Things that stay with you.

[penfriends]

What random things have struck a chord with you?

Mine is a Postsecret card that said:

"Everyone who knew me before 9/11 think I'm dead"

I read it years ago but I think about that person. Family, parents, siblings.

Just one sentence but it's stayed with me fore years.

I have teared up reading so many of the posts here. Sorry that the comments/actions of thoughtless people, often those who should love us unconditionally- have caused so much long term pain

I have several anecdotes I could post but they're not happy ones so I've decided that I'm going to try to lessen their importance by coming back later with the positive ones that often get pushed aside.

I've also copied that incredible post Noodle, thank you

My baby daughter was stillborn a few years ago. As you can imagine life was tough for a while afterwards. I was suddenly thrust I to a different world. That of bereaved parent. I joined the bereavement board here at MN. Having told my story, I had so many lovely posters say the most heartwarming things, but the one thing that has stayed with me and I still use all the time was posted by Shabbs 'One foot in front of the other and don't forget to breathe'.
Thank you Shabbs it has very much become my mantra.

This has been such a sad, poignant touching thread.

It has actually made me stop and think.
For the last few days I am making more of an effort to be lovely to my dcs, be fun, tell them they are beautiful, that I love them etc.

Love me when I deserve it the least, that's when I need it the most!

Mine is "Darling, Mummy's baby died" - said by Mum of my stillborn brother. I was 4 and was taken by gran to visit in her private room in the hospital, she was in bed and my dad and other family were gathered around it. I went through the door and that's what she said, and everyone including me started crying.

I don't remember much after that but that scene is etched on my my memory forever. My poor mum what an awful thing to have to go through.

Aww sorry to hear that bumps. Xxx

Mine turns the thread happy again.

I few years ago, I went camping alone to get over a heartbreak. I went to a hippy place and there were a few old travelling crew there. I set up my tent, nice and hot, blanket out. Two boys playing football, I watched them. Slowly they made their way over to speak to me, one boy with mum and dad living on a boat, one from a car background with his dad and girlfriend on the other boat.

The kid with both mum and dad there went back to his boat for tea, and the other kid hung around. Over the few days I got to know him and he said his dad had been really violent to his mum, he'd seen it. His mum didn't ever leave the house so he had only ever had takeaway food. He had his dad's jeans on, mans jeans, far too long. No jumper. No dinner.

His dad and girlfriend tried to befriend me, but I wouldn't have it. The kid was my friend, they were not taking care of him.

One night he came and flumped down on my blanket, clearly upset. He'd been laughed at in his mates boat for eating all of the nuts they'd got out because he was hungry. He was gazing at my vegetable soup, vegetable soup, a twelve year old boy!!!! So obv I heated it up for him. I comforted him, o took him up to his boat where his dad had done potatoes and beans, and he came back later. The next day we were talking as I packed, I asked him can he go back into care, where is his school etc, but he will float around the system not doing well I should think. I gave him my wooden jumper and a pair of thick socks. He said 'who would want me?' When I asked about going back into care, and I said 'me'.

And I have remembered him ever since. I would have wanted him.

So I went back to that campsite this weekend, and who do I bump into but his dad and a different girlfriend. Not recognising them, I asked about this kid only to find out that he was around and about! I didn't leave my number but I did ask them to pass on the message from the lady years ago, that I've never forgotten him and how is he. I shall go back later this summer and if possible, try and take this kid under my wing a bit.

This is such an emotional thread. Mine is a happy one. I was 7 and my sister was 9 when my mum and step dad told us my mum was pregnant. We were all in the bathroom waiting for mine and dsis's bath to run and we just started smiling and jumping up and down. In the end we were all laughing and smiling and even the dog was jumping up and down. It was such a perfect happy family moment.

Somethingtosay. That makes me so sad. I want to hug this boy. I hope you see him again and can tell him you care. People do care for him.

A few years ago I had a particularly bad experience in hospital, which left me with a colostomy. It doesn't bother me, and I don't really care if anyone knows about it or not. But I did ask DP if he had told his family about it (Hospital was before I met him) and he said no because it was my business. I asked him again more recently, if he'd told them and he said he had, as his mum has issues which may mean that she'd need one, and that they asked him how I coped with it. He said, it doesn't affect her at all, she's really brave about the whole thing.

The other thing that has stuck with me was my dad calling me after ds was born 11 years ago to tell me he was proud of me.

Finally getting hold of the paperwork involving my parents death and my subsequent adoption aged 6.

Reading the police interview taken from me and their description of that day. The interview includes me talking about how good I am at reading, what books I love to read and that I definitely could read the suicide note my dad had left on the wall telling me to go to my aunts house and that he loved me.

I cried and cried for my 6 year old self.

Oh Mycats that is heart breaking.
for you and your 6 YO self!

Oh mycats. My heart breaks for you. I so hope you have found happiness in your life. I too lost a parent to suicide. It still hurts so much.

My story isn't so sad or tragic like some posters here but when I was born my parents were very young and clueless and my Mum was a student at a university so parents and family would help them out. My father's older sister, who has never had children but loved them kind of adopted me. That wouldn't be so bad if she knew where to stop. She didn't see herself as my Aunt but an adoptive mother, even though my Mum was perfectly capable of taking care of me. Two other children followed but I was still her "almost" daughter and because she didn't like my Mum, I was stuck between them.
My Mum would never praise me even though I craved her praise and attention. From all her comments on how I run to my Aunt every time there's a problem what stuck with me most was when I was about 20 and asked why she never praises me even though I managed to finish my secondary school with all As and started at a university. "You have your Aunt to praise you, I'm there to tell you what you are doing wrong." was her answer. I remember exploding in her face and telling her that she's my mother and not my Aunt and I shouldn't be blamed for her never been able to tell my father's family to go and fuck themselves when they tried to pretend that they only have one Grandchild and that's me.
Our relationship largely improved since then but I will always remember that comment. It symbolised everything I hated about my childhood, the feeling that I was a bait between two parties who intensely disliked each other and couldn't sort out their issues in an adult way.

A few years ago my PIL came to dinner, FIL told me about a horror film his friend at work had told him about that sounded really gory and scary. DH and I quite like a good scary film but I had never heard of it before. He told me the name so I could google it. Turns out the film is an actual snuff movie, and the website that I was taken too showed a picture of a man who had committed suicide with a shotgun to the head. I will never get that image out of my head. I didn't even know this man or his story but the idea that he is there for all to see online in the culmination of his pain makes me really sad.

Also at 24, I had never had a close death in the family until my DH's grandad died. We went to see him in the chapel of rest and I touched his forehead. I'd never seen a dead person before and couldn't believe how cold he was. The palm of my hand felt cold for days.

I've just remembered a happier one.

I am very close to my df, but he's rubbish at showing affection. If I tell him I love him he gets all gruff and changes the subject.

I had a long and difficult labour with dd, and when he walked in the room afterwards as I was holding her he burst into tears and enveloped us a massive hug. He wouldn't let bloody go either.

I think thats when I understood just how difficult the labour had been. (EMCS in the end)

The postsecret that says "I only love two of my children". I hadn't realised motherly love wasn't unconditional.

The thought of my sister being dropped by social services at my dad's house in her pyjamas having been locked in a cell overnight. Finding out my mum had chucked her out.

Numerous bullying things at school, too small on their own to recount but as a whole they chipped away at me until I had no shell of self-confidence left. Slowly getting there.

I was about 21 and sitting and having a chat with my dad.

He said 'You see, men want to feel needed, you don't need anyone'

He was (is) so right. I was shocked at how well he knew me. Twenty years later I have had LTRs but am so much happier single.

Being told by my cousin that my brother had committed suicide. Years later being told by an old friend that everyone who knew us both was surprised he'd done it because they thought it would've been me.

A positive one, my old art teacher, apropos of nothing, told me that my smile positively lit up the room.

Being a victim of attempted murder. I don't talk about that one much, similarly with some awful experiences I had in an (unrelated) abusive relationship.

Getting lost near an ex's house when he wasn't home and I went a wander because I was bored thinking I'd find my way back, and ending up having to knock on a stranger's door in the pissing rain to ask for help. The couple who took me in, gave me a coffee and drove me back to the ex's house (who was by this time thankfully home) were absolutely lovely and I still wish I'd made note of their address so I could've sent them a bunch of flowers or something.

Will probably return to this thread with more at some point.

I should add that they thought I'd commit suicide, not that I'd kill my brother! That read a little ambiguously haha

I don't really know what to say. Thank you for sharing all of you, you have really made me think hard. I hadn't really considered that throwaway comments like 'you're so annoying!' might be taken on board by the DC - the things I say from now on will be more carefully considered.

Also, I sometimes want to tell strangers I like their hair etc but daren't as I don't want them to think I'm a weirdo. So what? I think I will from now on.

I have also realised I am incredibly blessed and should be thankful every second of every day. Sending love to all of you, genuine thanks for sharing I realise some of it can't have been easy.

Being 8 and watching the man fit our double glazing. He let me follow him for hours, was patient and showed me what he was doing, seemed pleased I was interested.

He then turned to me and told me how fucking ugly I was, never told my Mum and I die a little inside each time I remember that. I tell my DS everyday how beautiful he is

I was told (at the age of 11) that I would never amount to anything and would live off my dads money for the rest of my life - I was being emotionally abused by my dad and was very violent.
I haven't seen my dad for years, have a fab life, great job and a loving family (excluding my dad). It always makes me sad that I was written off by a lot of teachers when all I needed was a safe place

This thread has been such a roller coaster. I've cried, I've smiled. My heart aches for some of you, and the people you've lost, and the cruelty you've endured.
Some of your stories will stay with me. Particularly this from expatinscotland: She looked at me with her big green eyes and smiled, and took my hand. "I love you, Mummy." She said. She died 8 months later.
I've thought about that almost non-stop since I read it last night. Sending you so much love expat.

Being told "this is the only time anyone will fuck u because your a fat ugly cunt" by the man who was raping me. At age 9 truely fucked up my view on men untill I met my DH 9 years later.

This happened back in the 60s. I was ten years old, and not very mature for my age. My older sister had married a man who had beat her up within a few months of the marriage. Remember, in those days, basically nobody would do anything about domestic violence-it was not considered a police matter.

She left him but he found out where she lived, and went there and stabbed her. She died a couple of days later. In the meantime, I was at home alone and did not know what was going on. (There was no such thing as after school care in those days, so I just was alone until my parents got home from work.) They called me to tell me to lock the doors and wait for the policeman to come get me. They did not know where my sister's husband was; it later turned out he had killed himself. I spent hours waiting for the police. I knew my sister had been beaten up and did not want that to happen to me.

When the policeman did knock, I wouldn't answer the door until my mother called and told me it was ok. I still remember how terrified I was, sitting there, waiting to be taken to safety. I sometimes feel like I have spent the last 50 years waiting for that knock on the door.