That thing where you think you're being polite but really it's just a bit mad

[Nabootique]

I am in the office just thinking about going to the canteen to get breakfast. I can't order what I want as the very nice young man who works the counter prides himself on getting my "usual" on the go as soon as he sees me approach the door. As a result, I have the same thing every day and don't have the heart to tell him I'd like to order something different.

I feel like this mad level of politeness is probably very common. Any funny stories?

Proper laughed at that one Lying

Hair like Medusa

Husbands aunt called me by my name when face to face but Christmas cards where made out to any any female name she could remember every year a different name

I was working on a ward for some time, we had a patient who thought I was a man.

When I did any personal care he would call me a 'good boy' I never had to heart to tell him I am female.

It happens quite a bit though, the elderly see my short hair and call me a boy/man. I don't look like a man, it seems to be only the elderly who do it.

Salmotrutta

I was once part of a group being regaled by a work colleague - older chap, very friendly and pleasant but one of life's bullshitters - think Kenny Senior from Phoenix Nights ("I once played swingball in Pwllheli with Robert De Niro").

The story was pretty amusing and unique. It elicited the appropriate response and said chap left with a beam on his face, having successfully entertained us. I was particularly taken, in full fits of laughter, tears streaming.

As soon as he was out of earshot, one of my work colleagues turned to me and said "Didn't that happen to you, Maid? Didn't you only tell us that last week?".

Everyone knew, nobody said anything.

So people exaggerating part of an event you've been part of? Pah.

A lady used to regularly approach me in our local shop and call me Rosemary and ask after my parents and my children.....I had no children at the time.
On three separate occasions I corrected her saying she must be mistaken etc etc but every time I saw her subsequently she would still call me Rosemary and ask about my "family" . I gave up in the end and just went along with it much to the amusement and amazement of DH when he was with me on one of the occasions.
The weird thing is she ignored DH , he obviously didn,t resemble Rosemary's husband

lying you are my hero!

I rent a house on a farm. The farm also has buildings they rent to businesses (horse place, carpenter, mechanic etc). Lots of burglaries at night so landlord put big gates up to the farm and asked me to lock them when I'm in for the night.

Down the lane lives another man who also rents his house from my landlord. He also does some work around the farm occasionally.

Every night at 11pm he walks his dog down the lane. When the gates first got put up we happened to be outside at the same time as him one night and he asked if I would like him to lock the gates. I said yes. He then knocked the next night and asked if I'd like him to do the gates to save me going out. I said yes again.

He NEVER bought the keys back and now locks the gates at 11pm every night. Effectively I'm locked in after 11pm every night.

He thinks he's doing me a favour and I haven't got around to asking for the key back

ILostIt maybe he does.

It's not a bad pork pie actually, it has lemon stuffing on top.

Every so often he will bring something else in, odd, random things, and hand them over saying "I brought this for you" and you look at it and wonder why he thought you wanted a slightly chewed pencil or a plastic angel that hangs on a Christmas tree or whatever, and you'll thank him in that slightly vague and a not so slightly startled way, and he will say "if you don't like it..." and at that point it all gets very British and the random thing because the best gift you've ever been given. "Oh, no, I love it, I LOVE IT, thank you!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, YES, it's lovely, thank you!"

And at that point he'll walk off but just call back to you "I found it on the floor of the bus, I thought you'd like it" or "It was in the bin but I knew you'd have it."

And you can't throw it away because the one time I tried it turned out to have belonged to his dead mother and I still have the guilt.

I spent three years at school being called the wrong name by a teacher. The first time she was behind me bellowing "Louise! LOUISE! LOUISE!!! Don't you know your own name girl?"
My name is not Louise and I was too bloody terrified to correct her. Instead I let her think I was a bit thick.
Dh and I were married for over a year before he admitted he didn't like how I made his coffee. He would sneak back into the kitchen and add an extra spoon of coffee and sugar.
Recently, my son turned 2. We had a very small get together at my house. The day after, a friend messaged me to say "Oh, why did you leave my invite with my sister? She never passes stuff on I'm so sorry we weren't there!!"
I just could not make myself tell her that I had not left an invite with her sister for her (I had invited her sister as she has a child the same age as my son) but I had not, in fact, invited her. Reasons being many and various including lack of space, her children being a lot older etc. She kept gushing on about how sorry she was not to be there and how her children would have loved it.....

Love this thread

Two TV programmes come to mind - Fr Ted being called Fr Curley , and Friends, Chandler being called Toby, for years, by a colleague.

I've done the polite thing many times, usually with being called the wrong name, and letting it pass.

DP's auntie was as deaf as a post, and called me by a name very similar to mine, but not actually the right name (think Emma/Gemma, but not really those names). I corrected her for the first year or so, then gave up, so she carried on until she passed away five years later.

Worst bit was, the name she called me was DP's ex's name . Good job I thought the world of her and knew it was mutual!

My lovely friend's equally lovely mother used to be a big thing in music promotion, she's also a bit ditzy. I was once talking to her about my favourite band - say it was Depeche Mode (names have been changed to protect the innocent). She's then heard it as Duran Duran and bangs on about how much I like Duran Duran all the time, I nod along because I'm too polite to correct her. This goes on for a couple of years.

This summer, Duran Duran are playing a huge gig in my town and, at considerable personal hassle, friend's mother has got me VIP tickets.

And a meet and greet with the band.

I do not like the band. I do not know any of their songs. I will not be able to fake my way through a meet and greet.

DP and I are just about to book our summer holiday at the same time as the gig as the only possible way of getting out of it.

I wrongly ordered something on Amazon and when it came to add to it the packaging was damaged, so I thought I could send it back being damaged (didn't want to admit I had ordered the wrong thing) so chatted online to ask how to return, they said they would send another FOC, instead of just saying 'no I don't want it' I thanked him profusely and now I have two of the bloody things I didn't want!

I was asked to an awards ceremony in my line of work and was very flattered to be asked to present an award. Great I thought! I was fairly nervous and they sat all the presenters in various places close to the stage. Had a bit of wine to calm my nerves but as I was reading off an auto-cue thought it would all be fine.

When it got to my award I jumped up ready to go on, they say "here to present the award is..." And I stroll on, stand on the podium and get ready to speak. Except they don't say my name, they say someone else's and I realise that the award about to be presented is similar to mine but for an entirely different industry.

At this point, I sort of floated up out of my body, looked down at myself and somehow, did this: instead of walking off the stage again, I accepted the round of applause and started reading the autocue. It was about actuarial finance (I work in law) so nothing remotely similar at all. And everyone had clapped at me being Jane Smith or something. I then even announced the winner, they came up, shook hands with me and photos taken. And then the picture was printed in the brochure of the evening with my photo but poor Jane Smith's name.

She stood at the side of the stage sort of half open mouthed and half amused, and I legged it off the stage. Then I heard them call my actual name to present my award and thankfully one of my colleagues got up, elegantly said he was there on my behalf and did it.

This was a few years ago but they still haven't let me live it down!

These are brilliant. Lying, you win the prize. You should have gone back and asked for the CCTV (on both occasions, actually)

OP, the way to sort out your situation is to make a really big deal of changing your order. Don't just shuffle in and murmur "Actually-I'd-like-something-different-today-I-just-didn't-know-how-to-tell-you..." That'll just embarrass everyone. You need to shout across the room as soon as you open the door - "Steve! Hold the toast! You're not going to believe this, but after five years of the Full English I've decided it's time for a change. Give me your finest kippers!" Make it a 'thing', he'll be delighted.

Years ago on Christmas Day I got a phone call from a girl who sounded like a new friend I'd recently met at college (it was long before the days of caller ID). We chatted animatedly about what sort of a day we were having, the presents we'd got, and so on. It was several minutes into the call when I realised I wasn't talking to my friend - it was, in fact a complete stranger. She must have sensed that I was 'different' as well because she then asked me if I was drunk. I didn't know how to end the call so actually pulled the 'going through a tunnel' thing (although not in a car ) and hung up in huge confusion

These are all hilarious!! There's a lady who helps run a local toddler group I take ds to who insists on calling ds Hayden ds is not called Hayden (it starts with the same letter but doesn't sound remotley similar). I still haven't corrected her and its been too long now. I also get on well with two mums at the toddler group, neither of which I know the name of. We have lovely conversations but I cannot ask them their names as its been many many months!!

You did the tunnel thing??? But I assume it was a landline :o brilliant

I have actually stopped going in my 'local' coffee shop as it is just too much.

As soon as the person behind the counter knows what my regular order is I feel really weird, like I've lost control.

Shame because I really like the coffee and the vibe!

This is the most British thread I've ever read! I was thinking that myself, but believe me, people from the Southern US, where I grew up, come a close second. I have a friend who years ago was given an angel figurine for Christmas by another friend. To be polite, she carried on about how much she loved it in front of several other people. Now she has about 30 of the little buggers, which she puts out all over her house at Christmas when these various angel-giving friends and relatives come to visit. She hates them all (the angels, not the friends and relatives.)

'DP and I are just about to book our summer holiday at the same time as the gig as the only possible way of getting out of it.'

Hilarious. So British!!

BogBurglar99 - haven't read all the thread but your post about not knowing their name reminded me of something I saw on Facebook! It's where someone got a text off a number they didn't have saved but the person texting clearly knew them. So they replied as normal then added "how do you spell your name again?", ask them how to spell their name then cringe and cry when it's a simple name with only one spelling

DH'S family think that I love port.

I now have 4 unopened bottles in the cupboard.

I do not have the heart to tell them I'm not that fussed about it.

I was new at work and I didn't understand what a colleague asked me, so as per usual I said yes.

Turns out he asked me if I had a dog.

I don't. My old cocker spaniel passed away summer 2015, and every time I see him at work, he always asks about my dog.

I never know what to say or do, and now I'm just in a hole with a dog.

Queenbean funniest thing today!