This is so bizarre...

[PistolWhipped]

DP just returned from Tesco having bought a 12.5g box of Amber Leaf tobacco. When he tore off the cellophane and looked inside the box he found no tobacco and precisely seven sheets of toilet paper and 2 two-pence pieces! What the devil is going on? We're just sat here, open-mouthed, staring at bog roll and coppers. Has anyone got any idea what could have happened at t'factory? Has anything like this ever happened to you? Where's our baccie?!

I once took my young cousin to Tesco and we got stopped on the way out on suspicion of shoplifting.

I kicked off big time, talking about racial profiling and all sorts till my cousin started crying and produced the items he'd nicked.

I felt quite guilty so gave the security guard 'hand relief' in the ready meals aisle. I didn't make eye contact while doing it though and wore an oven glove so he probably didn't enjoy it much and I left with my dignity intact.

Crying with laughter here.
I think I love you, OP.

Screaming at MrsBoldon!

Laughing my head off at your reply to Tesco, first time I've laughed properly for ages at summink on MN. Please post Tesco's response, should they deign to reply

Oh good grief, the lengths one goes to for a fag!

Have you changed the name to protect the innocent on the reply from Tesco?

Surely they wouldn't have a customer service person called P.Niss

Christ I'm in work doing those snorty, snotty loony laughs you do when you can't calm down.

Yes, I've changed the name of the Tesco person wot wroted my email. His real name was Phil McCrackin.

I think Amber Leaf are talking crap here.

I've never seen a shop assistant hand over a packet of fags/tobacco without having taken the money first, let alone leave it on the counter while they go and fetch something else. It's too expensive to take the risk.

I have to say OP, your posts have made me burst out laughing though

Amber Leaf aren't bullshitting when they say their processes are highly automated and controlled. The machines that fill packages have a very high throughput and tobacco packaging companies are subject to strict employee controls (bag searches etc) because of the tax element - if an employee is stealing, they are mainly stealing from the Government, which is considered to be a much more serious offence than stealing from an employer.

Sadly it sounds like Amber Leaf and Tesco will blame each other and you may never get a satisfactory explanation, but you are right that this is the bizarrest thing ever. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at your place when your DP opened his baccie box .

I've googled but can't find any reports of the 'switching' scam to which AL refer though.

Haha I love your response, I hope you really did send it. Funniest thing I've read on here for ages.

I am waiting patiently for my reply from 'Ian'...

Is everyone having a nice evening? What have you been up to? I've just made Mary Berry's plum & apple crumble and it was tart as fuck. 'Orrible. I am about to attempt to conceive a sibling for my five-month-old baby (as soon as Emmerdale has finished). Yes, I am well aware I am mad, but I am old with decrepit eggs

Ilkley, if it were indeed as prolofic a scam as JT International are claiming, surely it would've been all over t'internet? I so desperately want to unravel this mystery but I fear my profane and insane reply to 'Ian' will not be advantageous in my quest for some free stuff a satisfactory conclusion.

*prolific

I'm desperate for you to hear from Ian. Maybe you could get better eggs in Tesco?

Oh, and to be clear: a 'satisfactory conclusion' in this instance does not mean an orgasm

I am about to attempt to conceive a sibling for my five-month-old baby (as soon as Emmerdale has finished).
You, op, are a fucking genius.

Oh my god this thread has me howling with laughter! The only problem with that is that I am at work and ought to be working, not reading on MN.

How could 'Ian' not reply?! He must be made of stone, or bog roll and coppers to not find that email funny

Good luck with the procreation though pistol

I have actually lolled reading this. Funniest thing I've read in ages!

I'm lying in Dd's bed trying to get her to sleep and I'm sniggering away to myself which she thinks is a great excuse to stay awake.

Fanks. Annie, what the devil are you doing at work? You're not on t'till at Tesco, are you?

Still not had sex. DP, upon learning that I got two lines on an OPK today, replied: 'But I'm still full from that crumble, sweet'eart.' Fuxache.