Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

WTF, this is a wind up, surely no one can be so brassed necked? In case the couple have sank to an all new wedding low please cancel the cheque and never speak to them again.

Surely there is a cultural element to this?

There was a Daily Fail story/viral email a couple of years ago when a wedding guest was berated by the B&G for not giving a cash gift of greater value than their meal cost. They were American, and there were plenty of Americans saying the couple were perfectly within their rights to call out the guests on their bad manners as it is the done thing to cover the cost of your food and drink with your gift.
Don't know how widespread that is though

What?!?!

Wow

Why are posters assuming it is the bride behind this?

Hi all,

The OP has been around for a while and we have no reason to believe that she is trolling.

Can we ask you all to refrain from troll hunting please, we will remove the posts that break our Talk guidelines.

.

Agree with pp, publish their email. Allow the internet to destroy them.

No way! Please please cancel the cheque!

I would love to see what the couple would say to any of my friends. We have been a 20quid in a card group for as long as I remember..

Cheeky feckers

Blimey

As far fetched as it sounds, sadly I can definitely see circumstances in which it could be true (not saying it is or isn't). Some people really are like this! In my experience the wealthier they are to begin with, the more likely it is that people will behave like this. And weddings can sometimes turn even the most normal human beings into crazy people!

I can picture them sitting there counting up their wedding money. They've got a target in mind - maybe for the honeymoon or a deposit for their marital home - and then they realise they're short. They start wondering who's short-changed them. They go through all the cheques and remember hearing that one of her old colleagues is now filthy rich from some inheritance or something, and look - she only gave £100! Surely they can persuade her to give a little more? They spend hours crafting the perfect polite, measured email to enquire as to whether she might like to up her contribution. It's not cheeky, is it? After all, they invited her along to their special day! She should be grateful that she was included at all! And voila.

I wouldn't be able to keep quiet about something like this. I'd send a furious email back telling them exactly how rude i thought they were. If I didn't get a grovelling reply admitting that wedding-fever had caused them to temporarily take leave of their senses, then I don't think I'd ever speak to them again.

I'd politely say yes you're right. Please send the cheque back so I can send another one to you :) Make sure you get your money back then drop her. So cheeky!

Who do you think is behind it then, plimsolls? It can hardly be happening without the bride's knowledge.

Slimcheesy I had similar, a family friend kept messaging me asking for 'donations' so that her daughter (just a few years younger than me) could go and do some kind of interfering tourism good work during her gap year. I explained nicely that I was skint (just gone part time) and she unfriended me!

It wasn't even building a school or something useful, it was obviously a total jolly!

So very rude, especially calling it a contribution - it was a gift!

My response (in the perfect world where I am not a conflict avoiding wimp) would be to email them correcting the above and then point out that the only socially acceptable response receiving a gift is 'Thank You'.

Cancel the cheque, send them an email saying you will be adjusting in light of their email, and post them a cheque for 10p. Bloody cheek. Don't let the grabby grabbers get away with that.

Cancel the cheque.

Also do the reply of "I think you may have sent this to the wrong person".

I don't think I can quite believe they said that.

I have a few friends from Ireland, I hear that amongst their families/friends the going rate that guests are expected to bring is €150 per person, i.e. €300 per couple. That's the basics apparently, that's just to "cover" their attendance, and people give gifts above/on top of that. And some people openly budget for their guests contributions coming in on the day.

Sounds bonkers to me! But some people have expectations

My god, that made my jaw drop open! I give £100 to close friends - I feel it's very generous! What a cheeky fucker. I would DEFINITELY cancel the cheque and let them know they're cheeky bastards.

Is anyone else picturing some raddled Daily Mail hack feverishly trying to turn this into a carefully crafted piece of clickbait filler?