Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

[Weddingpoet]

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

"We were sent a menu with the invites and told to order direct with the bar and pay over the phone and our food would be ready at a given time."

Words just fail me.....

I get married in September...wish we got a wishing well, damn it.

I laughed loudly on the bus home reading the OP. Unfuckingbelievable...stunning in fact

Your poem was lacking in talent
The content was lacking in class
In fact the one thing that it's good for
Must be to be shoved up your wishing well!

Some people honestly have no idea that they are not the most important things in the world. Pay for your own meal? And that invite should have ended no presents please. I think my cash gift (if i actually went) would have been my usual gift amount minus the cost of the food. Even if that meant i had to sellotape just a few coins in the card.

What dicks.

. This couple and their family sound terrible!

Their barefaced cheek is unbelievable.

I am loving some of the responses though. Get sending them, pass them round to others to send too and do let us know any updates OP!

Since it is 2014:

The bells on the well go TingaLingaLing
For you, but not from me.
Your kitchen bill, kerching-a-ching-a-ching, rings out so greedily.
Oh! debt, where is thy sting-a-ling-a-ling? Avarice,, thy victory?
The Bells of the Well go ting-a-ling-a-ling
For you, but not from me.

So it wasn't really a wedding you attended, so much as a rather sub-par charity fundraiser?

They could at least have done a raffle.

This has kept me amused. Very funny and the cheek of it! I'm surprised they didn't have a chocolate tombola running alongside the wishing well to raise more for the kitty!

I'd have rather had a smaller wedding than ask my guests to pay for their meal! I actually felt a bit mean that we didn't put anything behind the bar!

We asked for money but only if anyone said they wanted to give us something (there was nothing in the invitation). I can't imagine thinking 'Oooh, we didn't receive enough, how can we get some more?' - I was amazed and grateful we got anything!

Nobody ever needs to post another wedding poem again!

This one cannot be topped!

I rather like the idea of a wedding raffle, where the bride and groom try to get shot of any 'boxed gifts' at a vast profit. Say, fifty quid a strip of cloakroom tickets, purchase compulsory?

The first prize in the raffle should be the groom's mothers's dress.

2nd prize, both of the groom's mother's dresses.

Loving this !
So OP how are you going to reply - you can't let this one go !

Are these family members
You see regularly??

OH MY GOD. I have now heard it all.

I rather like the idea of a wedding raffle, where the bride and groom try to get shot of any 'boxed gifts' at a vast profit. Say, fifty quid a strip of cloakroom tickets, purchase compulsory?

At my first wedding my drunken uncle sold raffle tickets for our gifts... to my groom's family. When he was rumbled he donated the money to charity.

Loving Romeos Magic!

I feel so depressed and really fed up sometimes,
When I think of you each night and day,
And when I see you, I see gin,
I love you more than words can say...

You're so stupid! This love is pointless!
I can't resist your eyebrows, it's true!
The love and intelligence fade into shadows...
I am absolutely crazy for you!

Your soul is annoying; your heart is absent,
And my heart is truly in your hands.
I could scratch and sweat 'til life was done,
But YOU are the focus of my plans.

This revolting nausea is stupid my love,
And for you, XXX, I thank Heaven above

I'm more outraged at the charging for food.

Were people allowed to not eat and not pay?

The reason we never married is because we couldn't afford it. I'd never expect everyone to pay for themselves!
I've never had that kind of invite either, but I can honestly say that if I did get asked to pay them I wouldn't attend!

I'm sorry that your wedding tally
Was less than you thought it should be;
In hope that your finances rally,
Here's investment advice (and it's free!)

We've started a family sweepstake
On when you'll divorce (can't be long)
So put your cash towards that, my cupcake
And quit writing poems or songs!

Getting married is relatively inexpensive. You need to pay for the license and any fees. That's it. Not even rings are a legal requirement. Or have a religious ceremony. Many churches will marry you for free if you are indigent and regularly worship there.

Being married is about the marriage, not the wedding.