Penetration man

[Cameron2012]

So I went out with a man many years ago who was very kind, interesting handsome, drove a lovely car and was very popular. But, I ended the relationship because he seemed to think whispering ' penetration' in my ear was sexy.
I also finished with a bloke because he had thick blond hair on his arms.
Now I know that means at the time I was very shallow, so ... What is the shallowest reason you have ever had to finish a relationship ?
😬

Riders possibly, talking about the dim showjumper Ivor?

I briefly dated a competitive bodybuilder. He was very good looking and had an amazing body. However he was on steroids (was very open about it) which played havoc with his blood pressure, and so would frequently get these gushing nosebleeds during sex! Nothing kills passion quite like getting a faceful of that

Calmitkermit
You are right, essential eighties reading

Went on date with a guy I'd seen a couple of times but not been to his house (he lived in shared house for 'young professionals').
We got the times for the film we were seeing wrong so he suggested going back to his to wait for next showing. I went up to his room while he made coffee. He had a massive fuck off poster of Maggie Thatcher in her blue on his wall. This was in about 1993, we were both early 20's. I spent the time he was making coffee to try and find an Ironic reason but failed, when I asked him about it he said ohh I LOVE HER! And showed me all his other Maggie memorabilia. He was driving and I still went to see the film and sat there in silence hoping he wouldn't touch me. He didn't but still went for a kiss when he dropped me off :s

Ooh another....

Gorgeous guy, great sex, I was very happy.

Until, after he had given me a mind blowing orgasm...I opened my eyes and he was standing by the bed naked apart from an imitation WWE championship belt, hands on hips, clearly very proud of himself!

It was funny but I decided he was just too young for me after all (10 year age gap)

I had a boyfriend once who made me watch while he went to the toilet and, no, it wasn't just for a wee. He said as I was his girlfriend I should want to... or something like that, I've blanked it out.

He was also paranoid about having a small penis - it was fine, average, normal really but the constant reassurance got too tedious in the end.

CwtchMeQuick I'm shaking with laughter trying not to alert the rest of the office.

I had sex with a pant folder too. Absolutely stunning man (nickname was Beefcake) but dear god, the tedium. He was duuulllll. so serious. Sex was perfunctory. Dear Lord, I'm ashamed to say I avoided his (boring) calls after that.

Give me a bloke with a bald spot, a bit of a belly and a twinkle in his eye any day of the week.

Ooh, and the lovely promising one who on the first night back at his had taken down his shower curtain as he wanted to spread it on the bed so I could wee on him.

I left!

Polka

Just WHAT is it with men wanting private toilet acts carried out on them?!?

I've another one
Getting down to it and he started pulling my hair but it wasn't sexy at all it bloody hurt as he was pulling it out so told him to stop twice till he did it the third time so I shouted no at him. his hand kept creeping back up there though so that was that for me, the best of it was he was a nice bloke too just this wrenching the hair out.

Seems the pissing on is a thing then eww

single was your pant folder a squaddie? Sometimes I'd unfold his socks after he'd fallen asleep as an act of rebellion.

Just remembered a line somebody whispered in my ear whilst DTD:

"You're not afraid of pain are you, Vanellope? Pain is just a higher form of pleasure."

(this was a decade before 50 Shades btw)

CwtchMeQuick No, he was an engineer.

A guy who was obsessed with the fact that the carpet matches the curtains - and told people about it whilst I was there - ER, next
The tiny penis. He told me he had a tiny penis but I was weirdly still surprised when I saw it. He more than made up for it in other ways but smelled musty when nekkid, like old fake tan and that was a deal breaker.

A man who whispered 'I wanna fuck your tits, I really wanna fuck your tits' to himself, almost like a mantra during our first ever date together...really

A biter - he chowed down on my shoulder when he came leaving a huge
painful hickey ..nope I was 36

One with a penis so large it took months to be able to use it in any positive fashion. I gave up on him in the end as I started to imagine other uses for it - fly swatter, indoor cricket, rolling pin

One who asked very politely if he might come in after walking me home. We'd been kissing and I found him madly exciting and I joked 'oh yes but only for a little while' he said 'that's fine my twins have only be born and I'll have to get back anyway' !!!! I slammed the door and cried

Very handsome, charming friend who was a rogue turned out to be amazing in bed. So I married him. He remained a rogue. Balls

I had a ONS with an odd man I met at a heavy metal club.

He took me home and started talking about his medieval reenactment hobby then got out his chain mail and dressed me up in it. It was very very heavy and he had to take it off me as I couldn't move.

We then had very disappointing sex where he couldn't stay hard. He then spent HOURS telling me about his divorce even though it was the wee hours and I was knackered. I kept giving him sympathetic mmmms and wishing I could go to sleep. He then decided I was the only woman who had ever understood him and asked me to marry him. I was non-commital as I didn't really know what to say. I was 19 and he was mid thirties.

His house was weird as well. No kitchen. No floor in the bathroom so I had to balance on a plank to get to the loo in the dark as there was no electric. His house was covered in piles of magazines and he had a motorbike in the sitting room. He made me breakfast on a camping stove.

I scrammed out of there in a taxi and spent the next year avoiding him every Saturday at the club.

The wet wipes guy. He had them in both his toilets and told me he used them every time he did a wee or poo. After sex he showered immediately. So off-putting. His house was like a showroom and I'd go around unstraightening his pictures to see what he did nearly had a heart attack This was the same guy who warned me he was small BTW and shaved it all off 'to make it bigger' and because pubic hair 'is disgusting and unclean'. I'll never forget what he said about his ex.. . she wasn't always neatly groomed down there (or rather, all shaved off, which was his only accepted way) and he said 'she had no respect for her pubic hair'

The restaurant owner in Spain who shagged me in the loos while on duty… quickly went off him (we'd been chatting all week; this was my last night and I was v drunk) 'now you have a leeeetle bit of me in you to take home' - ughh. Also swapped his wedding ring onto the other hand, I only noticed this when looking at photos later.
The guy who would only get turned on by woman peeing or the thought of it. Went to one of the sex museums in Amsterdam and he immediately got a massive hard on faced with the 'wee wee' section - I was cross because he still had it when we turned the corner to the gross bestiality section (which I quickly moved away from) but he still kept it observing a photo of a woman with a horse so I was pretty grossed out

The guy who went 'waahhhhhhh' every time I did something he liked (e.g., kiss, touch etc) It got very irritating. He also had what I can only describe as a serrated bell end. It had like bobbly bits all round the rim. It wasn't an infection or warts or anything. It was all very neat. In fact as he was my first I didn't know any different and was only later when I ahem became acquainted with more, that I realised his had been unusual. He used to call his fingers 'little guys' or 'bad boys' too before touching me and that was probably worse than the waaahs.

One boyfriend used to whisper huskily, "Pass me your pussy" when he was offering oral.

Vom.

Oh God I am crying at some of these! Why the hell do we do it!?!?

OMG I just remembered the worst. The Waaahhhh man with bobbly knob also referred to parts with twee names. eg… 'Mrs Honeypot'.

I'll leave that one there with you

What the hell is wrong with some of these men! They all come across as desperate, micro penised/or huge marrow wanged, unfaithful blithering idiots! Is there any normal ones out there??

I wonder if somewhere men have a forum like this about weird things women have done in bed/on dates

Potential relationship I thought till we had sex the first time he slapped my arse not once but 4 times saying each time you love a bit of this don't you. Err no

Ons I didn't stay to dtd as he opened a drawer with sex toys in saying I'll be using these later baby.in what he thought was a sexy voice I made an excuse and let sharply

Another potential relationship get down and dirty and his phoned rings Im ignoring whilst he keeps looking at it and it keeps on ringing till I lose it and tell him to answer it, turns out the fucker was married. Ended that but he kept phoning me saying the usual crap had to change my number in the end.

Ons got back to his and he wants me have a shower I'm bemused at this but he'd meant golden shower I was young and naive at the time so didn't have a clue till he said have you not watched porn.

marrow wanged

Not me but my family member, complained to her then bf that he was boring in bed, always falling asleep. So one day he came round with a carrier bag FULL of vibrators/dildos but not packaged i.e. Second hand! To this day we still don't know where he got them from, he was dumped shortly after but he did also leave poo skids on her sheets too