Eww!!!

Dated a shorter guy who was stocky (OK a bit chubby). Got on really well until he got more relaxed around me. The horror. He kept doing Pussycat Dolls style moves after sex. Yeah I don't know why. He didn't look like a Pussycat Doll, he looked like a cartoon baby. He actually did it singing "don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" and making stripper "ooh" faces and like kissing his finger and pointing it in the air, while grinding his round bottom into the air like a reprobate fat chimp. He went to an "urban hip hop dance class" and maybe thought these moves were for grown men? Just Confused

Notmyrealname85 · 15/05/2017 15:37

Oh and he once used the phrase "bitty". That was once too often

1AnnoyingOrange · 15/05/2017 15:42

Pony riding and cartoon baby Grin dancing after sex!
It's not me . . . it's you.

Notmyrealname85 · 15/05/2017 15:44

Yeah he used to do it with his arse facing me... Imagine my view! He'd also told me to lose weight (i was size 8) so having him grind his round bottom in my face was a low point!

styledilemma · 15/05/2017 16:33

He also would pick his nose proudly envy
& whip his Todger out and say "stick it in your mouth then"

Sounds like a Keeper.

Twinkie1 · 15/05/2017 17:37

Not sure if I've already posted in this thread yet but dated a professional Western Samoan rugby player who was v v fit indeed. Beautiful body, beautiful face, sexy voice and v impressive cock.

He did though full his mouth with water and spit it at me during sex 😬. I was 8 stone to his 16 so when he followed the spitting with slapping my bottom I flew all slippy slidey across the room.

Wasn't sure if it's normal everyday move to spit or slap during sex in Western Samoa but didn't hang around to find out as thought I'd end up all bruised and broken.

Also had a Mr Tiny Penis who thought he was God's gift and repeated do you love it, do you love it over and over again during sex. I didn't have the heart to tell him I couldn't feel It let alone love it.

ImDoingLaundry · 24/08/2017 14:24

A long-time friend, who I'd secretly fancied for ages confessed he secretly fancied me too.
Turned out he kissed like a hungry dog licking his bowl. I still cringe thinking of his wide open mouth, and his tongue licking my tonsils and teeth Confused
He said afterwards "I've been wanting to do that forever" and I had to hug him because there was no other way to hide my horrified expression. Waited a polite 30 minutes (thank god the tv was on for distraction) then went home.

liverbird10 · 24/08/2017 23:24

When I was much younger, I had a fella who believed that simply shouting "ORGASM!" in my ear during intimate moments would get me there. Confused

We weren't together long, oddly enough.

Polliver · 30/08/2017 19:43
  1. His name was Neil, but I didn't actually find that out for a month or two (long story). I just couldn't picture myself becoming aroused by a man named Neil
  1. I found out he had a Barry Manilow CD collection
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