How can I be more "French"?

[hangingoutattheendofmywick]

So this morning I did an Ocado shop and stumbled across the world foods department. There is a French section and I was immediately transported to my holidays when I was young at Keycamp in France. I basically ordered a shed load of French delights and as I'm currently really down in the dumps and life is a bit shite I've decided to BE more French.

Other than learning the language again (I've lost it since GCSE) and eating / drinking all my French delights I'm wondering what I can do to make my life a bit more French. Any ideas?

I'm looking for :
Music
Literature
Recipes
Drinks
General ways of living.

Ta!

Their gardens have to be just right NO MAUVAISE HERBES

Eh?? Where???

Admittedly much of my time has been spent in the south, but most private "gardens" I've seen consist of a patch of scrubby unmown grass, a few dried out pots containing something dead, an ancient unproductive tree and a set of broken metal garden furniture

It always fascinates me that they'll visit some chateau with manicured gardens and ooh and aah over it, but do they then come home and create something nice with their own ... do they buggery!!

Strike.

"Medicines are administered up the bum, especially to children"

This reminds me of the time when I had terrible toothache following a dental procedure and asked a waiter if she had a painkiller. She came back with two pills and a HUGE suppository that was no smaller than half my index finger "Choose", she says

WHY would an adult go around carrying not only painkiller pills but the most enormous suppository I have ever seen in her purse?

Yikes! Why the bum obsession?

YY to shrugging and Bof!

Refuse to speak english even though you are fluent.
Laugh at English people failing to speak French.

Fall out of bed looking coiffed and soignee.
Then go home

Get married at 6pm

Evidently parce qu'il faut, Cote

Very importantly in the countryside (so pleased I'm not the only one brittanyfairies ) : any roadkill is potentially tonight's supper. Feel free to stop in the middle of the road without any warning to load the rotting remains into your boot. No one will mind. In fact they will mostly be sitting in the tailback nodding approvingly although some might be seething with envy.

OP, you need some classic MN comments in French...

Did you mean to be so rude?
No is a complete sentence.
Are you on glue?
Oh do fuck off, dear.
You are/are not being unreasonable.
Leave the bastard/bitch.

All beyond my very limited ability, malheureusement.

Add message | Report | Message poster CoteDAzur Tue 30-Jun-15 13:50:22
"Rose wine is served with ice"

Not around these parts. It's only my English friends who take ice with their rosé

Interesting. This was local 'aristocracy'. They positively berated us for running out of ice and left soon after!!
The shame!

Great thread! Made me rire so hard i dislodged the baby from my breast, whoops.

Ruthlessly cultivate your chosen suppliers. Preface all references to your single chosen supplier with "my": my dentist, my butcher, my physiotherapist, my greengrocer, my florist, my patissier. Snub assistants and insist on being served by the owner, whose mastery of his/her trade you will praise regularly to other customers and to minions. This marks you out as (a) a person of discernment (b) a loyal customer deserving of special attentions.

Bien dans sa peau .... Be comfortable in your own skin. I've heard it said in France many times.

Never buy a single baguette. You need one (or two) to take home in your shopping bag or vélo panier bicycle basket and another to munch on en route.

The gallic shrug is a must. I consider delivery of my gallic shrug at a bus stop in France I did not know the time of the next bus and frankly, did not care my finest moment.

Go on strike.

I don't know ppeat, I think it is for the pleasure of the breeze and feeling part of nature!
I had a workman who used to walk the whole length of the upper corridor, down the stairs, the length of the house again to get out into the back garden to pee ~ he was building a cupboard IN the bathroom/loo!!

For some standard insults in French:

"Allez chéri" (to anyone in your way whom you deem your inferior, especially drivers in smaller slower cars than yours)

"Je ne crois pas" (= no I will not do what you are asking)

Knit coded messages into scarves.

Drink absinthe and die of consumption while working as a courtesan.

Gouge out your eyeballs with a spoon (actually - don't).

Start a revolution that ends with a declaration of universal human rights and the separation of church and state.

I have to say ice in wine has always been a No-No for me unless it's very hot and the wine is well... Crap.

Bit I don't think there is any equivalent of these sentences in French tbh (and I'm French).

The refusing to speak English, my FIL has experienced that. As in, he tried to ideal French, the people at the hotel switched to English wo any hesitation as he was struggling. Then came an American couple who clearly had decided to make no effort a scene same person refused to ideal English with them whilst giving a wink to my FIL.
As a general rule though, there is the idea that if you live in France then you learn French. Which I suppose is fair enough.

Apparently 'baisez-vous', despite translating as 'kiss yourself', is very rude - not that I've ever put it to the test.

un baiser (n.) = a kiss (slightly old fashioned)

baiser (v.) = to fuck

Quite funny though. It's the sort of things you don't see as a French person because it's so normal.
I suppose this would be the same the other way around :)

I've never heard of "Baisez-vous". It sounds like a Brit's awkward translation of "F U".

They would say "Va te faire foutre". Polite as the French are, they don't use 'vous' when telling someone to go f* himself

VERY good point about revolutions! The French have full-on strikes/demos/riots/revolutions, all the while discussing relevant philosophies, and then stuff changes. We just sit around arguing for/against the status quo for years, then nothing changes.

Vive la révolution!

You also have 'se faire baiser' ....

'Maman', for YABU, how about 'vous n'avez pas raison' as an approximation?

I've always found French people will speak English where they can, as long as you at least try to speak French first. Seems more than fair to me, I think their reputation for rudeness is unfair.