Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Nicely played. I would be shocked if it wasn't for the same or similar reasons. Bride sounds like a grabby nightmare.

Blatant place mark

Definitely contact Mr Retired Guest. Or sit back and let Mrs Indiscreet spread the word...

And thank you Lweji for drawing my attention to the new Angry Bird emoticon. Seems apt for this thread.

The other people I gently questioned had either not heard from the bride since the wedding, or had seen her and made no particular comment - that's why I homed in on the person who knows today's "missing guest" who the bride may have also emailed

As I said, his apparently wishing to avoid her could be about something else completely - though frankly I doubt it. This way, though, I'm certain of the news getting round without having to buttonhole (and possibly offend) anyone who's not been approached

Puzzled I am pleased that it looks like you weren't the only one, because I know that was a worry of yours, as it would be of mine too. There possibly be another "victim" (and maybe far more than one!) shows her in her true colours and doesn't make it quite so personal for you.

Glad you have a gobby chatty friend who will spread the word!

No, really. You should just cancel that cheque. Like, now. Before they cash it. So you get your money back.

Duh.

And don't go to the wedding anyway. And don't be friends with her at the office - no good will come of it.

springydaffs wedding has been already (hence the title post -wedding-message) and the cheque has been cashed.

Keep up paxillin

Springy, you're being naughty too.

I imagine that sharing an office with the bride will be the worst part.

Springy how about reading the thread? Duh.

Oh sorry, guilty

You know what it's like, a million things to do, so must read mn instead.

Op is retired, Lweji. So sharing the office isn't on the horizon.

BUT when op first met the bride (the pre-bride) all them years ago she shouldn't make friends with her. Because the at-some-stage-in-the-future-bride will turn out to be a grabby cow.

Simples. Don't make friends with her, don't go to the wedding, cancel the cheque.

I really don't know why others can't see it.

No kidding, springy.

hoisted on my own pecan

Any chance this can be moved to Classics?

I haven't chuckled so much at posts for a looong time.

MN at its finest.

If you go far enough back, could you not dissuade the brides parents from ever procreating, hence avoiding this tricky situation many years later?

...and cancel the cheque.

Anyone would think the b&g have gone through a list of people they sort-of know (ex-colleagues) and invited the ones they know have a bit of 'spare' dosh. "Oh, yes, we'll invite him, he's just sold his business and got squillions ".

You owe her nothing. Not even your discretion about her dreadful manners.

Cancel the cheque

Oh no Hun, do you think you could cancel the cheque? & for you xx

You kindly gave an ex work colleague £100 and she's got the arse???!!!
How on earth have you restrained yourself OP?! I'd have launched a scathing attack for sure.
Can you possibly cancel the cheque?

This thread is just brilliant! Have to go out now so placemarking but can't wait to catch up with the saga.

(Ps OP, just a suggestion, why don't you cancel the cheque? )

I think it's very entrepreneurial, inviting wealthy people to one's wedding, regardless of whether they are friends, family or simply someone who used to work at the next desk along, with the idea being that they will all kindly donate squillions to the lovely bride and groom, simply as a way of saying thank you for allowing us to attend your delightful wedding.

It's a shame I'm already married because I could do with an exotic holiday and a new kitchen funded by other people. Perhaps a quickie divorce followed by a romantic remarriage?

Unfortunately though, I have no rich friends and family, and I'm not too sure of my various colleagues' financial situations. We don't tend to discuss how much money we individually have. It might be a monetary disaster all round and I'd have to send a group email to everyone berating them for their lack of generosity.

Absolutely brilliant email response OP. Simple and effective. Applauding from the sidelines over here!

There's a flaw in that plan, liberatedwine. In my experience, rich people are rich because they DON'T spend money.