How can I be more "French"?

[hangingoutattheendofmywick]

So this morning I did an Ocado shop and stumbled across the world foods department. There is a French section and I was immediately transported to my holidays when I was young at Keycamp in France. I basically ordered a shed load of French delights and as I'm currently really down in the dumps and life is a bit shite I've decided to BE more French.

Other than learning the language again (I've lost it since GCSE) and eating / drinking all my French delights I'm wondering what I can do to make my life a bit more French. Any ideas?

I'm looking for :
Music
Literature
Recipes
Drinks
General ways of living.

Ta!

You cannot live a French lifestyle without a French car eg. Peugeot. If you get stuck in traffic on the motorway drive on the hard shoulder or over a field if necessary.

Bold fail

After you've practiced all the advice on this thread for a year or two, you can wear this t-shirt:

www.etrececile.com/am-i-french-yet-oversize-tshirt.html

My GD was given suppositories for conjunctivitis. She had four medicines (we only wanted eye drops).
Also learn to pronounce "terroir" with a sneer (as in no one else can make wine as they don't have the right sort).

Do all the cooking ( even barbecue:) and cleaning whilst the menfolk sit round with pastis or wine moaning about the government. Then let them choose what they want to watch on the TV. You may have a small martini but you never get drunk or tipsy.

Kiss everyone on greeting and leaving even if you don't like them. This can take hours so say you are leaving about an hour before you plan to.

Glare at anyone who doesn't speak perfect very fast French and pretend everything they say is incomprehensible. Even " Maldives". After humiliating them for as long as possible, say " oh, Maldives, bof" and then shrug. Then inxplicably be really nice.

Have a dog which is small and has no manners.

"Etes-vous sur l'adhesif?"

BUT Garlick After an enormous revolution they still ADORE their aristos and our royals AND they didn't change their mode of address, why tf do they still use tu and vous? It's a mystery. To be fair they don't know either.

Render your menfolk totally domestically incompetent as an insurance policy against divorce.

Bonsoir I like the 'my' grocer etc. but they don't refer to their own hair or arms etc... they could be anyones .

Start making films which seem profound but actually don't go anywhere and make audiences come away thinking "what was all that about...". And stick a random song in the middle of each film which doesn't really add to the plot and comes out of nowhere.

Add message | Report | Message poster MamanOfThree Tue 30-Jun-15 14:15:43
I have to say ice in wine has always been a No-No for me unless it's very hot and the wine is well... Crap.

Well that could explain it except that these old money types recommended it to us and they've certainly drunk us dry on other occasions! If I'm not worrying about running out of ice, I'm worrying about running out of wine.

And the cigarettes! You strategically place ashtrays all around the table and they still nonchalantly flick ash and butts on the terrace.

Ignore every single EU law that causes the slightest inconvenience and shrug at les anglais who seem to grasp and implement with a bizarre frenzy.

look at a small garden pond and think - there is dinner in there, if not then a starter.

Claim to enjoy andouillette.

watch 'Amelie' whilst toying with an empty wine glass, wear black, get a silk scarf or 10 for daily wear.

Shrug at all questions.

Leave your children in the care of people you have never met and for whom you have absolutely no references.

I lol'd at your post, oddcomm

Say any of the following randomly:

C'est bon, quoi. (no way)

Ca va pas la tete. (You idiot)

J'etais au tacquet. (I was over the moon.)

C'était la cata sur le periph ce matin. (traffic was bad today)

No! Je ne suis pas d'accord! (Stop swinging from the ceiling children)

Qu'est-ce qu'on a bien rigolé. (It was funny)

But andouillettes are delicious! And so are pig trotters (DH hasn't recovered from that one yet!)

I had to put 'andouillette' in google images. Not sure about that, looks as though there may be a fair amount of cartilage chewing involved.

I love this thread.

Three weeks until we head to rural Burgundy for our annual trip (holiday home) to drown in the wine lake. Reading this is making me impatient

Oh yes, andouillette

Films
Two Days, One Night with Marion Cotillard
La Vie en Rose with Marion Cotillard
Xavier Dolan films - in French as he is French Canadian

And ask for every medication you need to be supplied as a suppository Auntie Stella

Have perfectly arranged flowers (and ashtrays) in every room?

Be pleased to pay at least €40 for two rosebuds and a gerbera in clashing colours wrapped in a wisp of tissue paper by the local florist.

Yes oddcomentator And eat tete de veau with the hairs on its head fgs. Think that veggies are from another planet, certainly not France.

Be obsessed with bread. Talk about it for hours with friends. Actually start physical fights with foreign people who criticise french bread. Go to bread festivals and applaud bakers taking baguettes out of giant ovens. Ignore the fact that French bread is a rather inconvenient shape for making sandwiches and removes a layer of skin from your hard palate even when fresh*.

*I have genuinely witnessed French people do all of the above

Refuse any invitation - even for a quick coffee - on the weekend before la rentrée even if you have one small child in primary school and exclaim, 'ah non, c'est la rentrée!' as if that makes any sense.