Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

1. Slobbery kisser. As in spit running down my chin.
2. Slobbery kisser. Ditto.
3. Slobbery kisser. As above.
4. Pulled a very good looking chap at a friend's party, the sort of thing where 50 students end up sleeping on all the floors. Chap and I took over the dining room to "sleep". Mid-shag, I noticed the door was glass and host's dad was outside. Whispered to chap and we managed to remain silent while coming - and I then was in silent hysterical laughter for a good half hour.

He didn't find it funny, at all. So didn't see him again - I'd never get on with someone with zero sense of humour!

Man 1: came to dinner wearing a Phanton of the Opera jumper
Man 2: took me shopping in Brighton on a first date as he needed to buy a g-string as he didn't want a VPL... And later showed me his black lace body suit
Man 3: was disgusted because I ate a whole pizza at dinner when I clearly should have ordered a salad and eaten one bite like all his exes
Man 4: Best baby voice "Oh, look at my naughty naughty hand, it's touching your knee, uh oh, now it's touching your thigh..." (Just stick it in my knickers, fuckwit)
Man 4: asked if I wanted to try out his homemade hydraulic sex toys that he kept in his mum's garage... Errr, no thanks. Can you imagine my poor mother explaining to her friends that her beautiful daughter had been killed by some dodgy blokes homemade dildo on a jackhammer?!

No way. Homemade dildo on jackhammer 😱 Wonder if he ever had any takers?! And wonder if his mum knew what they were for, or thought it was generic non-pervy tinkering?

Speed dating.

Me: What do you do?

Him: I'm a gynaecologist. I love my job. sniffs fingers

Determined not to be an easy shag, I went on a second date round the bloke's house. Sober and realising he was as thick as two short planks, the date was going nowhere, so I made my excuses to leave. He then whined that he was expecting me to stay the night with him - "I've tidied my room especially".

Funny how he thought a tidy bedroom would somehow sweep me off my feet. My husband still howls at this one 😂

He shortened my name. Was about 18/19. Looking for any excuse really as even though I liked him i was still hung up on my ex.

My ex mate went on a date with a rugby league player, quite well known. When I asked how the date went she wasn't sure as she'd got totally shit faced. She couldnt think why.....
When her memory came back as the hangover went, he'd asked her to dress up as a man and wear a strap on to do him..... wanted to wear her clothes and make up too

I couldn't help but laugh at this post.... I have also been out with cone man cock... Penetration man..... Even a guy who likes to wear my dirty thong and stockings out in public under his clothes!!!! That one went quickly!
One guy I couldnt bear to kiss he was so dry and another who couldnt get hard, then another who was so hairy he was like a bear (the back the shoulders the works) he sweated and soaked my bed when I was at uni!!! And said it was me after our raunchy sesh...!!!! And if that wasnt enough he wouldnt go anywhere without a bloody baseball cap on his head (for his embarrassing bald spot on his head)

He advised me that his shoes were tailor made for him as he had very large feet......but that it was worth it as they would him last 20 years.

He also said that I was the one he wanted to lose his virginity to....the man was 26!. Nearly fell off the sofa.

Over and out.

I broke up with a guy because his knob was too big. I mean, Coke can thickness and a foot long kind of big...

I need to go make dinner!

Roaring during sex, and shouting 'what's my name,what's my name?' During the final moments 😣

I was staying with my boyfriend in his flat and because he was in the shower when his washing machine cycle ended, I helpfully hung up his laundry on an indoor airer, to save time as we were about to go out for the day.

When he saw what I had done, he had to take off all the socks and pin them back on, in serried ranks and all pointing the same way. He actually made us miss the train while he did it.

I knew then that I could never live with him, so there was no point in continuing. I dumped him that week.

Can't say I've had really any dodgy experiences...
The worst I've probably had was when I lost the "V plates" when I was 17... Dick was average sized but so, so thin... Was like a pencil.
Tried to make a quick getaway after and fell face down the entire staircase... Had to explain the carpet burns on my arms, legs and chin to my mum with some shite excuse.
6 years later and he STILL messages me on Facebook, even though I've avoided him like the plague...

However, current BF is fab in bed, except when he slaps my arse mid-encounter... Annoying and off-putting

Dumped one who thought it was fantastic to have sex for hours and fucking hours like he thought he was Sting or something. I was so bored and sore and he wouldn't leave the next day, even after I went to work. My flatmate finally got rid of him around midday!

Another one with a very small penis who only ever wanted to do it from behind and would shout FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! every time he came, really loudly right into my poor eardrums. He had to go.....

He wore a Comic Relief sweatshirt. In public. And he slobbered. Barf.

You are all magnificent.

Your exes, on the other hand...

And, oh god, cityrat, I would have reported him to the fucking medical council, or whatever it's called. That is so utterly vile!

He was quite a well know writer of travel books. But he had a habit of farting all over the place, even when we were with other people. When I finished with him (pretty quickly) he said it was very bad for digestive health to keep flatus IN and one should let it go wherever one was. Oh yes, and once we went for dinner with some friends of his,. During the meal, he got up and went into the downstairs loo, did a massive, noisy shit, walked out leaving the loo door wide open and stunk out the ground floor.

This can hardly be categorized as 'breaking up', but on our first date, he told me he liked bell-ringing. I love the sound of church bells, and said so. He firmly told me I'd missed the point - "change-ringing is maths, not music". I'd already decided that this relationship was not going anywhere, and indeed wasn't really a relationship at all, but it didn't need a last straw - the first was enough. Of course he was partly right - change-ringing has a mathematical beauty all its own, but also completely wrong, in my view.

Not sure if Mnetters will think this trivial (let me know) but I once dated a fabulously interesting, kind, lovely, handsome guy and thought we could go the distance.

During first sex he just laid on me and made all the right movements but I could not feel anything inside - only outside. After a minute it bugged me so much I made him stop. I honestly thought my insides had lost all feeling or something, and I was, obviously, very concerned.

When he stood up to give me some space to investigate I saw that he had literally a one inch penis, when fully hard. He'd just been jabbing it at my vulva.

I never wanted to see him again.

Is that wrong?

I once dumped someone because he jizzed on my favourite shoes and I just couldn't look at them in the same way again

I am intrigued as to the organisation and/or mechanics of this...

I got pissed and shagged my friend at uni. He was funny, intelligent, caring, it was proper soulmate stuff up to that point.

But I realised the next morning that he had pendulous balls, and they turned my stomach. Poor guy told me it was the best sex he'd ever had and I legged it.

I briefly dated a man who shouted, and I mean shouted "take the cream" at the crucial moment. This was made worse by the fact he had the thickest Scottish accent I have ever heard so it took me a good 3 times to work out what he was saying!

I am amazed at how many men seem to want to involve weeing or pooing in sex. I have just asked DH if he would like me to wee on him during sex or give him a blow job while I am having a poo. He raised an eyebrow, muttered 'Er.. no' and has gone to mow the lawn and then change a tap washer. He said he will probably go to the pub with BIL later and not to wait up. I think he is scared of what I might be planning (I am not)

I ended it with a rather nice fella after discovering he had a 3rd (and 4th) nipple. I felt rather shallow at the time...