Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

I met someone out one night. We got talking so met up the following weekend, wemt back to his to dtd but had no condoms, he then pulled out his ex gf's vibrator and said I could use that

1, He had one of those willies that disappears into their balls when not erect.
2, He asked me to change the batteries in his hearing aid.
3, He was a postman

Had a ONS with a guy from POF. He came 4 times. I came 0. One of the times was on my face without warning. Inbetween all the cumming he checked his POF account on his apple watch. It was hilariously awful and I remember him as SirCumAlot.

I have entered the world of dating again after 10 years and omg have I had my eyes opened. I have had more than one date where they lied about their height! Because no one would find that out lol!! A bloke that actually couldn't stop talking for the whole date but thought he was impressing me because I couldn't stop laughing out of shock!! I ditched another one because he had a wierd bobble thing on his shoulder. And another because although he was really fit, his head was smaller than his body. I'm not actually that shallow, but come on you expect these blokes to actually look like their profile pictures!

I've only got through 7 pages of these so far. As a serial monogomist and also single, I wonder what my particular crime was. I am not a pencil or a coner, though. 😊

Scared to death I'm going to fall of this thread...

Dumped one guy who shouted "shit the bed" when he came (luckily he hadn't)

Damn you Natty! I know what it is now. 5'3"

grumpySquash I have to commit the ultimate sin of not reading the full thread, to ask if 'mummy' man has a name beginning with J and a surname that is a well known flower...

Because if it as HIM omG that would make so VERY much sense indeed.

Guy with huge penis. By far the biggest I've ever seen in real life. It was too big and hurt. Plus, he was lazy in bed and seemed to think that being so well-endowed was enough.

I dated a bloke like that. Massive dick, wide as well as long ... and he too was lazy and shit in bed. I put up with it for a while but it was the snoring that got me. It was off the scale.

One night I just snuck out of his flat when he fell asleep post-coitally, laying there with his massive schlong, and snoring like a herd of wild warthogs .... never to return.

someone I used to know dumped a guy because she didn't like his wrists.
apparently they just looked wrong

Man 1: came to dinner wearing a Phanton of the Opera jumper

I need to know more about this. Did you ask about it? Did he talk about musicals and/or Andrew Lloyd Webber all night? Do you think he had a mask at home? Did you try to ignore it?

I might out myself but I've a few stories to add to the pot.

One guy stopped mid shag to tell me the bed we were in was two hundred years old.

Err, thanks for the update?

Another one was a right prat. Gave me the wrong name when we swapped numbers, then didn't admit his name was something else for a few weeks (!) Binned him after he turned up drunk one night, climbed into bed and wet it.

Another pulled out a squeaky toy mid shag from the pillow underneath me. WTF?

Another asked me if he could 'touch my boobies'. He also bought me a wooden tulip because it 'reminded him of me'. Apparently this was a good thing.

One guy told me [after 4 or 5 dates] that he'd had a word with his ex-father in law about pricing up an extension for me for when he moved into my house. YIKES- I ran for the hills....

Have to join in (and out myself)

Bought me a diary for christmas. Personalised it himself with stickers. Cat stickers. Like cutesy ones (including one in a love heart on the day of our anniversary). Along with cat calendar (not homemade) and homemade card with more cat stickers (plus a few dress/shoe stickers).

Been going out around 6 months by this point, i took it that my memorable features were i like cats and wore dresses

Not me, but my friend dumped a guy because he'd only have sex with her when she was wearing a crash helmet. He also had a prosthetic lower arm and he'd made a little hatch in it, in which he stored his cocaine. Whenever he wanted a line, he'd just wipe his nose on his arm.

He came in his pants, fully clothed upon the sight of my not so impressive breasts and when we did have sex some time later is lasted less than a minute - the second time (I gave him a fair chance you see) I counted and it was 13 seconds.

He also sweated so much at night and he would get up really early to do some weird Martial Art thing and smoke weed. I would wake to an empty wet patch whilst Karate Kid was lighting one up at 6am on a Saturday.

A guy used to say "there you go" as he came, like it was a present for me envy no thankyou

Ew, cringe!!!!

Oh yeah. The one who was obviously watching the footy whilst we were DTDScived and shouted goal when his team scored

I love this thread so much, but like others I fear I may be single forever as I'm now scared of attempting sex with a new man ever again!

I have a new found appreciation for DH. If he goes, that's it, I never ever want to meet (another) one of these men.

Me too, Arghhelpme. And her leg clamp thingies from Ann Summers (leg expanders ? to prise apart? something like that). That will be a NO.
He would also shout, 'Whoa! Here it comes!' Every time.

I had a friend whose man hollered something in his home language at the denouement which he sheepishly admitted meant "GIVE ME A SON! GIVE ME A STRONG SON!", which kind of put the mockers on the relationship.

Some of these stories I believe...others not so sure... I really want them all to be true tho