Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

I do like the idea of billing her for funeral costs for the dead friendship.

FUNERAL COSTS
Dead Friendship

Dress
Hat
Bag
Shoes
Gift
Travel
Accommodation
etc

End it with a DM sadface.

Anyone else desperate to know if Brizedilla To End All Bridezillas will respond?

This is vaguely reminding me of a plot from a Dickens novel where a young couple want to get married and are angling in grabby but subtle ways to get an aged aunt with an inheritance to pass some on to them and set them up in life.

I mean honestly in this day and age, people are earning money and have credit available to them so there's no need to be grabby at weddings. Your response is perfect, Puzzled.

Why now? Maybe their wedding expenses were larger than they planned for so are contacting guests to stump up the shortfall.

In view of the (completely unexpected) response I suppose I see what you mean, Perbsy. I confess I didn't see any "entertainment" when I first read the email, but with MN's help I'm beginning to see its latent merits

No doubt I'll laugh about this one day ... after all it's either that or scream

I honestly thought this was a joke when I first saw, but after reading every page, I honestly can not believe someone has the nerve to write such a thing! She must just be going all out in the hope you'll feel embarrassed and bullied into sending her more money and if not she's nothing to lose as she's an ex colleague who you're not close with. People turn into bastards where money is concerned.

Can't believe the gall of some people!

Oh she'll respond, and try to make out that OP is the cheapskate, using lofty words and semantic trickery.

I really think you should send them a link to this thread, greedy little f-ers that they are! Maybe they'll realise how out of order they are (though probably not, and your name will just become mud).

The most I've ever given for a wedding present is £100, and that only to my very closest friends. Ok, so you're obviously wealthier than I am (not hard, since I'm, once again, a student), but I doubt many people would expect more from most people. And from an ex-colleague - she should be thanking you sincerely for your very generous gift, not asking for more!

I would totally out this person on all social media. I really would.

I too confess to reading the OP and thinking "this is totally made up" and then two seconds later thinking "I wonder if it is a reverse because someone is thinking of sending that email and wants to see what reactions they would get". Having now read the whole thing - apologies OP for my doubts!!

The most extraordinary thing about this is that this is an ex-colleague who you weren't even that close too. I can imagine someone being hurt that a close friend gave a crappy gift (but even then I struggle to imagine a normal sentient human sending an email like that).

I bet you get a reply like origami posted above. I bet there will be reference to the "cost per head" of the wedding. I remember that thread about the "cost per head" and there were a lot of people who did say that had had that experience in America/ in relation to American weddings as a cultural attitude - even if it was right the subject of the thread was a wedding in Canada which I can't remember myself.

Your reply was perfect, OP - please do update us if she respones, and enjoy the inevitable "OMG YOU GOT ONE TOO???" conversation with your mutual friends this weekend!

OP you must tell your friends about this, why the hell should you protect this awful woman by surreptitiously trying to find out if your friends have received similar requests? Tell them all in great detail.

They deserve to know what a giant barefaced bastard their friend is!

Was it addressed personally to you OP?
I'm wondering if it's a generic email they have sent out to everyone because some people didn't give them anything and now they've got around to totalling up the costs of everything they have a shortfall.
This doesn't make it any ruder: a gift should not be expected even if it is a social convention, but given your extraordinary generosity it beggars belief.

any less rude....I meant

Yep you have to ask other friends who went if they got that same email.

Do you think she seriously thought you'd respond with "Oh silly me, here's another couple of hundred quid for you, can't believe I was so stingy!!"

You have been exceptionally generous.

Or you were.

Cancel the cheque and shame them. Rude money grabbing self centred cunts.

Could they possibly have cashed all the cheques and not written down properly who-sent-what? Maybe they think you didn't give them anything? :-/ If not it's astounding.

I'd be tempted to respond with something along the lines of "You're quite right, I do need to make an adjustment. If you'll send the £100 back I'll send a replacement. I'm afraid for internal accounting reasons I do need it back first". And then send a cheque for £1.

It's so astoundingly rude whatever the circumstances, that I had to post to see what the weekend friends say and also if you get any further response OP.

The only aside I would mention is that I've also kept my financial situation private, people know far too much about other people's circumstances these days. I wonder if she'd have said the same thing if she hadn't known about the inheritance? by the sound of her, she just might have.

Surely they have muddled up your gift with someone else's? Either way, they are bloody rude!

I'm literally speechless!

Yes, I suppose it's possible they've lost track of who-sent-what, but it till seems a bit of a stretch to go from that to risking such a message

The email started "Hi (name)" and there weren't any other addresses listed, like you sometimes get when an email has been sent to multiple people - so either she personalized it carefully or I really AM the only guest it was sent to

Tbh it doesn't matter if the bride muddled up gifts

No gift, a mug, £10 or a £100 that email is not acceptable.

Yes it's customary to give gifts at a wedding but it's cheeky to expect them