Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

I do love wedding season on mn!! 😅🙈🙀

London, have you been to the scone thread?

I was hoping to see a lovely PA reply this morning :(

Other PPs have a point too OP. Is it too late to cancel the cheque? Regardless of any inheritance you have, that is for you to do with as YOU wish. Not to fund another persons wedding / new kitchen fund
Imagine having the audacity to send an email saying "we don't think you gave us enough money". . They're not a friend in any terms OP. Block and dump their entitled arses.

I do love wedding season on mn

Is it always like this? I was honestly starting to wonder if there is a wedding troll

The cheque's been cashed. The OP has said so a few times.

God. Wedding gifts. When i got married 10 years ago, a couple who were good friends of mine before they got together (in fact I introduced them to each other) didn't give me a wedding present. I was surprised because she's normally generous, and I'd just handed over a large gift for her wedding 4 months before.

I know it's not about presents but I couldn't help noticing and felt a bit sad - she obviously didn't feel the same way I did about her etc etc.

I noticed she was treating me with some reserve as well. It was all a bit awkward. Eventually - and THANK GOD she is blunt - she flat out said, "Was our present not good enough?"
"What present?"
"The £150 we sent you."
"What £150?"

Turns out her DH had put 3 £50 notes in a normal first class post envelope (FFS), and quelle surprise, they never made it to me. I ended up writing a gushing thank you letter for a present I never received, and her DH had a strip torn off him by his DW.

This story has nothing to do with place-marking, of course

The only wedding present we got that we thought was piss-poor was from one of our neighbours, who gave us a cheque for £25. Which bounced.

If the hadn't given us anything at all I wouldn't have cared- some people didn't and it was fine.

Was the cheque checked or chequed, though? Maybe the OP made a typo.

Lweji, you've confused me! it's easily done

A wishing well for cash donations?
Mind you, I can't say anything as it was tradition from Ex DHs culture to throw money at the bride and groom on their first dance. For good luck I think.
We're seperated now so that didn't end too well either . I felt awkward at that, something which was totally normal to ExDHs guests.

Are you good at Passive Aggressive OP? I'm torn between completely ignoring them and sending them an arsey email back as to how bloody spoilt rotten rude they appear to he.

Call your bank and cancel the cheque! Cheeky sods

Jesus Mary and Holy Saint Joseph.

The cheque is now money. Cold, hard cash.

Update since I just got back ...

Without wanting to be rude and make what was a nice occasion all about me, I did some quiet questioning and learned one of the expected guests hadn't come "because he didn't want to risk seeing (bride)"... she wasn't due to go anyway, but obviously he didn't know that and I'm told he wasn't prepared to discuss it further. It's perhaps relevant that this man has also recently retired, in his case after selling his company, which has understandably got my antennae twitching

To be fair his attitude might well have been about something else entirely, but to "help" with possible understanding I explained what's happened. The person I told is appalled, and not being terribly discreet, bless her, there's every chance that even the remotest islander will soon know all about it without me having to do anything more. Not perhaps the most direct way of dealing with it but probably just as effective in the end

I'm half tempted to call the missing guest, but he doesn't know me that well and on balance I'm inclined to leave it; he'll certainly hear about this, so if he's also had the email he'll at least know he's not alone, and if he hasn't there's no harm done

And no, I've still had no reply from the bride

When my parents got married (1964) it was customary for the groom to throw small coins at the waiting children outside church - small village in Germany, the whole town would turn out to gawp give the new couple their best wishes.

This was not about monetary value as such, just a token to share ones happy day. The coins were coppers and were collected for weeks beforehead and apparently did weight my dad's pockets down a fair bit.

The wishing well mentioned upthread absolutely deserves a hefty baggy of -coppers-- coins to be dropped off in it

OP, have cancelled the cheque already, hm?!

you

Once the gossip gets back to her you will.
She will want to know wtf you are telling people she asked for a million quid, a goat and a 4K tv

Did the bride invite a lot of retired people/ people who have recently come into money to her wedding?

Interesting!

Epic x-post.

Oh my.

I may be even more speechlesser.
The expected guest did not turn up? Somebody who recently came in to some money? Quelle coincidence.
I hope your friend is as indiscrete good at information sharing as you think fear.

Oh good. I'm glad you let it out, and I hope that the person you told DOES spread it far and wide.

I'd like to say I'm shocked that someone else ostensibly in receipt of quite a lot of money received the same email, but I'm not. I AM disgusted at the sheer bloody obviousness of the moneygrubbing behaviour though!

I really really really want to hear the bride's response, if she ever makes one...

Forgive me if I wasn't clear - today's missing guest was at the wedding itself, which is why it seems his absence today might be down to something which has happened in the meantime

And yes, the person I told has a level of indiscretion which is pretty well guaranteed

Is there a typo in your last Message OP? Do you mean non-guest was referring to bride's friend, rather than bride herself?

For those who are now questioning the bride cashing the cheque so quickly, the OP has said that the wedding was a few weeks ago - the grabby couple have been and come back from their honeymoon since.

Oops, cross posted

Haven't read all of it but I think that is terrible. Shocking manners. I would reply by saying your right I will donate to x charity on your behalf!

I think you and Retired Sold Company Man should put a photograph of the pair of you on FB, quaffing vintage champagne by the bottle and tucking into obscene amounts of the finest caviar with the caption "Well, you've got to get rid of it somehow".