Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Omg shocking behaviour!

And funny how she very conveniently cashed the chequebefore calling you out about the so-called shortfall.

I was grateful to everyone who came to my wedding, regardless of gifts. We didn't get married for the presents. Our guests made our day just by attending, they really did.
I'd be so hurt to receive an email like that, and I don't think the B&G would be friends of mine anymore after displaying such disgusting manners!

Cheeky bastards. Cancel the cheque. I am flabbergasted by the rudeness.

The cheque has been cashed and cannot be cancelled.

Send her a box of glue, she's obviously on it! Nevermind your 'gentle fishing' either, we need you to show them the email and ask if they got one too

i think you need to watch this marriage like a hawk...the moment they start divorce proceedings then you must ask for a refund.

:o

I'm in Ireland, and I've never heard of this supposed tariff for attending weddings to cover costs.

Oh I believe this alright!

I think don't even bother replying- grabby shits!

Send them some sushi - second class

..OR...
Send her a fiver and ask for change.

Anyway I'm seeing some folk over the weekend who were also at the wedding, so I'll do a bit of gentle fishing around whether they've heard from her recently.

OP - if they have heard from her, I have no doubt you'll hear about it !

Am genuinely speechless

OMG! I cannot believe the nerve of some people - cheeky, cheeky fuckers!!

BerylStreep I'm in Ireland and unfortunately have been to more weddings than I can count. Unfortunately a lot of people do factor in the 'tariff / admission cost' in what they're planning. Personally I hate it. I didn't go to a long time close friends wedding in Oct because no way I could afford to attend and have a gift. Let her know as soon as I had the invite (politely), sent a card after with a gift that I could afford, Christmas card after and all. I have been blatantly frozen out/ignored since she realised I wasn't attending or could send the required amount .
Sorry to derail thread!

I'd be tempted to email back along the lines of
" as you were unhappy with my gift please return it asap and I'll see about giving you something more appropriate"

Then send a print out of this thread back, after all it's priceless

I've just read the whole thread with my jaw on the floor.

Good, restrained response OP.

Something else I'm not sure about - though it hardly matters now - is the timing of this request. I don't want to give an identifying date, but the wedding/honeymoon took place a few weeks ago and I can't help wondering why now?

Since I hope not to see her again I guess it's unanswerable and I'm just thinking out loud, but if someone was going to do something like this I'd have thought it would be sooner rather than later - after allowing time for the cheque to go through, of course?

If someone's going to behave badly it's lovely when they behave so badly that it's entertaining.

This is astounding. Your reply was very reasonable OP! Marking place for reply.

Omg, can't believe some people ....

I'd put a stop on the fucking cheque if it hadn't been cleared! What a pair of rude, greedy bastards.

This is disgraceful!

OP could it be that instead of being normal and using the time for writing thank yous they're using it for shakedowns?