I know this is a really old thread, but I've just blubbed my way all the way through it. You lovely lovely people, I can't believe how awful people have been to you. I have a few bittersweet ones of my own to add - and a happy one at the end.
I will never forget talking to a therapist about my parents (who bought us loads of stuff, sent us to private school, took us on foreign holidays etc, but never had a moment for anything that was important to ME) and her asking if I could remember a time when they had ever said they were proud of me or said they loved me. And I said no, I couldn't even imagine their voices in my head saying it the way you can if someone you know says something a lot. I was 25 and couldn't even summon up a memory/imagination of my parents saying "I love you" or "I'm proud of you". But I can hear my mother's voice exactly saying "gross" "selfish" "ungrateful" "lazy" and "disgusting". I'm thirty now, and neither of them has said they love me or they're proud of me in the last five years. I've been specially listening out for it in case I was mistaken in my memories of before. I burst into tears and said to the therapist, "You see, I'm such a bad daughter even my own parents didn't love me." And she said, very gently, "I think you'll find that actually makes them bad parents." I'd never considered that would be possible - that they might have "given me everything" but still been bad parents. I always thought it was me. Now I have my own children I truly believe they were/are, and I am so grateful to that therapist for saying it.
I saw another therapist, a birth trauma specialists, after having an awful postnatal experience with my first born and being pregnant with my second and terrified of what I'd have to go through. I told her about many dreadful HCPs, but about one particularly who had told me I shouldn't be asleep all night while the nurses took care of my son, I was just being lazy and I'd have to do it a by myself when I got home so I'd better start now. (We were on the paediatric ward after readmittance and I was in a right state not having slept at home for days for worry.) The birth trauma therapist said, "What a terrible nurse! I hope you complained." I said, "But wasn't she right? I mean, if I were at home I would have to do everything myself. I mean, she is a nurse. Wouldn't she know?" And the therapist said, "I doubt they admitted you to the ward just for fun, you know. She was a terrible nurse. You can be a nurse and still be wrong." And just like that, clunk, my relationship with "professionals" changed forever as I learned that you can be employed as a professional X and still be wrong.
I will never forget that when I was pregnant with my first, my mother said that people who use formula or disposable nappies are just selfish and lazy, and people who have more than two children are selfish. Also that thank goodness we were going to give our son a "normal" middle name so at least he could choose to go by that when he's older (because he'll obviously hate his first name). We used some formula, we used disposable nappies, I'm now pregnant with #3. (Not a "congratulations" between them on that, btw. Just "Oh" and "How many are you going to have?") What a cow. Every time I see her with our son, I think about how lazy and selfish she must think I am, and what a judgemental bitch she is. I will never forget for the rest of my life, though no doubt she'd deny it if I confronted her.
A happy one to finish!
When my husband and I converted to Roman Catholicism, I wrote to tell my grandmother. I got such a lovely letter back. She said that while she didn't agree with Roman Catholicism herself, she knew that I would have given it long and careful consideration and would be making the right choice for me, and she wished me all the best in our new religion. I still have that letter. It just expressed such confidence in my ability to deliberate, and such trust that I don't rush into things on a whim - that even when she disagrees, she's happy for me and believes I know my own mind. It gave me such confidence in myself.