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[DeadAsADildo]

(Inspired by another thread-posts may be entirely fictional)

My 10y old has never had a fizzy drink in his entire life.

GinBunny, you have gone too far!!!

I never RTFT. Since I have an innate sense of an OP's meaning I naturally jump to the end of a thread to dispense only wise and compassionate advice.

Totally outing myself here but I have 2 dc and live in the South East.
Off to change name again

I once met a celebrity but I can't tell you who it was.

A celebrity? How lovely for you. Of course, I wouldn't actually know a celebrity if I met one because I have no interest in such things.

A couple of burglars broke in last night, with masks, guns, knives the lot.

I gave them the deathstare and they soon saw the error of their ways. One went and gave himself up at the police station, while the other called 101, to "get it logged". Then they treated me to a spa weekend

Really?

My burglar lives with us. I found her in my kitchen, stuffing my purse down her jacket at 3am and decided not to get judgey.

After all, that was just a snapshot of her day.

So, I rolled up my sleeves and decided to rehabilitate her myself.

She's now doing a degree in Criminology at the local redbrick Russell Group Uni (paid for by us, of course) and working as our au pair in the hols.

After all, that was just a snapshot of her day.

You know I would like to give Octavius a sibling but we really can't afford it! I really think it's unfair to have children if you can't give them the basics e.g. their own bedroom, lavatory, greenhouse to practice horticulture, library with all the original , leatherbound classics, play room stuffed with Steiner -approved play things, craft room with working loom, kiln, modeling beeswax and deluxe set of oil paints, private education beginning with acrobatics and Latin at three months, amber teething necklace you made yourself from amber you harvested yourself while on holiday in the Balkans, a chef to prepare cruelty free organic meals grown by our personal gardener, handmade brown linen unisex garments, enough hand woven linen nappies to take the child through their seventh or eighth year (mustn't push the little darling after all), and at least five holidays abroad every year. Why even have a child if you're not going to expose him/her/xie to other cultures?

So yes I'm afraid we'll just make do with lots of playdates.

I park on other peoples drives, blocking them in for a week at a time

Does anyone really think that just RTFT is enough to have enough information to help the OP? Personally, i advance search all of the OPs posts, ever, and read them. That is, only if i dont have the time to read the entire mn chat history before responding.

I hope you mean advance read the OP's posts and crosscheck for accuracy, consistency, validity and integrity.

I decided not to have children as I'm hot housing my cats - they have been accepted into a RG university to do research on opposable thumbs

Really, op, I hope you have ltb by now (left the bitches....)

I say it's to do research but actually they are the world's leading authority on the subject - not bad at two weeks old. It's not terribly classy to boast though

Of course, saffron. I also reverse google image search any pictures they may have posted to try to find a facebook or twitter profile to check against too.

Really Livia, how old are your cats? My cat had completed her second degree by aged 4, and opposable thumbs had spontaneously grown onto her paws....

Mind you, I only have the one cat, so could give her evolution the time it needed.

It horrifies me to read posters advance search OPs posts, and then reply with their own opinions . Whatever happened to being responsible and consulting with professionals before replying? My team of consultants include a Michelin chef, editor of one of the top fashion magazines in France, psychologist, an astrologer for the baby name section and Santa. I love the Christmas section, you see.

X post with Livia!

Obviously I meant aged 4 days....

MLGs I always wonder whether it's fair to only have one though - I think it's so important that they are socialised too with others of their own intellectual level

I was on a bus the other day and even though it was almost empty I folded my buggy and made my six month old triplets all sit on my lap. I don't want to be one of those entitled parents and I like to set them a good example.

A bus?

How wonderfully inclusive of you

My cat had kittens last week. One of them looked a bit councily, so I drowned it.

My cat is so superior to other cats that no others would be on her intellectual level....

It can be a bit embarrassing on playdates

It was really the kind thing to do badlad

Yes Treacle, was there a reason you couldn't all simply walk? Or, are your triplets not quite at that stage?