Mumsnet Top Trumps

[DeadAsADildo]

(Inspired by another thread-posts may be entirely fictional)

My 10y old has never had a fizzy drink in his entire life.

Btw, I have been on Mumsnet since before it was invented, and have seen everything you could possibly have to say many times before.

If you so much mention goats or naice ham, I will tell you about the good old days before everyone jumped on the band wagon.

It used to be so much more fun in here, you know

I am 5' 11" and weight 8st 2lb.

Sorry I didn't mean to say that out loud.

I think it is really important not to be controlling in a marriage. My DH's best friend is a 25 year old supermodel. They share a hobby which takes up every weekend and also like to holiday together a few times a year. I'm cool with all of this.

Upsi well, now that you mention it, it was really just to let the triplets see what it's like when you have to rely on public transport. I think it's always good to remember how fortunate we are and keep them grounded.

I talked them through the whole experience although I must say that I did consider complaining to the bus company afterwards because the driver breathed in a way I didn't like, it was almost what you would call a sigh. I can't help thinking that he was hoping to take the chance to discriminate against me because he knew just by looking at me that I am a breastfeeder.

They share a hobby which takes up every weekend

You sound a little bit jealous Saffron. My DH lives with his best friend, who coincidentally is also a supermodel, because they share a hobby, sense of humour, political views and care for each other deeply. I am not jealous, after all it's me he's married to.

I can't decide whether high heels are empowering or rather a demeaning symbol of the patriarchy, so I have opted to wear one heeled and one flat shoe at the same time.

It's killing my back, but at least I'm a good example to my daughters.

I'm so wonderfully secure in myself that I have no need to read this thread as it's impossible that any of you could disagree with me.

Therefore I will sit here and nod wisely at all of the completely lovely things that I'm sure you've all said upthread.

My children are 100% truthful. I can trust them completely to give a fair and accurate account of exactly what they, the other children and all the school staff do and say at school. I know I'm really lucky that they're genetically pre-disposed to behave perfectly this but the mindfulness for babies classes definitely helped a lot too.

You send your children to school?

I home educate. I mean, I don't judge other parents for the choices they make, but I do think it is a shame that more people aren't willing to spend time with their children.

DS has a reading age of 15 in Swahili.

He's 3.

I'm utterly astounded at the number of posters on mumsnet these days that complain about having some or all of- a low income, a partner who does not do all of the housework as well as having a high flying career, a messy house, not enough space at home, teenagers who disagree with them/try to rebel and don't do their own laundry, problems getting childcare that is affordable so they can work whilst also having several pre-school aged children and/or concerns about behaviour and bullying at their child's school.

There are lots of previous posts on all of these things so why on earth are they asking for advice when they would have all the answers if they were only more diligent with their MN usage? Surely by now it's been established that:

• employing a nanny and a cleaner is the obvious solution to juggling childcare and housekeeping problems, especially for lone parents on low incomes. Anyone who disagrees is just plain lazy.
• for anyone who really doesn't have the space for a live in nanny, it's perfectly feasible for anyone to work from home whilst at the same time watching over toddlers and babies (and without resorting to screen usage clearly)
• it's entirely normal for every member of the family to do all their own laundry and even cotton shirts can look great without needing to be ironed if you are doing this correctly.
• whatever the work patterns of a couple, each should do an exactly equal share of the childcare and housework. If this is not the case in your relationship you need to LTB. Unless you are male and have a female partner in which case asking your wife to do any housework is out of order and she should leave you.
• children should also a share of the housework, unless you are a lone parent on a low income in which case social services should be called if you ask your teens to look after younger siblings or cook a meal occasionally.
• even if you work full time, have several children and live in a small flat it is perfectly possible to shop around for special offers/look for supermarket reductions late in the day and buy organic meat and vegetables for next to nothing. You will have the time to batch cook these and have the space for a freezer large enough to have a month's worth of meals ready.
• if you put all of the above in place, you will definitely be able to earn enough money to move to a nice house in a nice location so that your children can attend lovely schools (probably private schools if you have done this properly). If they do not get their own way all the time and are not invited to every party you can always home educate them.

I live in a Georgian pile which is beautiful but very difficult to heat - I don't really like visitors keeping their shoes on so we've made over the gun room into a little area full of slippers for them to just pop on, with some nice guest baskets full of little things they might appreciate while they're here - fresh towels, tampax, mooncups, a cafetiere and a tea pot, the Wifi password and passwords to all our online banking in case they run short of cash while they're over and some home made lemon drizzle cake. And some Elsa dresses for any little boys who are over, and some wellies and tutus for any highly original girls.

I don't mind said guests dropping in unannounced in the slightest - what a sad world if friends and family all felt they had to stand on ceremony! I have absolutely no problem calling down 'I'm having a shit right now, but pop the kettle on and I'll be there in a mo!'. It's especially nice if MIL comes round and throws all my things out and replaced them with cheap tat, or cooks me a meal she knows fine well I don't like, whilst I'm out. I sometimes wonder whether some MNers actually like their friends and MILs, if they have a problem with this!

If friends are still there on Christmas Eve, I will make them up a little hamper as I do for the children, as would hate anyone to feel left out. We don't go overboard on it, so just some nice bits they might appreciate like new pyjamas (White Company have some lovely ones!), a bottle of single malt, a nice new book and a DVD box set.

One thing I absolutely do insist on though is that when we go out my friendly massive dog is allowed off-leash - what a sad world if people aren't prepared to say hello to him while they're sharing their picnic with him!

My DH does exactly 50 percent of the housework and gave birth to 2 of our 4 dc.

Four children Zaza?

The best thing you can do for your carbon footprint is to limit your family size. In fact when my gifted and talented three year old perfects his time machine he says that he's going to time travel back ask his grandparents not to have children at all, thereby ensuring that none of us will ever exist. He said 'I love you mummy, but someone needs to think of the ecosystem'. We're so proud of him.

Don't worry treacle we took the decision to neutralise our carbon footprint by living in a cave and surviving on uncooked vegetation and carrion.

We don't call it housework as that has negative connotations. We prefer to call it house blessing. Of course we clean everything with recycled rags and rainwater.

(Excepting the time when DD had typhoid; we did add few drops of balsamic to the water).

My son is a 42 year old man but I still insist he sits in a rear facing car seat.

Oh when I say 'housework' I use the term loosely. It's treated as a fun activity in our cave.

Quite right too Jings you can't be too careful.

He sounds lovely Bathsheba , just enjoy him

Of course it was a little different for DD , she was heard asking for pen and paper in utero , and it's been terribly hard work for us as parents having such a gifted child - I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

I feel so sad for children when I see them walking along with their branded everything, all Peppa Pigged or Thomas Tanked from head to toe. If those parents had the least idea what this television watching was doing to developing minds, they'd throw the thing out that same day.

Their children stare glassy-eyed at screens as mum slings a ready meal in the poison-rays microwave and slugs down the Prosecco; mine've been busily helping me prepare nourishing meals (so educational, what with all that measuring and chemical reacting, especially when you've grown most of the ingredients in the organically-managed allotment too), geocaching, and reading Shakespeare in Latin and French translations. Precious, precious moments - they're tiny such a short time.

I hate to admit it, but I do realise just what an advantage mine will have in later life. After all, you don't make it to Oxbridge via a diet of Mr Tumble and Bing, now do you?

A cave Zaza?

Well, if you're ok with that, ethically, then that is your decision to make. But I can't help but wondering about the animals that you are displacing from their natural habitat. But I'm not one who likes to judge.

Of course it was a little different for DD , she was heard asking for pen and paper in utero , and it's been terribly hard work for us as parents having such a gifted child - I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

Aww, pen and paper? That's so sweet - my first did the same thing. Of course, my second didn't need any writing tools; he could calculate his logarithms and quadratic equations in his head without effort. Perfect recall - an eidetic memory is such a trial, you really do need to be so careful what you do and say! I thought we had it tough with his brother - we didn't know what gifted was until DC2 arrived!