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Penetration man

1000 replies

Cameron2012 · 21/08/2016 20:44

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

OP posts:
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7
TWOBANANAS · 23/08/2016 18:37

The Christopher Biggins one had me howling with laughter.

Ravenesque · 23/08/2016 18:40

Curviest, I dated someone who had about a one to two inch penis. I was seventeen so stayed with him a bit longer than I would have now, because he was also handsome, blah, blah. I split up with him when he told me he liked going out with me because I wasn't beautiful.

I've also split up with a guy who told me he had an average size penis which was only about three inches, maybe four on the hard. I'm not an unkind size queen, but he was a dick in all manner of ways and I was having to put up with him for a while for reasons that are dull. So, the guy when I was seventeen, I never pointed out that he had a teeny weeny, because that would be cruel and I guessed he pretty much knew that anyway (he was 25 and not virginal) (Oh and I once watched TV while he was at it, because I was bored and a Midsummer's Night Tube was on the TV). But Mr "I have an average sized Penis" was a nightmare in so many ways. On the last day I Spent with him, he told me he would go down on me, which I hoped would be better than the rest of it had been, but first I had to go and wash my "flower" - he called it that. I'd had a shower already, I wasn't bloody dirty. At this point I was so enraged with every little thing about him that I told him he did not have an average size dick, that it was bloody tiny and he had no idea what to do with it anyway.

I dumped another chap - when I was 19 - because he told me he loved my big thighs. We were at a party, I walked away from him, went into another room and smoked dope for the first time with other people and never spoke to him again. He cried and people told me I was cruel, maybe I was, but seriously! I also weighed about seven and a half stone at the time (I'm 5'2) and I was tiny.

Dumped yet another boyfriend in my still a virgin days because he told me that the drop waist dress I was wearing would look better with a belt around the waist.

Reading back, I was really quite horrid in my teens! Mr Average Penis was in my 30s though, and if anyone ever deserved to be told, it was him.

PinkPlastic · 23/08/2016 18:43

I once dated a guy from Sheffield who looked a bit like Sean Bean. I thought he was heaven until i realised he said "magic" after every sex session. He wasn't a magician BTW. Anyway, the "magic"ing got a bit too much and i left him.

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 23/08/2016 18:44

He kept calling me 'babs' I hate being called babe, but he didn't say babe just a babs in a very strong accent!

Ravenesque · 23/08/2016 18:45

I once had sex with a man who stood in front of me (I was seated) and showed me his "tree dance" which was basically him standing still and swaying with his arms moving all over the place. The shame is that I didn't run screaming straight away. I had sex with him and it was rubbish. I blamed myself for not being warned by the tree dance. I only liked him because he looked like Kurt Cobain.

Oh god, I'm horrible and shallow.

Curviest · 23/08/2016 18:45

Lulu yes I have had a man ask me to pee on him...

Glittered · 23/08/2016 18:46

He bit his pint glass so that it broke everywhere in a bar when I was talking to a male friend. His lip was bleeding,I didn't know whether to be embarrassed,scared or both!

VioletsAreViolet · 23/08/2016 18:48

He cried because I didn't eat all the broccoli he'd cooked for me.

Ethelslittlewilly · 23/08/2016 18:51

One boyfriend a very long time ago kept saying "oh yeah, pussy" during sex - I spent the whole time trying not to laugh; he obviously thought it was a big turn on!

Another guy I went for a drink with "cupped" one of my bum cheeks while we were stood at a bar; I can only imagine he was doing this to show I was his woman... Ew! So embarrassing - dumped immediately!

NoCapes · 23/08/2016 18:53

riceuten
It was awful, I'd rather not share the details
We were stood up, there was wanking, it seeped between my toes
It wasn't my finest hour Blush

Roussette · 23/08/2016 18:54

One of my worst (and yes, there's been a few) was a guy I met through work. We went out on a date, he had on linen trousers (this matters) chaste kiss as we said hello, couple of drinks in the pub and he said he'd drop me off home.

We got to my flat and we had a snog in the front seat - nothing lengthy, all OK but after about 30 seconds, he suddenly stopped, made a funny face and yep... he'd orgasmed in his trousers, the wet patch spread. I stared, he stared, I said byeeee, climbed out the car and that was that!

If he couldn't control himself from a kiss, our sex life was going nowhere!

mrsfuzzy · 23/08/2016 18:58

good god ! am off to join a nunnery, thanks everyone for the laughs but also putting me off sex for the next six months Grin.

LindyHemming · 23/08/2016 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cubtrouble · 23/08/2016 19:04

Lol this thread is hilarious.

So mine, the first one had two broken legs, very going to work.

Second one wore shorts on a first date, got lost finding my house and was a useless kisser.

Amibambini · 23/08/2016 19:06

Ravenesque - no, no you are not shallow and awful! You reacted entirely appropriately to some entirety dickish behaviour.

oldjacksscrote · 23/08/2016 19:06

I once dumped a guy because on our date, he ate a pasty while I had a wee at the train station, then when we were having dinner, he ate 4 chips at a time, he's known by me and my friends as Billy four chipsGrin

cityrat79 · 23/08/2016 19:10

ArcheryAnnie I have no evidence he actually was a doctor. More likely he thought it was a great line. Which is possibly worse.

Amadeus1984 · 23/08/2016 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amadeus1984 · 23/08/2016 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alltoomuchrightnow · 23/08/2016 19:23

I went out with a man who took great delight in constantly calling me a 'Southern puff' and putting down Southerners. Apparently we are all weak , spoilt and spend too much. We are namby pamby and don't have a clue about life. Our beer costs too much etc(probably his biggest concern). Bear in mind at the time I was doing long hours in a minimum wage job and his best mate employed him to do only three days a week work, for at least six times my wage full time! He'd get the rage every time we'd go to a pub or for a meal because of the cost that southern puffs charge (even in Wetherspoons and similar..sigh). He never failed to bring up the north/south so called divide… except.. (although geographically he was north of my home) HE WAS FROM, AND LIVED IN, BIRMINGHAM.
The last time I had a weekend in Brum (hen night) I found the prices of drinks, meals etc to be exactly the same as in Hertfordshire (where I was living at the time) He said I was posh and entitled because I had a posh post code because I didn't live on a council estate.. never mind I lived in a filthy hovel houseshare (in a nice village) with rats & black mould, because I couldn't afford anything else . As he visited there and was horrified, I don't know how he could have called it posh just on the basis of the sodding post code . He also had a banana willy, though it was fine.. just looked a bit unusual! (this is the guy from earlier who had the union jack wankflag)

allyre · 23/08/2016 19:26

I once had a holiday romance with a guy who literally kissed without moving his lips whatsoever. He could spend 20 minutes kissing me with no movement whatsoever. Funnily enough I didn't keep in touch when I got back home.l

Fanjolena · 23/08/2016 19:32

Turned up to a date with bright white hi-techs and his jumper tucked in to his jeans, not even baggied over. I went to the toilet car and never saw him again.

Flozle · 23/08/2016 19:39

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery

So, how did he pronounce 'genre'?

And what's a cock cage?

Best MN name ever, btw...

LuluJakey1 · 23/08/2016 19:46

Curviest between this thread and the one about poo crumbs, I am horrified by how many men are interested in toilet activieites and sex combined. I have never met one - thank goodness- but they seem to be very common.

Ravenesque · 23/08/2016 19:47

I love all of this so much.

It's also making me feel better because I've realised recently that not only is my libido hibernating, I've become repulsed at the mere idea of having sex with anyone. Not really a good place to be, but reading about awful sex and awful men and remembering my awful sex and awful men, makes me feel that it's all okay. I'm sure my libido will wake up again at some point and I'll feel ready to have all of sex again.

It's a shame because I'm going to have to let down a really nice man who I've been on a couple of dates with because right now there is no way on god's green earth that I could get naked with him and partake in non-marital ghastliness.

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