Parents of older kids- looking back what was important and what wasn't?

[deliverdaniel]

I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and right in the thick of it. I worry about everything (I know I'm ridiculous...)I wonder if I'm getting things right or wrong when it comes to parenting choices, I get paranoid about whether the various ways in which they behave/ phases they go through/ traits they have are signs of terrible problems or things to come. I never know if I should be stricter or less strict etc etc.

So, if you are 'out the other side' a little bit, with older kids, what do you feel you did right in your parenting? Is there anything you would change looking back? What were the things you worried about that turned out to be nothing, and which things turned out to be important? I would love to hear some words of wisdom! Thank you in advance!

I think you have missed my point in a spectacular way ItsFab!

I posted my opinion on what you had posted, Mehitabel6.

I was answering Bonsoir who talked about MH problems being down to parents. I pointed out that it was not so. Here you had a 6 week old baby who had had a stable, loving, childhood. Unfortunately he had a family history of MH problems and it was nothing to do with his parents or environment. He didn't choose and couldn't control-and neither could his parents.

Sorry-a stable loving childhood from 6 weeks onwards.

I found this in a Findhorn catalogue many moons ago. I tried to stick by it - even now when mine are 26 and 27.

I like this poem:

"IF I HAD MY CHILD TO RAISE OVER AGAIN"

by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

The Head of my children's primary school either had that poem on the wall, or one similar. (I remember 'fly more kites' and Googled it to find it)

SpiritedQuill thank you for making that point so well. I was brought up to be very polite and spent much of my early adulthood getting by on a sweet smile and agreeing with others. By the time I was mature enough to want to assert myself, I didn't know how. Now I over-compensate!

How do we teach our girls to say their please and thank yous, whilst teaching them it's OK to voice an opinion different to others?

I think being social and learning properly about friendship (empathy, trust, etc) gives you an enormous confidence boost.

gah! typed a post then lost it!

Roughly, according to radio 4 yesterday... a new type of universally accepted parenting emerged after 1993 when Jamie Bulger was murdered.

Since then parents always know where their children are at all times, usually keeping them within sight. The first children brought up this way are now reaching adulthood and it will be interesting to see what are the effects of this loss independence on the people we bred / are breeding.