Okay so NC for this one as it will really out me ;-)
Sorry this is a long story. Relationship only lasted about 5 months but has had a profoundly negative affect on me since. Awfully manipulative bastard.
He was a solicitor. Well off. Worked for family firm and father owned several luxury cars. Bloke had own house with reasonable mortgage. Spent most of his annual leave travelling the world. Two cars, one a convertible and one for every day. Pilot’s licence.
We met through a mutual friend at a time when I was incredibly busy with a project at work, involving me working at weekends, and he lived 200 miles away so we couldn't actually 'see' each other for about 2 months. We talked almost every night and it got quite deep quite quickly. The first warning I had was when he emailed me a sexual fantasy he had 'just written' about me, and I realised that due to one line of description which was completely wrong (wrong hair colour, build and height!) this had clearly been written about someone else (eg. a stock fantasy he had reused).
The second thing was that before we had actually DTD in person, he had bought me a remote controlled sex toy. This just seemed incredibly creepy.
When we did actual meet up to DTD he didn’t seem to be able to have an orgasm either from penetrative sex, oral or me wanking him. He could only come if he ‘finished himself off’. He blamed this on being circumcised=lack of sensitivity. (I had a LT Jewish partner before him and he never had any problem). He used being circumcised as an excuse for changing positions constantly, ‘banging’ me until I was always sore, trying to bend me in half (I kept having to remind him I didn’t do yoga and couldn’t put my legs behind my ears, etc, etc) He also tried to insist on anal (absolutely NO!) even though I’m pretty ‘tight’. His fetish was swimwear, I didn’t mind wearing it but I drew the line at him wearing women’s swimwear whilst ‘banging’ me.
He hated my sitting room carpet (not a euphemism!) and insisted I put a plain rug over it as the pattern made him ‘feel ill’.
He was manipulative with my time, constantly making me late for things that were important to me (a charity run, seeing a work client, meeting my friends, etc) by offering to drive me places and never leaving enough time. He was very into PDofA, which was highly embarrassing in front of my friends. Meanwhile he never introduced me to any of his friends (apart from the original mutual one).
When I went to stay at his place, even though he had said what we had was only a fairly casual thing (fine with me) he kept trying to take me round to introduce me to his parents! I said ‘NO, if I am your girlfriend, and it’s been at least a few months, I’ll meet the parents, but this is just a fling, so no way!’ He would drive me to their house and I would just refuse to get out of the car.
He was stalking an ex, though it took me a while to realise this.
He was obsessed with saving money and coupons/discounts for everything. To the extent of hanging round the supermarket at 9.58pm buying 7p broccoli (I don't like broccoli and neither did he). "But it's only 7p!" "Neither of us like broccoli" "But it's only 7p!" repeat ad nauseam. He also kept trying to persuade me to use my Tesco points (x4) on offers like Pizza Express (not a restaurant I care for) or theme parks (not my thing either) rather than (x2) on train journeys (which I used regularly). I always paid my own way as I was always brought up not to see men as meal tickets, but when there was a moderately cheap restaurant I wanted to go to which he didn’t have a coupon for, he made me pay for the whole thing.
The last straw was trying to force me to have sex with him when I was ill and had recently vomited. I had to keep saying no more and more forcefully, (I was still nauseous) and when he eventually got off me, he couldn’t understand why I was upset ‘but I got off you when you said no’. Err no, that’s not how consent works. I was completely shaken up by this.
Solicitor man then went abroad for a family wedding, followed by yet another exotic vacation, and I spent the next couple of weeks trying to work out how best to end it with him. When he rang me on his return, I was relieved to hear he had shagged someone else when he was away. He had only just met her at the reception of the hotel (they screwed in a hot tub, without a condom, despite his insisting on me being checked out at the STD clinic before we DTD). I was delighted to be able to use this as the reason for not seeing him any more, though I agreed we could ‘stay friends’.
It was my birthday the next month and he turned up at my DParents’ house (he hadn’t met them as we weren’t a couple!) and insisted on coming out with us for my birthday meal. He knew their address because he had done a very minor legal job for my DM (and over charged her). My DM, who had by now heard all the gruesome details, was very cold with him, as was my DSis but my DF was completely charmed by him, and still talks wistfully of him now as ‘the one who got away’. Errr NO! Solicitor man had obviously been let down by his foreign hot tub fuck buddy and was keen to get back with me. Yuck! No way.
He pursued me for another couple of months. The final straw was the night in the middle of winter when my DSis came off her bike on some black ice and had suspected concussion. He rang up and talked at me for about 10 minutes without pausing for breath. When he finally did pause, I said, “Were you planning to ask me how my day was?” He said, “Erm, yes”. I told him about my DSis and told him to fuck the fucking fuck off and get off the phone as I was waiting for news from the hospital. That was the end of that. I blocked him on FB, blocked his number on my phone, blocked his email, and hung up if he called my landline. He ended up writing to me a few times but after nearly 6 months (!) he finally got the message.
Even now, I sometimes have nightmares about him breaking into my house and I find it very hard to trust people. If I could have the night again when I met him, I would NOT meet up with my friend and his ‘university friend from out of town’.