Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Storminateapot

I would tell her you have sent chequeS in the post, you have forward dated them so that they are not all cashed at once, hope she understands

Then send her some of those printable kids cheques - valid for one free hug - etc.

The thought of multiple cheques, so large that they can't be cashed together will have her excited and upon receiving the hug cheques she will hopefully (OK it's unlikely but you never know) realise what a twat she has been

I find it so hard to believe people like this exist, I'm sorry OP that you have experienced such a twat.

I am also a twat. I would have screenshotted the bloody email, posted to facebook, tagged her and waited.

Oh you need to cancel the cheque, tell them why and put their email up on Facebook. Everyone needs to see their grabbiness and take it as a lesson. Grabby bastards, the bills for their wedding are arriving & they're using their guests to make up the short fall.

for all those who haven't read the full thread

the cheque has already been cashed

That is shockingly rude. I thought cheques take 7 days to clear, that bride was fast off the mark

I am not easily shocked, but this is appalling.

Presumably it's too late to cancel the cheque - if so I think I'd write a very scathing note back, very likely not send it, and then scrub the person out of my life altogether.

And if anyone should ask later why you're no longer in contact with X, tell them.

Puzzled - have you attempted to cancel the already-cashed cheque yet?

I do think you should tell people about the email though - even if you do it in a "haha, you wouldn't believe this email I got from the B&G, did any of you others get an email like this? I was in stitches!! Of course, I suppose it must be a mistake or a joke, no one could really send an email like that in all seriousness?!"

I'd have to. I couldn't just sit on it. They clearly have no shame, so I'd have to open it up to public opinion of people they know as well as all of us on here.

Absolutely shocking behaviour! On the Irish point I went to the wedding of an Irish friend a couple of years ago and got a nice gift and gave cash as I knew they were going through a bit of a rough patch financially. She told me off for giving too much! The friend who I know her through is far better off financially but is also incredibly tight and a bit grabby! Please do update on the weekend of fishing for info OP. Your response is perfect.

I can't get over the madness that seems to be afflicting people getting married at the moment. There's this thread, the one where no one got fed properly and the one with the bridesmaid being sacked because she has an ill child and didn't want to go on an extra pub trip. What's the matter with everyone? Asking for a bigger gift is ridiculously rude.

Let's speculate as to the size of the required adjustment. I'll start with £500.

Shocking!

It's not unheard of!

www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2013/07/bride-rips-guest-for-low-wedding-gift-amount-you-gotta-read-this/

Does anyone know if the cheque's been cashed yet?

Maybe ask the OP?
2nd or 3rd of her posts or thereabouts?

Plus the recent bold post about the subject?

No, don't think it has purple I reckon the OP ought to cancel it.

Oh well. I blame people's shock for not reading anything but the OP...

THE CHEQUE HAS BEEN CASHED
IT HAS CEASED TO BE VALID
IT IS NOW MONEY

I sometimes think my friends' behaviours a little odd/entitled at times but they're nothing compared to these stories!

Not had time to RTFT, but I got as far as your response, OP, and it was perfect.

The next person who suggests 'cancel the cheque', needs a

GOOD KICK in the TWADGE!!!

Seriously though, you do need to out the bitch by telling your other friends.

If it were me, while I'd by dying to send a very rude email back, I would not want to 'sink to her level' as my mother used to say.
Dignified silence, and cut all contact in future?
I'm afraid that the sort of person who could behave like that will never understand that it's beyond the bounds of acceptable manners, so you're never likely to win any argument or slanging match.

THE CHEQUE HAS BEEN CASHED.
THE CHEQUE HAS BEEN CASHED.

THE. CHEQUE. HAS. BEEN. CAAAASSSSHHHHEEEDDDDDD

and breathe

Please, DM 'journalists' get off your asses and do some journo-ING! Find this idiotic grabby piece of work and do an article on her! !! She can take one for the team of entitled bridezillas out there to teach them a lesson.

Op I would definitely ask for the money back. Threaten her with the small claims court (even though you can't sue for return of a gift it might scare her)