Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

What you on about, Annie? The bloke who didn't show up today WAS at the wedding, he didn't want to come today in case the bride was also at today's function, suggesting he didn't want to see her, quite probably because he ALSO had a begging email telling him how ungenerous he was.

Bit late to the party, but shamelessly placemarking any way

Speechless at your update.

Betting you will hear more about this.

MrsN, I love it!

Maybe puzzled could be frolicking on a bed of cash, throwing it in the air?

Just when you think you've heard it all along comes anither MN post which makes your poor jaw fall wide open! OP your email reply was spot on anything more would have been a total waste of your time. How I wish she were a MN and could now feel real shame.

Can anyone get hold of one of those giant cheques....and get it sent to bridezillas house x

'The wishing well mentioned upthread absolutely deserves a hefty baggy of -coppers-- coins to be dropped off in it grin'

Or pebbles.

I've been to weddings where there was a wishing well AND there was a gift list, so you could give twice. How thoughtful of the B&G.

What I was on about Thumb - and I hope I asked politely - was for clarity of the OP's message about the non-guest. I assumed she was referring to his failed attendance at the wedding, not today's do. OP explained in her subsequent post which came up while I was typing my question.
If you are finding this whole thread confusing I suggest you concentrate on reading only the OP's posts, rather than the dozens telling her to stop the already cashed cheque

You know, I almost wish everyone would stop suggesting these evil absolutely fantastic ideas ... I've got more than enough faults as it is and I'm doing my best here not to make things any worse

Stop tempting me, for heaven's sake!!

FFT OP, if the Daily Mail won't shame her, why don't you send her a link to this thread and be done with it.

Now hurry up and cancel that cheque before she has time to cash it

FFS not FFT. .....

Pacific - excellent. Or, go to a ferrari garage, take a selfie next to the most expensive model and post it saying, "I don't really like this, but mine needed washing and this money isn't going to spend itself".

Puzzled I think you've handled this very well- classy yet effective

The other guest has almost certainly had the same email...

Cancelling the cheque IS a good idea.
You just need one of these:

OH I've read all the OP's posts thanks. And the others. In fact, yours was the only really confusing one so far.

Sometimes indiscreet friends are the BEST!!
A remarkably efficient way of dealing with this, erm, issue.

Gobsmackingly awful couple.

Gossip is often a good way to assess friends.
Good thing it is.

Oh I see. He attended the wedding, but now is avoiding the bride like the plague and was afraid she was going to be at today's lunch so gave it a swerve.

Gosh. Bride isn't making many friends these days, is she?

What could possibly be worse than knowing you have only been invited to a wedding as some sort of cashpoint, and to make matters worse, £100 of your money has gone into this cheeky bint's bank account?

I love PP's suggestions of putting loads of pictures of you up on Facebook quaffing champagne and 'buying' cars. maybe with a caption saying something along the lines of 'I was going to give a load of money to someone I barely know as a wedding present but only gave then £100 so I have loads left over to spend on myself!'

thumb you already said you were finding the thread confusing, not just my post. You are actually being quite rude, and I don't know why. Elspeth, for one, also didn't immediately understand the OP's post about the missing guest either.

Am I only one eager to hear what your other friends said on situatuon OP

Yes to Mrs N. Do that and Poverty's donation idea

Op, well done. Dignified direct response, news round the grapevine.

May I ask about the maybe Irish maybe not contribution , has this come in si de recession, or was it there before?

The nearest I have had to this was to pay substantial sums for the funeral and burial of a friend, whose daughter was up front in saying that instead of donations to a good cause she would prefer her mother to have the sort of funeral her mother wanted. I could see her point and to bury the dead is one of the corporal acts of mercy...but it left us short of cash for a long time..

• since recession?