Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Pleeeeeeease get in touch with Mr Retired Guest, I'm dying to know why he's avoiding the bride.

The whole thing sounds like a bad Agatha Christie, I'm totally expecting some wealthy retired guest to end up prostrate in the drawing room.

Just read the whole thread - my face us 😮 at the flippin' cheek of it!

Promise us you will come back and update in a few weeks when word has got fully around...

There are many, many flaws in my plan, paxillin

I shall have to do the postcode lottery.

Sounds like today went well, you're dealing with it so thoughtfully and sensibly :)

Don't know if anyone has suggested this, but you could cancel the cheque not place marking

Good plan, LittlePeas. I was thinking that.

Thank goodness for LittlePeas who appears to be the only one here with a brain, suggesting you cancel the cheque, OP. Why did no-one think of that before?

Great minds etc blatant placeparking

Actually, one of my favourite ideas here has been the cultural thing about throwing money at the bride; had I known that, I could have filled a big bag with coppers, thwacked her over the head with it and saved myself all this bother

PacificDogwood When my parents got married (1964) it was customary for the groom to throw small coins at the waiting children outside church - small village in Germany, the whole town would turn out to gawp give the new couple their best wishes. This used to happen where my dad grew up (small village in Scotland) & he recounts tales of the children finding coins for days afterwards in the long grass around churchyard walls. What a quaint tradition.

I would have asked them
To return the cheque so you could make an adjustment. Then nothing. Not even a pic of you using it to light a cigarette.

But have you cancelled the cheque yet?!

No no, I've got an idea, why don't you just

oh.

Oh a facebook photo of you lighting a fag with their cancelled cheque would have been funny except the scheming cow already cashed the fucker before she even asked for more money along with a print screen on her grabby email.

Oh, if only you could claim it back through the small claims court on the grounds that she no longer deserves your gift.

I agree with a pp that you should request the original money back, for 'internal accounting', with the promise of a more suitable cheque, then not send anything back. She could just BACs it back. Unfortunately, I think that ship has sailed now as you called her out.

Perhaps even ringing 111.

Thanks for the update OP. Seems reasonably likely that "missing guest" had a similar communication. I do hope everyone the bride has ever met gets to hear how rude she has been.

Cancel the first cheque!!

Shocking behaviour by the bride. Hopefully it will get round & she'll feel suitably ashamed!

Ok what scone thread please? Dont tell me im missing another mn wedding shocker!!!!!

The scone thread is still active. A MNer went to a wedding that started at noon and all that was provided as food was a scone until a burger van arrived at 9pm.

This one