to think these are words you never need to hear from a Midwife ? (only slightly lighthearted)

[CheshireDing]

Midwife said told "I can definitely feel a big head".

I am nearly 35 weeks and disturbed is not the word. DC2 had a big head, so what the hell size is this one's ??!!

Seriously practising my hypno now so get DC3 out shortly

Not a midwife, but from an ob/gyn doctor.

I was giving birth for the first time in Belgium and was keen on having a natural birth if possible. Giving birth at that time in Belgium was fairly medicalised with most women having epidurals and using stirrups. I was fortunate that everthing was going to plan and I was coping with the pain on my hands and knees. The ob/gyn was called when I was due to push, which is standard procedure in Belgium even when everything is going well. He took one look at me on my hands and knees and ordered me onto my back, instructing me that 'all women in Belgium give birth on their backs using stirrups'. I refused due to the pain and gave birth lying on my side. Afterwards the doctor suggested that next time I might want to consider a midwife led home birth - he didn't want to see me in hospital again!

After the birth of my DS the midwife said "oops that was fast, you're bleeding quite a lot so please lay down."

Trumped by the consultant that recommended to the surgeon addressing the 2nd degree tear "I think that bit goes with that bit."

Thanks for sharing ladies, such great therapy.

Remembered one from my second birth. She shot out rather fast and caught us all on the hop. I basically went into shock and the only thing I heard was the mw saying 'can we give mum and baby the mask please?' Meaning oxygen mask. Only as a precaution for both of us, we just shared the mask for a few minutes. We were fine but hearing that was rather scary at the time!

I also asked how many stitches I'd had "well we don't really do it by number of stitches"

Oh good so what you mean is you have lost count now

I see the daily mail have printed this thread today.
dailym.ai/1XZJwUw

Just to let you know the lazy journalists from the dailyfail have mined mumsnet yet again for their articles, and this thread is being quoted verbatim, with usernames. They have quoted your personal and emotive stories for click bait!

Have a look here in the dailyfail article

You might want to brace yourselves from public trolling and mansplaining, and have a name change.

X post oyster babe

Post delivery and episiotomy, midwife comes back into the delivery room, takes a look at my bloodied and unstitched nether region, and says (about the registrar) "She hasn't just gone off and left you like THAT, has she!??"

Me: "Um, yes, I guess she has." Thankfully it was a view I wasn't party to.

Is the DM actually allowed to do that???? That's shocking! Even more shocking than what's on this thread!

(lurking at 32 weeks with first baby)

God, what a shite article. Literally just screenshots of the thread.

Good work, DM.

As for the PPH I would so very much hope and believe that the midwife would say "Don't panic but come on in".

You would have thought so, but no, she actually said what I described above. The rest of the conversation went like this.

Midwife on labour ward: 'Oh all right, we'll send out a midwife.'

A few minutes later I said (or rather, whimpered) to husband 'Fuck it, just call the fucking ambulance.'

A few minutes later midwife arrived to find me sitting in a huge pool of blood. She looked horrified, then started trying to get a cannula in, but couldn't do it.

A few minutes after that the paramedics arrived, took over, got a cannula in, and got me to hospital.

I've been quoted and screenshotted in the DM!
I feel a bit...violated

ducksauce. I never count stitches. There's no need to as its one continuous thread rather than in the olden days when it was lots of seperate, interrupted stitches. So I tend to concentrate on the actual process than counting how many times I've put the needle in.

Ducksauce, I was told it was a running stitch when I asked how many they'd used to close my episiotomy incision. I was a bit disappointed as it means I can't play war stories with the other mums

And DMe journalists are lazy bastards. They're constantly lifting threads from reddit too. How some jammy git got the job of 'forum reader' I'll never know - I want it!

I think ive already said why....because I'm concentrating on doing a decent job. It's not like turning a pair of trousers up. The wound is often bleeding, you can't see what you're doing, the tear can be ragged and in more than one direction. I think most people would rather a midwife concentrated on doing a decent job.

Plus the number of times you put the needle in doesn't equate to how bad the tear is at all. You can have a longer but shallower tear which will require more stitches. Or a deep but short tear which requires less. I'm always happy to draw a diagram of the tear and explain the repair in detail afterwards.

And actually most people don't ask. I reckon ive been asked a handful of times in ten years. And most people who do ask don't seem bothered to not have a number when I give them an explanation of their tear.

I have no idea how many stitches in had. It didn't occur to me to ask

Wow can the daily mail really just pinch a story and use screen shots like that? how lazy!

I don't assume anything. . I ask them how much detail they want to know about the tear and ask them if they want to see the diagram (which we have to draw for everyone and put in their notes). But after I've asked them this and we have whatever level discussion they seem to want I don't often get asked the "how many stitches" question. Some people I guess are a bit squeamish and don't want to know details so they get basic details mainly about hygiene and what to expect from it healing.

Goodness. I would never have realised that my remarks would come in for such vitriol. I absolutely did not call anybody a liar, and I am not the least bit unaware of how people do sometimes say foolish things or not explain things properly. I sometimes say things that I wish I had phrased better. BUT, I sure as hell always do my best and I don't know many midwives or doctors who don't.
I thought I would start to write on social media because some of the things I read seem unnecessarily frightening, and not completely accurate, so I genuinely thought I might be able to answer certain questions people might have and reassure them. Sorry if I was wrong

Yes you were wrong. And quite patronising DrKaren.

If you are a real doctor implying women are lying or mistaken on social media is really very shoddy if not downright unprofessional.

Every post I (and I expect most others) wrote was true. The bits in inverted commas were the actual words used.