Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

[Weddingpoet]

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

I'm never getting married again because I can't afford the divorce.

So they've sent this to everyone?

In the hopes of getting more.

bet anyone who didn't give is bloody glad!

Wonder if any are trying to get money back?

Pathetic rudeness wrapped up in poetic crudeness.

Your demand for money has made me cough
So now I must ask you to kindly FUCK OFF.

Blimey. They are REALLY rude.

But some of these poetic responses are superb and perhaps communicated to the 'happy' couple.

Think and bom , I'm loving your work.

I've never heard of paying for your own food at a reception.

So if you had to buy your own food, did that make it okay to bring a Tupperware box of sandwiches, or nip out for a chippy tea?

What about people that didn't phone and pay, did they just sit there with a knife and fork?

What a logistical nightmare for the venue. A pay as you go wedding.

"Cash you asked for, because cash you need?"
That is the definition of greed.
Every cunt should be refuting
Your gestapo tactics for contributing
It is not marble counter-tops you want;
It's a massive punch straight to the cunt.

Thank you for your lovely ode!
I am confused to hear
That you think you are still owed
When we paid for food and beer

It really is incredibly rude
To ask your guests to pay
Every other couple provides the food
Upon their wedding day

As we are related
I decided to be generous
I definitely donated
Though the costs incurred were onerous

Now you have the nerve
To ask me for MORE money
If it wasn't so outrageous
It actually would be funny

I hope you appreciate the irony
Of asking guests to pay
For a kitchen! When you provided
No food on your wedding day

Please be assured no more money
From me will come to pass
But have this wooden spoon, with love
You can shove it up your arse

The only possible answer is that someone has hacked into their email account and sent the poem as a joke because they were annoyed at having to pay for their own meal. I refuse to believe that people like this exist. It's impossible. No one could be that ungrateful and grabby.

was there any fights entertainment provided ?

Ha ha ha ha ha piratejones

Your cry for money I found quite rude
To ask for more takes attitude
I'm afraid I must say no go take a punt
At the last line here you silly...

Their wedding itself is the gift that keeps on giving.

There's been some pretty incredible tales of extreme wedding grabby, rude unreasonableness here on mumsnet but....asking for MORE cash straight AFTER the wedding?! That is surely taking it to a whole new level!

You can just picture them...I bet the very first thing they did after everyone left was get empty their crappy wishing well and count up the money.

They are going to piss a lot of people all their friends and family off if they've sent that to every one!

I'm pleased to say we got your ditty
Asking for money, really quite shitty
What gets us most a laugh at our hosts
Is no sex on your wedding night? Your gift is our pity

Have just read the whole thread. Very good poems but piratejones's is the best. Please reply to them with it!

Like all the best poetry, my ode does not rhyme;
Do fuck off you grasping cunts

Are MN still doing the 'did you mean to be so rude?' mugs? They would look nice in their shiny new kitchen, methinks.

Do you know anyone else that went to the wedding well enough to find out if they donated cash or a cheque, how much and if they have been sent the follow up poem too, to see if they have sent it out to everyone or if just to select people that had given below a certain amount or had given cash etc...

Completely gob smacked by their demands - but loving all the replies on here in verse

Have reported Wally's posts - just a big advert!

Oh my goodness Wally. Those poems are truly ghastly, each and every one of them!

A complete contrast: I went to a wedding on Saturday and about four weeks before we all received an email from the bride-to-be (whose mum died a couple of years ago) that said:

"By the way, new DH and I took the view that we don't want presents please. However, should you wish to do something, I have set up a fund in my mum's name with Macmillan Cancer. By all means send a donation to them. That would be fantastic. However, I would like to stress there is no obligation to do so. The link is as follows: etc etc"