Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Going to a wedding (unless local) usually costs a couple of hundred quid, by the time you have factored in clothes, a hotel, transport etc. More if you attend hen/stag dos, most of which are a form of social torture

So any gift is generous.

I would reply

"You are entirely correct you didn't receive the amount you deserved and I WOULD like to make an amendment - please can you send me a cheque for £99.99."

I wouldn't speak to them ever again cheeky money grabbing bastards.

No fucking way.

Please tell us more about the standard of the venue, drinks, food , entertainment etc.

Yes hmmm I'm finding this very hard to believe too but on the miniscule chance that it's actually true then cancel the cheque ASAP and tell the greedy bastards why. And then have nothing more to do with them.

If you can cancel the cheque, do so, and let them know that you found their message incredibly crass and ill thought-out.

If you can't cancel the cheque, get these scrounging feckers out of your life! That is beyond entitled. I am genuinely shocked.

You can't ignore that man. I agree, post it on their facebook and tell them you're cancelling the check since they're ungrateful fucks.

Cancel the cheque, if this is real. How well do you know this person? Did they ever show any signs of having a personality disorder before?

I'd send a message saying "Oh I'm so glad you sent this. I did think I'd made a faux pas with my cheque, I realise now that colleagues/ex-colleagues shouldn't be gifted the same as friends/non-immediate relations. I shall pop a cheque for £50/£25 in the post to you. Thank you though, some greedy twats would have just banked the cheque without a word."

I can sadly believe it is real, because several years back a 'friend' (quite difficult and high maintenance) was mugging her friends to go and fund her son's gap year. (Long story). She was saying she was a single mother blah blah and could not afford it. (I talked about it on here at the time). I seethed but inthe interests of goodwill gave a cheque for £100. I got pursed lips and the comment 'I would have thought you'd be good for more than that'.

what un grateful people.

Are you able to cancel the cheque?

I just CANNOT believe this happened, surely to god no one could sink so low. Tell me you have cancelled the cheque, please?! God I would love to be composing the response to that email.

Cut these people from your lives, immediately.

I would cancel then re-write a cheque for £0.00, sent with a note saying "I am surprised that my GIFT was not up to the standard you expected, and have therefore enclosed an adjustment I believe to be more suitable, given your thoughts on my 'position'.
Have a nice life."
Cheeky cow! Calling it a contribution is ridiculous for a start - guests don't give contributions, they give gifts. And nobody has the right to question or demand an increase in value of said gift!

The OP is a long time poster.

Although it is hard to believe anyone would do this.

I really hope this isn't true.

We're getting married in July. Haven't mentioned presents in any way. If anyone did give us £100 I'd be very grateful, slightly surprised it was so much and that's it.

People do seem to feel that it's fine to write twee poems to get given money so those don't really surprise me, but this is on a different level

we had a friend who sent all her friends a letter asking to contribute to her sons private school fees.

erm No, was the answer

Haha balloon you and me both

How about a twee poem in response?

Sorry that you thought us stingy,
But your email's rather whingy.
On the whole, I must conclude,
Better tight than fucking rude.

That is so gobsmackingly rude I nearly choked on me sandwich!

I think (after cancelling cheque, of course) I would be tempted to send them an email to say you're terribly sorry but you hadn't realised you were meant to buy a ticket for their wedding. How remiss of you! However, now we are all aware of the true nature of their wedding (ie a ticketed event), perhaps you could draw their attention to the following....

1. Disappointing venue
2. Disappointing food
3. Overpriced bar

Etc, etc.

You look forward to hearing their comments on the above matters and in the meantime you have enclosed an itemised bill covering your expenses associated with attendance of their ticketed event (outfit, travel, accommodation etc) and that, as a gesture of goodwill, they can deduct the £100 you have already paid.

OP, if you've made this up then congratulations - it has the power to be a huge thread! If it's not made up, cancel the cheque and sell the story to the Daily Mail. Practise your sad face.

Cancel the cheque! Ungrateful bastards.