Mumsnet Top Trumps

[DeadAsADildo]

(Inspired by another thread-posts may be entirely fictional)

My 10y old has never had a fizzy drink in his entire life.

I hope all the vegans on this thread aren't eating soy don't you know the cost to the rainforest?

We choose to live a positive ecological balance lifestyle (DS is such a sensitive soul and I know his heart aches for the world) and counteract each negative action with a greater positive. We only eat the thing we grow ourselves, the children particularly enjoy tending their own vegetable patches, and we plant a tree a week for each cm of land we destroy by farming it.

We also home school to avoid negative influences and to minimise the use of destructive products like paper. Children learn best from experiences.

It's such a shame that more people don't give back especially given it's actually cheaper than buying tat like televisions and duvets.

I hope you didn't pay the plumber in cash Daisy or he'll be pocketing it - better ring HMRC and notify them they should be expecting a payment form him.

While I'm happy to debate broad social issues on my steam-powered wicker laptop, you would never catch me doing something as inane as discussing trivialities on a website such as, for example, Mumsnet.

The very name of the site makes me shudder. How sexist.

Apparently, there are threads about such inane things as clothes, makeup and something I've heard referred to as 'sleb twaddle'.

I've taken to spending at least three hours a day reading these so-called threads and posting on each and every one in order to point out what a complete waste of time reading and commenting on such pointless threads is.

I think that's a perfectly valid use of my time as a SAHM, now that my youngest has started a full-time job.

I dialed a wrong number once and apologised giving them my full entire medical history by means of apology! incase anyone has seen that bonkers thread

The person in front of me at the checkout in Waitrose bought a toilet brush.

Where the fuck am I going to shop now?

My Dd (3) is the CEO of an international company and has been since birth. She founded the company herself.

My DH was truly horrified to hear of the penis beaker story; here we have butlers for that sort of thing. Why one would want to wash their own junk is beyond me. The horror!

I'm a black belt, triple gold star awarded player of Mornington Crescent. You heard it here first.

I'm five foot eleven, eight and a half stone and a size 12, OP - are you sure you're a size eight?

Maybe you shop in chain stores that use vanity sizing?

head tilt

I think you mean obsequious tailor, not chainstore vanity sizing [sniff]

One didn't like to assume...

My 6 teenagers are perfectly behaved at all times.

There's no excuse for rudeness, untidiness, eye rolling, drinking, drugs just because you're a teen.They don't even get spots or need deodorant. DD won't wear makeup because she knows she is stunning already and doesn't need it.

We sent them to private school and they're so rounded that they actually roll downstairs rather than walk.

I do understand, however, that not everyone has the resources to parent effectively, particularly those who have to use comprehensives with no extracurricular activities.

My three year old has never had a tantrum. He has no need to, because we have always talked about feelings.

Oh, that's lovely Flossie. But how does she find the time with advanced mandarin, quantum physics for tots and Tuavan throat singing lessons? No? I know, it's not for everyone.
And I'm so pleased you take such pride in your "advanced" accomplishments, which round were you knocked out in the county championships?
Dead how sweet. But as we told Vogue, Dd will have to wait till after Cambridge or her 16th birthday (whichever is first) till she takes them up on the cover shoot. That year building sustainable housing in Chile comes first.

I'm over 30 and I still invite all of my primary school class to my birthday parties.

Only your school fruit? Clear case of bullying.

I just read a PP who is upset that the checkout assistant dodn't ask them for an extra bag. I think they need to sort their life out really - what about the environment! I literally shake with rage if anyone at a supermarket assumes we haven't brought our own bags. Well, I say bags, we fashion boxes out of upcycled objects we collect from skips. We mostly shop at farmers markets though and then we just drive the Prius straight up to the stalls and pop food right into the boot. People tut and someone actually threatened to call the police once but they were carrying three plastic bags! Don't they know anything about carbon footprints! We planted a tree!

I set fire to my carpets when my friend walked into my house without taking her shoes off.

I went to the park today and saw a dog being walked on a lead . Was unreasonable and thoughtless of the owner didn't even look a ' refugee' dog. Was a pure bred Labrador. What if my DS was beaten to death with its waggy tail !

Rang the council to complain but only an answering machine stating that the offices are closed on Sunday ! What is the world coming to.

You've never heard of my DD1's name before - and yet it is classic, stylish, correctly spelled and shortens to a perky nn.

I was violently assaulted whilst walking along the street minding my own business. But instead of judging the perpatrator to be a thug and calling the police to have her arrested, I took her name and address and sent her a voucher for a spa day and offered to babysit for her, because clearly she is struggling.

treaclesoda

Slinky my Dd achieved all of those minor accomplishments in utero, of course.

I didn't get knocked out, I won.

private school and they're so rounded that they actually roll downstairs rather than walk.

Best MN comment ever!

LaContessa

That's nothing. I have my own livestock and grow my own crops. In fact, we don't even step into a supermarket let alone a farmers mArket, we grow are own flour and grind it as well, gets the children's muscle working. We even picked out the seeds are self are soil has been tested its 100% organic no air fumes or car fumes have been near it, also did I mention the seeds were organic hand picked by an organic pigs nose. My children also take tapestry and weaving class, al the furniture in our house was handmade by one of us, we are so fortunate.

Also all our plants are wanted by organic mountain water, it's not good enough for us to drink.

I absolutely never mark my place on mn threads. I think place marking is worse even than using "hun" or text speak, and should be punishable by death.