How can I be more "French"?

[hangingoutattheendofmywick]

So this morning I did an Ocado shop and stumbled across the world foods department. There is a French section and I was immediately transported to my holidays when I was young at Keycamp in France. I basically ordered a shed load of French delights and as I'm currently really down in the dumps and life is a bit shite I've decided to BE more French.

Other than learning the language again (I've lost it since GCSE) and eating / drinking all my French delights I'm wondering what I can do to make my life a bit more French. Any ideas?

I'm looking for :
Music
Literature
Recipes
Drinks
General ways of living.

Ta!

If you live in the French countryside, as I do, put on a lot of weight and wear very strange clothes. Preferably in polyester. This aids le arôme naturel, particularly at the moment when it is 38°c. Dye your hair aubergine or get a crew cut and severe glasses. In fact abandon all care of your appearance totally.

If you want to make a point, shake hands with someone in your office more than once a day. This suggests you have forgotten you have already shaken hands with them and is highly insulting. It may also suggest that they are very unimportant to you .

i think my other half suffers from heavy leg syndrome - it is used when i ask him to do anything.

What is MDR?

I used to play pétanque half-cut on Pastis

I thought it was obligatory to play it that way??!!!

Yes Cote Me too . There was a cute 8 month old baby in a supermarket trolley just gurgling as babies do and the parents hissed at it to be quiet. I have a feeling that they have control issues. Their gardens have to be just right NO MAUVAISE HERBES I have an organic garden which they mostly find hard to understand!!

Oh and refuse to accept use of the euro - continue to think in Francs and then convert to that confounded new currency.

Another tip for men ~ Pee outside as often as possible.

Never cut the pointy end off cheese when serving yourself - take a long slice from the side.

Cider is acceptable as well as wine in the correct region.

Use vous and tu correctly.

First go on strike at a time to cause maximum disruption. Get your hair cut into a stylish bob and do a wardrobe cull before you invest in a few classic pieces. Fill your fridge with drugs - make sure you have something for piles. Take leisurely lunches whilst discussing de Beauvoir and Sartre and shrug a lot. Take your tiny dog for walks but under no circumstances clean up after any mess that it makes, be sure to have a suitable sized handbag to put him in when he is tired. Drink Kir Royale around 7pm and red wine with dinner not forgetting to give a watered down glass to DC.

C'est tres facile a become beaucoup francais

forgette toutes les battles qui les grenouilles lost

pour example -
Le Waterloo
Le Agincourt
Le Crecy

etc etc.

et aussi un smattering of franglas will go une longue distance

Oh and refuse to accept use of the euro - continue to think in Francs and then convert to that confounded new currency.

Ha! My DH and his sisters used to calculate stuff in 'francs anciens'. I was

Rose wine is served with ice

Wtf

That's disgusting

I'm French and I must say I love this thread, you lot are so funny

Maman That 'discussion' very much depends on how good ones' french is and how strong the accent of the other person is . Though I know what you mean.

I loved the cold caller who went into her spiel in french and then when I explained that I spoke very bad french (deliberately slowly) she said 'Oooh la la' and put the phone down .

If you don't live in the French countryside (cf castles above) you must have a safe, perfectly executed haircut. Wear makeup that looks 'natural', the alternative being black eyeliner & red lipstick.

Discuss philosophy and make complicated jokes based on subtle double-entendres. (Nobody will get them over here, mind you!)

Wean your children on steak, garlic bread and Brie :)

I think castlesintheair must live in my village, she's described my neighbours to a tee.

If you're a man you must wear navy blue polyester overalls at all times.

MDR = 'mort de rire' (died laughing)

pratice the phrase "hoopla" and use it when falling over skiing after a couple of vin chauds.

As opposed to shouting "ow, fuck, you ran over my ski you pissed bastard"

"Rose wine is served with ice"

Not around these parts. It's only my English friends who take ice with their rosé

And when driving get as close as possible to the car in front of you, using their slipstream and thus saving fuel. If they have a newspaper in the dashboard make sure that you're close enough to their rear bumper so you can read it while driving along and therefore saving yourself 50cents by having to buy your own.

Fill your fridge with drugs - make sure you have something for piles

Ah, yes! You also need a huge selection of medicinal tisanes, and remember that headaches arise from the liver so you should treat them with Epsom salts

Medicines are administered up the bum, especially to children.

Buy some fireworks and hold a party on 14th July.
Drink your morning coffee from a bowl.
book your summer holiday in France.

Oh god yes Allalone Why do they do that?? I noticed a guy doing that outside Jardi. (which has a public toilet). Perhaps it's to nourish the trees and bushes do you think?

Go away every single weekend and for every school holiday, arriving back at 6am at CDG in time for school at 8am and work at 9am. This is much cheaper than it sounds as French families have country homes, beach homes and ski-ing apartments galore and just making the rounds of all your friends' homes, let alone your own, will fill a couple of years.

Long haul is for Toussaint, Christmas and Easter only.

publicly despise the invasion of american culture then take the kids to McDo

Oh yes brittany It doesn't matter how fast you're going they want to either overtake you or push you off the road. I'm not sure which!