Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Why did you give them a cheque if the wedding is next week, or have I got that wrong?

Was the cheque for the baby?

I said the first thing I would have done I your situation would have been to cancel the cheque. I was wrong. What I would have done is:

1. Stared at email for too long, mouth hanging open.
2. Forwarded email to DH with prior warning by text that he had better be sitting down.
3. Gone to the loo, to ponder my response.
4. Checked bank balance while on loo to see if cheque had been cashed
5. Taken screenshot, redacted details and started AIBU thread.
6. Chosen much cheekier and less dignified response to OP.
7. Told all my friends and maybe the Daily Fail

Nice. There's a baby now.

Cancel the bloody cheque already!!

Typical MN: comes on, asks a question, gets pertinent advice and then obtusely refuses to follow it!

Actually, if she's on Facebook and I had money to spare, I would then get a photo of me handing a big cheque to a staff member with the animal rescue centre in the back. Underneath I would thank the bridzilla for donating her wedding gift to the centre. Can you imagine her having to smile and grit her teeth, every time someone congratulated her? But then I would cut off my nose to spite my face.

The cheque has been cashed, op can't do anything about that now !

I'm pretty sure it's been cashed already Pacific.

Just a hunch haha.

What are you saying?
How is Pacific to know?

if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received

Send her a screwdriver, to adjust the screw that's loose in her head.

Oh, really, it's been cashed?
And the wedding is today?
And they have a baby? Or was it triplets??
Will nobody think of the children?

I know it's been cashed, just taking the piss

I don't think the wedding is today. Think OP said there is another event, which bridezilla is not attending, today

Oo Poverty - I like your evil cunning. Do the FB charity donation, OP! Ideally to a charity that is worthwhile but that the bride will hate.

I know.
I know now.
I got temporarily confused this morning.
I feel so much better now that I am not the only one.

But thank you for being so kind, FullMoon.
I'll now stop taking the piss.

I wonder what new information Puzzled is going to came home with?

Ideally to a charity that is worthwhile but that the bride will hate

I bow my head in front of your superior evilness.

I suspect any charity will do.

So the wedding isn't today, it must be the christening then.

As you've probably been asked to act as godmother OP, I do hope you are more generous this time. Please don't put this poor woman in the embarrassing position of having to ask for more money yet again.

Are you always this thoughtless?

I would certainly forward the email to all shared friends with a note saying this was after she got £100. You don't want some of them going to the baby shower, giving her a generous gift and be landed with such a mean message.

OP
Do you have any redeeming features?

I'm awaiting updates with baited breath. Please send her a pamphlet for an etiquette course as your gift adjustment

Yes, you sound really tight with your money.

And cancelling that cheque was your lowest point.

*Yes, you sound really tight with your money.

And cancelling that cheque was your lowest point*

I was about to get stuck into you, then read that again.

Wait a second, is there a new MN emoticon?

'I'm in two minds on whether to spread this around at tomorrow's "do" or not. '

Tell everyone who will listen.

Gosh that is very cheeky.
I'm a single parent of 2 DCs on benefits.
I went to a wedding of newish friends last year. They had a certain John Lewis gift list and the minimum thing on their wish list was £100. My DCs bought them a little something from their pocket money and I bought them a gift I could afford.
I got a thankyou card almost six months later with no forwarding address (they'd moved afterwards but still had my email and phone number to contact / text me on) I could possibly reply to. I'm certain the DCs gifts would have been duly eaten and mine took to the nearest charity shop.

That's incredibly rude of the wedding couple OP, and to be honest, how well do you know them? I don't think you should waste your precious time on even replying to someone who is obviously ungrateful.