That thing where you think you're being polite but really it's just a bit mad

[Nabootique]

I am in the office just thinking about going to the canteen to get breakfast. I can't order what I want as the very nice young man who works the counter prides himself on getting my "usual" on the go as soon as he sees me approach the door. As a result, I have the same thing every day and don't have the heart to tell him I'd like to order something different.

I feel like this mad level of politeness is probably very common. Any funny stories?

Another name one - I was out with DH and his friends (early on in our relationship) and when he got up and went away from the table, one of the girlfriends said in a very concerned manner 'you keep calling him X, but his name is Y'. I was right - thankfully! - but she had no idea that the nickname his friends used was not his real name. Bless her for trying to save me, though!

Similarly, I met up with a step-relative for the first time in years. His wife expressed surprise that we called him X, when his name was Y. We responded with 'that's his name' and she said that all his family called him that (X) but everyone else knew him as Y. I think family used his middle name but at some point he must have changed to using his first name and not told us!

I lived and worked in a country where English was widely spoken but not the national language. I didn't speak the national language.

Somehow at a work meeting someone misheard something I'd said (in English) as being a phrase in the local language and started going on about how great it was I had made the effort to learn the language, most people don't, my accent was great etc etc. Others joined us and she explained to them what she'd been telling me, how great I was etc. As if this wasn't massively embarrassing enough they then - of course! - started talking in the local language, beaming at me. I sort of smiled as if I understood then made excuses and went to the loo. For ages. I'm sure they worked it out.

As an awkward teenager I got a text from an unknown number. From what they said it was clearly one of my friends but I didn't know which one. I was too embarrassed to ask outright so my grandma suggested that I ask how to correctly spell their surname under the guise of being able to save their number properly. His name was York

Stealth no, a PP referred to him as Steve, so I just used that name. He doesn't wear a name badge unlike everyone else there so don't know his name. It could be Steve!

DD's nan (ex-h's mum) somehow got it into her head that DD likes those breakfast biscuits. She doesn't. And now every time her nan goes shopping she buys DD two boxes. They just sit in the cupboard, gathering dust as no one else likes them either. DD refuses point blank to confess and at last count there were 11 boxes! I have to get DH to take them to the food bank.

I purchased a travel system last year when trying to conceive as it was such a bargain, virtually brand new and a nice colour

Anyway, it was April time. I went to the woman's house to collect it and as she had 2 young dcs, I carried it downstairs bit by bit myself and we got chatting.

She asked me when my baby was due, being not pregnant and not having thought it through beforehand, I blurted out February. Which would have made me minus 2 months. Why I didn't just say 'oh I'm not pregnant yet' I'll don't really know but I think it was out of good old, ingrained British politeness.

I've been killing myself laughing at all of these today, it's the best thread ever... . I'm just glad that any CCTV of me would be long gone by now, I'd die of embarrassment to see me in action in RL. Nabootique for this thread and for everybody's posts; I've copied and pasted them to a word document so I can fall about laughing at my leisure...

Queenbean, your post is outstandingly hilarious!

This... this is me, or it would be. Makes me laugh so much! It's the TKMAXX advert, with her head through the ceiling...
www.youtube.com/user/LoveTKMaxx

Ok, ok. There are plenty of replies telling people how they have people not know their name. Ok, THINK ABOUT IT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SITUATION.

I've been calling this person 'Adrian' for about two years. When they moved and we were all celebrating their new job and whatnot, their last words to me were "It's Aiden."
OH MY GOD
WHY

Years ago, while working in my first job and before I could afford a car, a colleague used to occasionally give me a lift home. The first time she offered, she misheard where I lived and took me to another village about three miles from where I actually lived. I was too embarrassed to correct her, so I directed her to the end of a random street, got out of the car, strode purposefully off down said street until she'd disappeared, swivelled round and strode purposefully back to the bus stop and caught the bus the rest of the way home.

And then repeated the exact same thing every time she dropped me off for the next five years.

Page... oh my goodness, that's dedication to the cause for Britishness!

Glad you've enjoyed my misery, my face still burns about it now!

Lying the next time she dropped me off she was so proud of the fact she'd remembered where I didn't live lived, I didn't have the heart to tell her. Plus, you know, the whole "striding off down the street" as if I'd lived there all my life thing...

Five years Page???

I've been sending a christmas card to a couple in our street for 13 years as peter and sam, I sign it from both our names and house number next to it.

I have never once received a card back from them even though the husband will talk to me, the wife completely blanks me. It was only chatting to another neighbour and they said oh did you hear about dave and steph, they got burgled... didn't have a clue who these 2 people wee and it turns out the ones i've been calling peter and sam all this time... No wonder they hate me!

It wasn't every night for five years, maybe once a fortnight or so...I'm not completely mad.

This is such a great thread.

You are all insane

This reminds me of my family: Irish catholic background, so I have 5 (close-ish) relatives called Michael, 5 called Patrick - causes no end of confusion. A few years ago, we went to my cousin's funeral - she had been christened Elizabeth Anne XX, but since her mother was also Elizabeth, the family all knew her as Anne. Her colleagues, however, had all called her Liz. The order of service referred to her by both names, and the priest kept having to say "Liz or Anne", which just sounded like she'd had personality issues all her life.

This thread is brilliant

There's a pub in Cornwall that I've been to with my family since I was a child. They made amazing chilli con carne which I ate when I was little but stopped having after I turned veggie when I was eleven.

Anyway, fast forward a couple of decades and DH and I are on holiday nearby and I call to book a table for that evening. I ask if they still do the chilli as I know DH would love it and they say it's not on the menu but they'll do one specially for DH. Great, I think. DH gets to eat the legendary chilli.

When we arrive we sit down and no menus proffered. Two plates of steaming chilli brought to the table. It turns out they thought we both wanted the chilli. I hadn't eaten meat in over 20 years by that point but couldn't bear to say anything and just ate it with DH pissing himself laughing at me.

I did this too EverySecondCounts. A woman in a cafe admired my lovely little boy, how strong he was, even how nice it is to see a boy dressed in pink. I nodded along while DH grinned, and by the time she asked 'his' name it was far too late to correct it. So I panicked and said "Er - Richard". Both she and DH did a double take and repeated Richard?
I have no idea where that name came from.

Brilliant thread!

I also have a DD who was mistaken for a boy as a baby and didn't have the heart to correct the mistaken woman.

We were waiting in a really long queue at Heathrow and when (after about half an hour of chatting and DD being referred to as 'he') she asked what 'his' name was I just blurted out Max. (Have always liked that name!) It was right by the immigration desk and they interrogated me for about 15 mins as to whether DD was actually my baby.

Oh Gunpowder that's brilliant...what a place to do it!

Thank you so much for this thread. Inspired by your stories (which made me reflect on a few past ones of my own), I ditched an evening class earlier this evening that was boring me to tears and hard to follow because I missed a week at the midpoint coffee break. I didn't even bother giving a credible reason. I just upped and left, thanking the tutor on my way out as it was the last one.

I wonder if any of our non-UK/non-British posters can comment on whether this is a peculiarly British affliction.

Mine still makes me laugh to myself... Identifying details changed obviously.

My Friend Rachel Smith had a 30th birthday meal at Pizza Express on Lower Street, Woking. I obviously jotted it down in my address book next to her name and number. I never made it to the party as I was really delayed. Apologised and forgot about it, but made sure I posted a card. Then I sent an engagement card, Xmas card and so on for years.

Never went to her house, but driving down lower street in Woking on my way to work one day, I thought oh Rachel lives near here... She must live really near the restaurant....

5 fucking years of sending cards to a bloody restaurant!

I found an old school friend on Facebook, he had a very unusual name (think along the lines of Jupiter Wobbly) so easy to locate. We spent a long time (six months or so) having a good catch up and talking about the places we knew where we went to school. Out of the blue one night (six months later) he confessed he didn't know who I was, checking his details further I realised he was five years younger than me and wasn't in the same year group at all but had an identical name to the old school friend I thought he was and had been at the same school but a few years later!

He was really embarrassed as he didn't want to offend me and because I felt sorry for him I couldn't unfriend him from my FB