This is so bizarre...

[PistolWhipped]

DP just returned from Tesco having bought a 12.5g box of Amber Leaf tobacco. When he tore off the cellophane and looked inside the box he found no tobacco and precisely seven sheets of toilet paper and 2 two-pence pieces! What the devil is going on? We're just sat here, open-mouthed, staring at bog roll and coppers. Has anyone got any idea what could have happened at t'factory? Has anything like this ever happened to you? Where's our baccie?!

oh isn't Leslie the male spelling?

I wonder if Tesco customer services have a Classic Complaint wall to amuse them?

Ginslinger, this was Leslie's reply:

'Dear Pistol, thank you for your email.

I am sorry that you were unhappy with the Tesco Curry sauce and that it left some discomfort on your part; I understand how you must feel after my mother’s boxing day curry. Without the packaging it is impossible for us to investigate if it was done at the supplier or if someone done it on route to the store. As security and staff are always near the cigarettes and tobacco products, switching them while on shelf is highly unlikely. However, I do understand that being out of pocket for an item and tobacco is very frustrating and inconvenient.

If you could reply with your address, I will be more than happy to send you a Tesco Moneycard for £7.00 to cover the tobacco and the curry sauce.

Thanks again for contacting us and I look forward to your email. Alternatively, you could call us on 0800 505555/0330 123 4055, quoting reference number: 17437699, where my colleagues will also be more than happy to assist.

Kind regards

Leslie'

...and you're right: Leslie is the male spelling.

I'm very disappointed that he didn't acknowledge the Lily Allen thing with just a little 'smile' Or maybe he was playing it cool. He's probably right now emailing the Daily Mail to tell them about Lily's ring of fire.

I know. I even told him my baby was called Ethel

Leslie is marvellous.

I once pulled a Christmas cracker to find a very small notebook inside scrawled in by a child, very disturbing.

Speaking of notes in pockets, I was working as a barmaid when the old soak I was serving fished a note out of his pocket when he was looking for his money. It said "your bicycle is tied to a lampost in Walpole Road". He was so pissed the night before that someone had intercepted him on his ride home to take care of his steed. He was delighted to find the note as it reminded him that he owned a bicycle, he'd completely forgotten about it and just walked to the pub.

Oh, Sootikin, that is cracking me up! The notebook in cracker is creepy though no?

Erm Eliza what's that?!

Busting my ass laughing.

And then eliza randomly posts the lovely cardigan your mam swoops over both boobs in only the way a mam can!!

Why have we lovely cardigans??

The notebook was REALLY creepy.

Gini my mam does that, I've started doing it lately too, do you think it's a 'starts in your forties' thing?

Think Eliza May have been on a style n beauty thread, betwixt reading about pistols dps nodding cock?

What kind of discombobulation has been afoot here? Deleted messages? On a Tesco thread?! I'm not surprise actually, cardigans can promote outrage; just look at David's offensive collection in Emmerdale.

Well I have enjoyed catching up, Pistol you should get a prize just for emailing Tesco such hilarious replies, that in itself is worth it. I love this thread, shame I missed the cardigan, it must have been something fab to get deleted. Never mind.

When my cousin was caught shoplifting in Tesco, he was under the age of criminal responsibility so I made sure my Auntie placed him in local authority care for Christmas.

He's now 15 and to my knowledge, has never stolen balloons again. Proof that the system works in my opinion.

As for the security guard, I bumped into him a while ago and he told me that the tiniest glimpse of an oven glove provokes a pavlovian response and he gets a semi.

I now feel a bit of a minge twinge when looking at a Tesco value cottage pie so I think we've all been affected quite profoundly.

Three lives changed by one Tesco store. Thought-provoking....

Pa ha! MrsBoldon, you're an out-and-out lunatic! Can we be friends or summat?

DP said I'm not allowed to put a photo of his bobbing cock on mumsnet so here are my dahlias (you'll have to take it from me that they bob like DP's erect penis as he's taking his underpants off whilst espying Michelle Keegan on t'telly. Bastard.)

Mermaid, I find this rather terrifying.

Gins, I am sorrier than you can imagine having missed Cardigangate

Am intrigued now what the fuck Eliza was actually up to it really was just a page of autumn/winter cardigans, unless there was a subliminal message in there, that I dismissed because it was neither tesco nor Tom hardy related?

Amber Leigh! Yup, that's close enough :)

MrsBoldon

MrsBolden and Pistol need to have a TV show.

I'm imaging Mel and Sue on acid.

Bagsy not the rug muncher.